amagickalmeliss

The Gateway to LissaDoll-House Land

2012-02-04T22:41:00.013-05:00

Get into bed,
snuggle deeply into the pillow,
tuck the blanket all around you,
and I'll tell you a story.......
about the day I found The Gateway to LissaDoll-House Land.....

It was a day.
I woke early.
The woods were snowed covered
& misty
& calling my name.
I walked
& soon became lost in the liquid filled atmosphere
which clung to the trees
& surrounded my senses
bewildering my directional wisdom.
In Life, to lose one's bearings can cause death,
or worse,
you may end up a sniffer at the old shoe factory.
But in the woods,
behind my house,
well, that's exactly the kind of place where a story would begin,
if it hadn't already begun with me in bed.

but back in the woods,
I turned around and around,
dizzying my already confused state,
which only served to further my mess.
It was about then when I saw,
what looked like,
a tiny pink hut,
with a tiny winged girl standing inside it,
peering back at me.

She waved,
I walked.
She spoke,
I tried not to choke.

"Miss, it's so wonderfull to see you." Her voice small, but lovely and filled with genuine excitement.

"It is?" My face contorted, my nose wrinkled like I smelled a cat fart.

"Well, yes, of course!"

"You know me?" Surprise saturated me on many levels.

"Everyone in LissaDoll-House Land does. Why, many of our residents wouldn't even have housing without the generosity of your creative nature. They would be outside at this very moment freezing their doll butts off."

With a shrug of the shoulders, I replied, "I am glad to be of service."

"Indubitably. I am the Guardian of The Gateway of LissaDoll-House Land." She completed her introduction with a curtsy.

"Gateway?" I questioned, my confusion reborn, for I recognized in our midst no gate and no way. As a matter of fact, there was nothing at all to indicate an entrance to anything, let alone a land of dollhouses.

She only smiled, then answered, "The Gateway may not appear like much of a gateway nor I like much of a guard of it, but the impact of each could and would set new worlds a-spinning, I a-sure you. This is why we both seem so unimportant, so valueless. You see, no one fights for what seems worthless and a gateway can be anything, anywhere, like between two trees in the middle of the woods behind your house. Magick isn't found in what a thing looks like, it is found in what a thing Is. We've just found it easier this way. Besides, it keeps the riff-raff out."

We both laughed.

"Makes sense," I replied, but still something inside felt unsure. Life has many quirky qualities that astound even the most studied, and although I am no scholar, it wasn't the fact that a seemingly small and empty space between these two trees could hold a whole entire world that I didn't believe, it was the fact that I didn't know it existed, yet they knew me.

"You seem lost in thoughts."

"I am. I cannot get over the fact that I am known in this wondrous land."

She nodded, her head tilted, her hand on her chin, her eyes to the sky, and then spoke, "I understand only as best I can, never having had your particular experience. Perhaps one day, when I am relieved of my post, I will embark upon an epic journey and find a place where I am known too and then I will write you a letter and say, "I so totally get it!"

Her smile warmed and comforted me.

"Well, tell me, what would happen if I walked through?"

"Dimensional, Transportational, Velocity,"

"Sounds technical."

"Very, minus the math."

"When can I go?"

"As soon as you do."

I stood, contemplating the ramifications, the rhymes, the reasons, but in the end I knew I knew all along, who wouldn't want to see a land of dollhouses? No one I want to know.

I smiled and thanked her.

I stepped forth......

~magick~
Meliss

Ps: Dream Palace by Troika

Christmas Miracles

2011-12-25T09:30:00.000-05:00

It's still dark out
yet I am awake
not really wanting to
but getting out of bed

although frost covers the ground
i put on my bathing suit

i grab my towel, music
slip on my flip flops
open the door
and walk past the place where in December
the flowers are still blooming

i get into the pool
on a full moon morning
(not me, i already said i put on a bathing suit
not that anyone could really see me if i didn't)
and work-out

that's the kind of dedication
that results in bent metal baby
because i've become super hero strong

and when I make cookies for the neighbors
and the mixer tries to eat my arm
all the way up to my elbow,
i will be protected
and no harm will come to me
now, that's a Christmas Miracle
the mixer didn't do as well
(RIP old mixer)

And when i'm stuck artistically
gripped by ridiculous fears given to me by 'Them'
i'll just draw a scribble on the page
and find magickal Christmas villages awaiting me

and be filled with bravery
and i'll get into that La-boratory
and work

i will create skeletons
and then take those skeletons
and change them into Beauties
Christmas Miracle.

And then for no reason at all
on the Winter Solstice
i'll walk past the windows
and have a thought,
"I'm going to see something wonderful out these windows today."

that's when uncommon, wary birds from my past show up
to peck their way into my present
(Pileated Woodpecker)

so, i take a peek into The Animal Wise Tarot by Ted Andrews
and find out -
new dimensions are opening up for me

Huh,
haven't i been praying to have my imagination opened up?
yeah.
cool.
Christmas Miracle.

At some point,
i found my La-boratory
looking like this
and knowing Santa is bringing me an actual desk
after a lifetime on the floor
i had to clean up
and figure out how to make room where there was none
i contemplated moving my fireplace into the extra bedroom while i moved

i came across a pile of fabric and scarves
where can I put all this?
i'll stuff them in a bag
yeah,
a bag full of costumes
that sounds cool
yeah it does

somehow, shortly after
i opened The Bodacious Book of Succulence by SARK
on page 15 and found this,

"We've stopped counting fireflies at dusk, standing naked in the rain, finger painting with our feet and stuffing a bag full of costumes and making our "Poet's Corner" in the backyard, with lanterns and tents made out of chenille bedspreads."

that's when I decided
YES, I WILL move the fireplace and it will be my "Poet's Corner"
where i will write poetry, journal, sketch, and read!
creating plenty of room in my La-boratory for future endeavors
Christmas Miracle.

does that mean the Turkey Vultures aren't still hanging around?
Nope, they're still around
sitting
and waiting
and watching
and wondering
but they can fly up at any moment
to snatch those Christmas Miracles away
if we don't pay attention to our attitude

Did I ever tell you that i'm married to a Christmas baby
who at 35 years old
is still complaining about the fact that he was born on Christmas
and how people react to it
and the fact that people call him a Christmas baby
even though he's a 35 year old man
i told him he's acting like a Christmas baby.
:) ha
well, it was a funny to us
He's my all time favorite Christmas Miracle.

I wish you a day full of everything you love best
but mostly,
I hope Santa leaves you lots of Magick under the tree.

~Merry Christmas~
Meliss

Baker, dollmaker,......toilet cleaner?

2011-12-13T09:02:00.006-05:00

I have not been taught to be any certain thing.

(from back: White-Throated Sparrow and female Bluebird)

Freedom wafts into the open door of my day

(Solitary Vireo - Rockey Mountain Race)

I'd greet it with tea,
if i could remember to.

(Brown Thrasher)

& we'd both be warmed,
from the in~side out.

(Hermit Thrush?)

& Full

(a bunch of kooky cats)

& Fat

(Slate Colored Junco)

& Happy

(I had to save the male Bluebird for happy)

& oh so delight~fully engorged with YES!

While the birds of the dead wait

(do you see them? 3 dark spots)

to carry off
our carri-on.

(Turkey Vulture)

You can hide under a blanket

(Doctor Bob)

or in shelters made by an October snow,

But the fact is that we cannot wait until we're almost dead
to realize the worth and value of right now
if we dare to make something important from our living.

We must use it up!
WASTE IT if we have to!
but MOVE!
& Do Something!

and if you really don't know what to do,
well then LOOK,
in every hole you can find.

(Common Flicker - Yellow Shafted race)

Make serious use of every thing you see today,
even if you have only one eye to see it all with.
Rowan does.

The view will change,
even if you really, really love it.
If you need something to count on,
count on that.

and when you're done with all that,

take a nap,
on the floor by the heater,
on the bed,
doesn't matter,
just sleep.....

if you don't sleep,
you can't dream,
if you can't dream
you won't be able to make s##t.

just don't forget the happy part.

~magick~
Meliss

ps: if you need something dreamy to listen to, try "Jaden Maiden" by Andreas Vollenweider

39 pictures of me: You must bust the bud to bloom.

2011-11-23T13:53:00.002-05:00

Yep,
i busted her all up
with a lot of help.
woh,
did she get messed up.
i said to him last night,
"Man, at this point,
I'm more messed up than you."
we laughed.

don't feel sad though.
cause here comes the second part.....
I am just on the verge of
Only Just Beginning
to
Blooom.
sounds pretty when you're listening to ...........
it's gotta be the one with the poem though......

This is Thee last year of my 30's.
I want it to end with a big hurrah!
The problem is I don’t yet know what I mean by big hurrah!
When I figure that out,
I’ll do it.
I have a feeling that it’s much of the same
only less junk,
less pain,
less distractions,
more enjoyment,
more laughter,
more God,
more posting.

I will find more keys to my nature
and I will create doors that they will unlock.

Remember when I said I owed myself an apology?
Well, here’s some of what for......

I gave myself away to men because I wanted to be loved and approved of and made okay because they were okay.

I wanted to be made Somebody by Somebody (Depche Mode)
I didn't realize that Somebody was Me.

I burned my hand on purpose with a cigarette I was smoking because I’d finally found out without denial that someone I cared about did not care about me in the same way and I was choosing to do something stupid to get his attention because I needed it.

I was a lot of wonderful things then, including Young and Foolish.
I still wear that scar because of her....
And him.
and all of their un-willingness, etc.

I have physical scars on my body from men causing them.

One of them burned my stomach with a cigarette. Not on purpose, but because he was drunk and DIDN’T CARE ABOUT ME BEYOND WHAT HE COULD GET FROM ME. I allowed this. I was part of this. It was my punishment to me.

I’d like to say,
Thank you O for telling me this,
for showing me this......

I am a Battered Woman.
Finally, at 39 years old I recognize this.
I have been Battered
mentally,
emotionally,
and sometimes,
Physically.

At first,
it happened to me.
Then,
I began to choose it
because this is what I was told caring was mostly about.

I was punched in the nose by the man I saw my sister get punched in the nose by as a little girl.
Why was I surprised when he did it then?

I’m shaking from it now many years later.

terrified of it
All.
heartbroken
because he was my first love of course
and he punched me in the face
and tried to choke me.
You do not do that to me
.
I know that much.
but it happened.
I confess.

No wonder I (edited).........did a numberless amount of things that caused me pain.

Again,
Sometimes I don’t have to wonder why we do the things we do.
I know.
We all have Stories of Pain.

I have a scar on my body from a man who I semi-wasted 10 years of My Life on.
He threw a half broken glass right at my chest/stomach in front of my daughter.
I took him back.
At the time,
I didn’t see another choice.
Cause it was always, “Well, what are you gonna do now???”
Go back I guess.
and
Play The Game.

I hated playing the game.

Until a wiser voice asked me,
"Where is this relationship going?"

I said, almost without hesitation,
"No-where."

she kinda smiled i like to think,
and replied,
"Just making sure you knew."

sometimes we need to KNOW we know.
how do we do that?
by being Tested.
sometimes tests suck.
(i pretty much hated school. and thank god if i never have to go again.)

in essence:

I spent many years seeking the approval of men by allowing them to use my body and heart.

I've also spent many years seeking the approval of women by allowing them to use me and my giving nature.

I am thankful that I can say all of that has resulted in
a pretty darn cool life
and a great marriage to someone i can trust
and who actually gives really good advice
for a dude.
He says I need to
unplug from what everyone else says,
and say instead, "I'm kickass." (thank you Jack Black and Orange County)
that sounds like really good advice.....
so maybe i'm not doing so bad after all.
:)

As a child and teenager and young adult,
I was lonely.
painfully so.
i've always wished i had a twin.

Look how close we are.
That's as close as we ever got.
I never knew him,
except for this brief moment in time.
it's good,
he never got time to lie and confuse me into submission.
He'll remain a cute band-guy
I once took a really good picture with.

Now I take really good pictures with Me.
i like it when i make me giggle.

I didn't realize I was beautiful until the age of 18
when a friend of mine showed this picture to a friend of his
who said, "She's gorgeous!"
I said, "Huh? Who? ME?"

It didn't last long....
not the beauty.....
my belief in it.
i was quickly put back into my place by him,
and i don't mean near him....
where i promptly forgot
and remembered again
and circled that around ever since.

do you have pictures of you that remind you of other people?
On my hand are the rings She let me wear.
Below is a picture She took of me
when we shared beers
we probably didn't even like,
in Chester Park.
We were really into taking pictures that summer.
There is no picture of us together.
She cried in my lap.
We jumped in leaves together.
I knew her at almost 20.
She died at almost 30.
Who would she have been at almost 40?
I miss what she represented in my life......
Herself.

Regarding confessions:
I was not allowed to have my own truth.
I was not allowed.
I am allowed now.
No, one can stop me.
Even if 'they' kill me,
I still have my truth,
and that counts for something.
i hope 'they' don't kill me.

there are things I can claim
is it important that I type them?
Why or why not?
I don’t know

but I think what’s the harm?
Stop staying frozen.
Tell the story that you really want to tell,
the story of You.
it is your birthday post.
If no one else pays attention,
tell it to yourself
for yourself
as yourself
would like to hear it.

I am guilty of not telling?
Am I?
How much proof is enough proof?
I didn’t have enough proof?
I NEVER ASKED HER!
I am guilty of that.
I didn’t spend enough time with her
I was involved with myself
and my life
and my etc.
right here
I’d tell him this,
“All that means is that you didn’t do it on purpose.”
I didn’t do it on purpose
but I must confess,
I didn’t ask her if she needed help
and more importantly,
I SHOULD have.

I needed help.
I couldn’t offer her what I didn’t have.
None of us can.

But I have seen the devastation it has caused.
I snuggle Her in.

She doesn’t yet believe that she can build anew.

She can.
She totally can.
We all can.
Ridiculous as it sounds,
Belief is our only stumbling block.

"it became my burden not to cause any problems in the family because of my pain." Joyce Meyer.
she also said it caused "a false sense of responsibility."
makes sense.

how many of us can say,
"That was me. That happened to me."
?

Something I learned,
When I hit someone else’s brick wall,
I turn around
because I can decide to not bother going over it cause it’s so much less important than me climbing my own walls.
Their walls,
their job.
My walls,
my job.
Climbing my own walls instead of someone else’s is what’s going to lead me to Me
(which leads directly to God).
Being Who You Are is the most direct route to YOUR SUCCESS.
I have heard that from the countless Wise and SuccessFull Women around us....
Oprah, Joyce, Iyanla, Jamie Lee, Drew, Mary J, Shirley Mac!, Jane Fonda, Kelly Osbourne-(adoring you woman!) ........
I believe them.

So I start to fillet myself open
to reveal Me to me.
It is Thee Most Vital Work We Can Do.
I am blessed to be able to,
so I’m going to.
Search
question
roam around inside of me
think
reach back
open up
break down
dig into.

I can be glad my mouth never disappeared
even though I’ve wanted it to
because they wanted it to.
and I could sit in some back room and watch cartoons and not be bothered because some unstable person who didn’t like me wished that my mouth would be gone.
I am glad that I never allowed My Me to disappear....
I only allowed Her to Change and to Grow.

"When you trust yourself,
it means you don't tolerate being stood up more than 1 time.
You don't tolerate chronic betrayal.
Betrayal comes in many forms.
It's betrayal of who you know yourself to be
and when you can trust that you love yourself,
care for yourself,
have enough honor and respect for yourself,
that you will not allow other people to harm you..."
Oprah

I wouldn't let him control me.
that's what it always came down to.
not understanding,
no.
me giving in and giving up
because if i didn't ...
i had to give on some level.
if there was nice things done or said,
they were covered up with criticism
and mind games.
i don't really know which ones
i couldn't figure the puzzle out
no comprehendo?
does not compute?
i have no time for people who play mean games.

You must bust the bud to bloom.

that’s painful.
yeah, baby.
i know.
but it can be done.
and it's so worth it
not to quit and run back where you came from.

Let me tell you a birthday joke:

The husband says, "For my wife's birthday, I drove her 110 miles to get doughnuts, terrified her, almost got her killed, gave her a headache, got pulled over, and took her to a crappy dinner."

The wife says, "Did I do that?"

The husband says, "If you did, I want to know how cause I want to use it."
ba-dum-da!

he didn't really get pulled over.....
he said it was more like pointed over
or shown over.
it's true.
the cop wasn't even in his car.
standing right in the middle of the road.
i said little to nothing.
i did what this picture shows.....i looked up and out the window
and smiled and said,
"Thank you God for getting him pulled over cause he was driving like a jerk since we left Krispy Kreme and acting like it's me."
:) Haha'ing
true story.

I just had three workmen at my house
i didn't care what one of them thought of how i looked
i thought i looked cute
clean
blue pj pants with snowflakes
hair pulled back in a red bandanna
gray sweatshirt
no make-up
my spotted rubber boots.
i'd say the one guy was cute if asked
and i was just out there to see the tree cut down.
it's an event in my life.
is that pathetic?
ha
i am so married
that i can do it.
it's a good place to be.

i want to be 99 and still taking pictures of me
and finding my eternal gorgeous'ness
like Scott saw in me at 16
and I see in me now.

so, I wanna end like this......
watch the movie Crash
and sit through the entire credit song
cause maybe tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
and that's a good movie to get you in the Thanks giving mood,
if you need help.
i'll probably be watching House of 1000 corpses.
just kidding. but it is on the dvr.
living in a 'good' neighborhood is a blessing.
i often forget how blessed i am with the simple thing of SAFETY.
i can safely and warmly go to bed in my bed.
without fear.
not everyone can do that.
Enjoy what you DO have
and I send you my blessings for the rest.
no matter who you are.

it's my birthday gift to me.

~magick~
Meliss

How 'bout a little fire Scarecrow?

2011-11-11T14:52:00.001-05:00

Here is a magick spell left over from Halloween,
eventually everyone succumbs to its power.
I've found that we are All Casters of Spells.
whether we mean to or not.

I realized,
I had nobody to turn to
I wish I had known I could’ve turned to God.
I wish somebody had told me that
couldn’t changed a lot of things.....
I hesitate saying that because I don’t want to alter my right now at all.
At 4:30 vacation starts.
And we’re celebrating eating salad for dinner for 4 nights in a row with a pizza.
Haha-ing.
We have vacation immunity.
Yeeeessssss! (HIMYM style)
:)

Like everything else,
Having a Questioning Spirit has it’s blessings
and it’s curses.

It is vital for a Questioning Spirit to understand and study Acceptance.

Sometimes I hear noises in my house
and I’m afraid of it being a person
or a ghost.
Adult me knows it’s the cats.
But sometimes Adult me checks under the door first.
:)

We are so often still babies
still afraid of the dark.
even if the lights are on.
I could never live in an old house
even though if you asked me 5 or so years ago,
“Would you buy an old house?”
I would have said, “YES!”
But older and wiser and more ‘Me’, me knows,
when it’s 3:00 am
and I have to go to the bathroom,
I don’t want to have to worry at all
about seeing something.
I’ve watched way too many scary movies in my life
but it hasn’t stopped me yet.
I just ask God to go with me now.
The cats help too.

My most recent best advice to me:
Find out Who You Are, so you know what You want.
Have you ever tried to get a Christmas present for someone you don't know??????
Exactly.
(God, that is a hell that no one should face! I Hate IT!)

Working out still
spending time with God
forgetting that there’s a difference.
Wanting to tell you things like:
#8 by Heather Nova - South
letting you do the rest of the work.
(#13 too)

Sometimes I don’t have to wonder why we do the things we do.
I know.
We all have Stories of Pain.

My life isn’t ruined.
But it has ruined parts
I don’t trust myself so much
that I find it hard to even write a blog
at times
because i've been so harshly criticized
or ignored.
so half of what i do is criticize
and you guessed it,
ignore myself.
doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

What am I writing that for?
Am I finally allowed to have my own truth?
probably not.
My own version of what I experienced...
how can that be anything other than what I think it is?
How can MY Version of anything come from someone else?

Like many women,
I have a past that involves relationships
and the search for meaning through other people....
especially men who are good looking and popular in some way,
if he’s in a band - well, that’s the dream baby.
Or is it?
God,
I am so glad I am no longer that stupid and shallow and pathetic.
Poor past me.
She did Her best
and I respect and love Her for that.
but damn was she dumb.
and hurt.
and lonely.
I think she’d be pleased to know we turn out Happy though.
Is your past you happy with who they’ve become?

It’s vital to a Healthy Spirit to love ourselves into becoming Ourselves.

It's okay though,
I can still find the smiley face,
even in distorted views of my world.
If you can't, i recommend practice....
lots and lots of practice.....
cause that's how I can.

Even thorns have veins.

From this to that.

That's magick to me.
I understand the intricate
details that go into it.
'Science'.
I deeply respect 'Science'.
However,
for me,
'Science' only proves further that there is a ~God~.
so, 'Science' is proof?, i say to myself
Yes.
Good, got something figured out then!
Check.

This paper is proof that 70 years ago
one person sat reviewing another person's work.
we can see some of what was said.
but what I like about it is this:
it starts out with the words,
"I would have....blah, blah blah."
Huh,
so all it is is someone's opinion.
what a relief.

btw, aren't we All time travelers?

Oh man,
I finally got it!
OF Course it freaked him out!!!!
Scarecrows are Always afraid of Witches with fire,
but mostly,
it's about the fire.

~magick~
Meliss

PS: the wizard of oz is in my dna i think.
ps2: i forgot to call that in the other post, "I'm Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz." and also, "I'm Jessie from Sooner or Later."
ps3: just because i called something doesn't mean you can't call it too.

The Constant Questioning of Me

2011-11-08T15:00:00.001-05:00

Oh Man,
for those of you who question yourself almost constantly,
as one of those you's,
I share the following:
I owe myself a HUGE apology.
Most of us do.
but whether we ever give it......
well only something crazy like,
"only the horses that race against the relentless waves crashing upon crashing Know."
could be said about that.

still, i wonder,
Could it be found in a piece of bread and butter
at our favorite restaurant?
but you still don't care
and little me puts up with it
because some-one
some-where
told me to.
maybe it was some-many.
but honestly,
i don't even want to go there.

i'm terrified.
on a certain level.
many of us are.

Yet,
I am happy.
And Trusting Yet Again.
In the one who trust was built against.

so, i search in my journal for some of that gold I wanted to share with you.
and i come across these words:

I want to embrace
- Fully -
my Solitude.
i want to fall in love with it.
I want to kiss the scratch of my pen across the page.
i want to breathe in deeply,
Vision.
i want to see the Love of God.
i want to want to be alone when I am alone
& i want to want to be not alone when i am not alone.
it makes perfect sense.
it means that i want to be at peace in every moment of my created now.

and I now add,
I am.
I am.

and then back to flipping further pages....
i find what i wanted to say about this.

admiring how Life has folds that catch droplets of water in them.
how many drops can you count?
seeing how THEY ALL have a speck of Reflected Light inside them.
i can't find one that doesn't.
what do You think that says about All of Us?
we probably think something similar.
no matter how blurry that reflection becomes.....
it's
still
there
.

wanting to live like the big juicy drop of water in the front.....
because of it's God given size,
it is able to reflect more light.
:)

loving the fact that I have -
sticks,
balancing on top of bird-nests
resting on top of old candle jars
now full of moss.

If forced to describe at gunpoint what I've been up to,
I could honestly say,

I've been finding the most amazing worlds full of razor sharp pink monster teeth!!

I could also say,
nah, it's just a flower.

wondering what's in your heart?
hoping you know,
even if you don't tell me.

remembering if I want to be this juicy inside,
I have to practice actually being it
not just talking about it.

practicing being juicy inside.
and eating strawberries because that picture really made me crave them.
maybe that's part of it.....
eating juicy food makes us juicier??
makes perfect sense to me.
i wish i didn't have issues eating.
but i am not alone.
many of us have trouble with the 'simple task' of nourishing ourselves.
how can we expect to fulfill our dreams of nourishing others then??

So in wrapping this up,
I go back up to the beginning and say,
"What did all this have to do with questioning me????"

Exactly.

only now i realize it wasn't me who questioned me at all.....
it was Them,
it's that dam (can i say that?) peanut gallery again.
{aw, right in the dam!}
don't you peanuts have anything else to do?
go get eaten by the skunks.

Good day to you.

~magick~
Meliss

ps: some of this is a recording.

ps2: for more recordings check out: "Make your own kind of music" by Mama Cass

Who's This Girl

2011-11-04T12:52:00.001-04:00

She is:
ghostly.
some people said I'm dark.
that my art has a dark quality to it.
I get it.
I do like Halloween and scary stuff.
I am not offended.
I receive it as a compliment.
and then when I say all that to some other people,
they say, "Oh, I would NEVER want to be described as dark."
Huh.....
well, Good for you.
Better for me, now I can stay the unique soul I am.

She is:
In the middle,
bless-sed-ly balanced,
I reside mostly in the middle
where it's half-full & half-empty
because
that's where God resides.
God resides in the middle of us.
and I want to be wherever God is.
Does it make you uncomfortable to read me type God?
Why?
I think God IS - WHOEVER YOU WANT GOD TO BE.
I think God thinks that's Very Good.

She is:
feeling
shy
scared
unsure
stupid because I know I know what to do!
yet somehow i still don't.
How can that be?
can someone explain this phenomena to me?
I'm just not there yet.
or am i???
doesn't matter,
I'll just keep going regardless.

She is:
ALL HEART.
wanna know how?? I can prove it.
cause all she's heard about is how SENSITIVE she is.
SO, where does sensitivity live?
in the liver?
in the gall bladder???
the COLON??
NO, we know where we like to say sensitivity lives......
The HEART.
SOOOOOO, IF she's SOOOO SENSITIVE.....
that MUST MEAN.....
SHE's ALL HEART.

Ha! I make me happy.
:)
maybe I should have been a lawyer.

She is:
sometimes too concerned with what other people think
I write "I make me happy."
Then all i can feel is this uncomfortable feeling
then the audio for it plays,
"How dare She say, She makes herself HAPPY!!"
Have you ever heard someone say something like this about someone else?
I have.
it's ugly.
Then another, more recent recording played
"Is there something wrong with making our own selves happy?"
"Don't 'They' say that we are all responsible for making our own selves happy and we cannot and should not rely on anyone else to do so?"
see.....that's how it works......
They get you Coming AND GOING.
It's like taxes......
you gotta pay to earn money AND to spend it.
:)
let's not even go there

She is:
still moving toward whole'ness
since i found out
"Everything is moving toward wholeness." Rachel Naomi Remen
i can and have said, "People have destroyed parts of me with their careless behavior."
but I wonder,
is that truly true?
energy cannot be destroyed
only converted into another form.
How can I convert the destruction they slyly intended into Whole'ness?
"Simon" by Lifehouse

She is:
being Who She Is.
especially after she found out what that is through this conversation:
"You do your best BLOG - be yourself! That's the key.
But who is that?
The person who does everything I do - I have photos and journals to prove it."
My job is to live MY BEST DAY
to cut down the growth
to glean what's been reaped
and to share it
in case it:

interests
entertains
inspires
comforts
encourages
serves
or just makes someone go, "Hmmmmm....."

I do not always realize the value in that,
because I do not always realize the value in me,
because I was not taught to value me,
because others did not value me,
because they did not value themselves.
I still choose these kinds of people to be in relationship with,
because I still do not always realize the value in me.......
It's a "Sick Cycle Carousel" LifeHouse.
Shoot....been here before.

She is:
somehow still writing poems and having dreams about someone she thought she knew and loved
Twenty
Years
Ago
because I've found another layer of pain in her that needs to be healed:

in new thoughts of distant forests
all seemed glad past yearning
but then again,
they do run backwards
but never realize
& with her eyes certain spots know things
& there where they went cloven hoofs proved presents
& fresh-made nether mouthed vestiges quenched themselves upon the fresh meat of
Thee Maiden.
He blond
& promising
what he can never bring.
She believing.
So why not just dive back into the dream
where time was then
& he didn't really break my heart?
Because NOW is so much better.

and I know that I know that I know
I AM someone she never would have been without his betrayal to his own heart.
:)
He really lost out
cause I'm almost 40 and I still look amazing.
idiot.
:)

She is:
Woman Artist Who Blogs.
Not because I want to write a book.
I'm writing books constantly.....
see my retired journals section.....
those are books.
enter audio:
"I guess it depends on your definition of book."
Well, let's look it up Peanut Gallery!
I'm doing a lot of winning today, so I'm up for one more win.
...........
HA! told ya they were books. written words on paper bound. ::sticking out tongue::
idiot.
anyways,
I just want to blog.
I actually want to blog, so I'm going to.

She is:
Maker of Magick
who has determined again,
as I did in high school,
that,
I
want
a
Life
of
Quality.
but now I know one thing more that I want more of -
INTEGRITY
because I want to come from an unimpaired condition,
because I want to be undivided,
because I want to be WHOLE.
isn't it neat how it all circles back?

She is:
remembering to come back to the glow
to return to the flow.
dreamin'.
prayin'.
forgettin' that there's a difference.
Calling
Healing
IN
so that I can be accountable to me
for me.
because I finally, stupidly, just figured out
When I find out someone is undependable,
I STOP DEPENDING ON THEM.
Why I ever did anything different I just don't know.
I want to enact a new policy:
Stop Pursuing Pain.

She is:
A Woman of Fortunes.
A Force.
that means Cause of Change
Are you a Cause of Change?
You Are.
maybe you don't know it.
It means Active Power.
My Active Power is God.
What else is that Universal Spark?
You Know.
maybe you know it simply by another name.
Call it whatever you like
It does not care
JUST USE IT.
USE YOUR ACTIVE POWER.

She is:
Kira from Xanadu
Paulette from Grease 2 (and Stephanie)
Mabel from The Pirate Movie
Joan from Romancing the Stone
Kuki from I Dreamed of Africa
but, Ultimately -
Herself,
Thee Me of ME.

She Is:
A Magickal Meliss,
Thee One who creates all this.
She is regular old Melissa too,
Thee One who cleans the toilets.

:)

So, Who Are You?

~magick~
Meliss

and call it "Diving Back In"

2011-11-01T11:09:00.002-04:00

I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to post
and haven't
I could go to my journal and count them, but I won't
if I do that, I probably will never post again
because something will always keep pulling me away from posting
is it simply because I want to ?
or is it because I don't want to?
i can't figure it out
so I won't bother
I'll just tell you in glimpses of time,
in usual Meliss fashion,
what i've been up to:

Finding Pirate sleeping in so many cute positions.
He is such a sweetheart.

starting ANOTHER journal because the other one is filled up.
asking God to rekindle me.

Gaining discipline by working out almost every day. and actually loving it.
and after reading this,
"When you begin to honor yourself and your life - You become disciplined." (Iyanla Vanzant - One day my soul just opened up)
wanting more and more discipline.....
because it means I am honoring myself and my life.

Watchin' tv with Hubby
or as he calls it - spending quality time with the tv while he's snoozing away
hey, it's him who's missin' the show he said he wanted to watch,
not me
i saw it

seeing things doubled,
suddenly

Laughin' at the things Hubby says cause i STILL find him amusing
dance for me puppet
it's wonderful to have someone dance for you because it makes them happy to make you happy
i'm so blessed

being happy about sad faces
because they are who they are
and i find beauty in them
because of it.

Finding cats sleeping together who don't normally sleep together.
experiencing things that don't normally happen and saying, "Come cuddle with me."
Those two aren't still laying there.
There's nothing like a winter weekend snowy day....
especially when you're prepared.....even if it happens when you're not expecting it.

Wanting to finish projects
but not finishing them
and saying
"I got time"
but then it snowed
before Halloween.

catchin' birds taking the same kind of naps I see the cats take
totally out of it.
look at this bird's dimple chin! isn't it cute?

the poor things flew so hard they needed to SLEEP!
I get it.
I've been doin' some nappin' myself
HIBERNATION.
but after a short time of it
this bird got back to what it was supposed to be doing
flying toward its destination
what's your destination?
do you know?
I recently discovered my destination.........
I recently found out where I want to go....
I recently decided to pursue.......

~Whole'ness~

now all I have to do is figure out what that means.

:)

under the milky way tonight - the church

don't take it all so seriously.....
i hope you're able to laugh today.....
because it's just really really fun
and you deserve it.

~magick~
Meliss

H A double L O W double E N spells Halloween

2011-10-31T10:20:00.001-04:00

Realize all your dreams are about you.
Now, be the person of your dreams.

I am Sheherezade...
telling tales for my life.

~magick~
Meliss

Lucky Number 7

2011-10-27T13:36:00.002-04:00

In regards to October 22:

http://wondrouswildwanderings.blogspot.com/2008/10/4-years-thats-my-favorite-number.html

I would like to say, "DITTO" only add 3 more years

And 5 more cats.....

http://wondrouswildwanderings.blogspot.com/2008/10/bestest-anniversary-present-everor.html

http://amagickalmeliss.blogspot.com/2009/10/then-and-now-year-in-life-of-squirmy.html

I still say YAY!!!! I'm so lucky to have 10 cats - 6 of whom are related and 5 of whom have NEVER had to GO WITHOUT. I tell my cats that We Are Blessed because we are.

~magick~
Meliss

Mi-ni-Meliss-tic 8: Just wanted to tell you this

2011-10-05T14:28:00.007-04:00

A mind full of flowers

always blooms.

~magick~
Me

Ps: Sandy, this isn't what I wanted to tell you. I still don't know what that was. :)

Ps2: This is my new journal. I was late in putting the last one up and I blew right through the thing, writing like mad.....I love a journal that's full in 2 months!

Happy Birthday to Thee Reason we have 10 cats

2011-09-29T13:04:00.001-04:00

Look at this poor, pathetic looking thing. Note the droopy eyes, the droopy whiskers, and the dirt. This is what Zoe looked like when I first met her 3 years ago today.

It didn't take long to realize she wasn't fat.....

She had aliens growing inside her! Pregnant and Unwed! No one knew how many aliens were in there, but we decided that however many she had was how many we would keep.

She was a trusting friend right away.

And then one day the aliens came out. It was hard work, but she did it. She made 5 babies!

And then it was time for a suckle and a nap.

Know why I chose to name her Zoe (Zo-eeeee)? Because it means Life. The original meaning of Zoe in the Greek is "Life as God has it." Isn't that beautiful?

She took good care of her babies.

Every night she snuggled up with them in their box and suckled them to sleep. (below: from left to right - Twix, Pop-Tart, Cleo, Pirate, Magick)

And then they got too big for the box, she she suckled them to sleep anywhere. (Pirate below)

Finally the day arrived when she retired. She hung up (or had removed rather) that baby making equipment and began to live a life of comfort and ease.

The babies are grown up now, but I still find her snuggling with them every so often. (Zoe with her "twin" Twix.)

Here she is catching up on sleep with her little girl Cleopatra.

For as petite as she is, she made a couple giant cats who are massive compared to her. But they sure do love their Mommy-Cat, especially Bob.

This is the last baby Zoe will ever make (Magick). She did well cause he's a good one to end on!

When she first came to live with us she only had 1 tooth in the front (we called her Snaggle Tooth for awhile), so the vet could never determine her age. Her nose sounds almost constantly stuffed because she wasn't well cared for as she grew up (we also call her Snuff-a-lup-a-gus). A few years ago we had the rest of her teeth removed because they were in bad shape. Now she's got no teeth at all - for a time she was known as Gummy Mummy.

Over these years she's received her fair share of nicknames (as do all our cats)....Zo-e-Mommy, Mommy Cat, Me-Me, which turned into Meeble somehow and of course, Snaggle Tooth and Snuffalupagus. She knows them all as, "Oh, that's Me!"

I bet this is what Zoe looked like as a kitten. (Twix) I wish I had known her then.

But I guess she wouldn't appreciate the life she has now as much as she does. And it's easy to tell that she does. I'm pretty sure she says, "You kittens have NO IDEA what HARD IS. I'll tell you some stories that will make your tails curl!"

When she first came she used to kick our other cat's butts. Now they all get along, except when Mooka follows her around and around and around and she growls and growls and moves and growls some more and moves again until she's finally had enough and she goes after him. That usually only keeps him away for a minute. These days Meeble is mostly talk. :) (laying with Binx)

You can tell from this picture though that she was a scrapper! I bet she was really tough. Outside cats usually are. Rowan and Wentz are still sometimes nervous around her. It's probably good though, it keeps them in line. Which reminds me, I forgot about her other nickname - "The Enforcer." She has a nickle size scar on the front of her neck where no hair grows. Must have been a pretty bad wound. I'm glad God watched over her and kept her safe until we could help him out.

Nowadays, Meeble enjoys sleeping, snoring, and eating.

She also loves to play with strings and this crazy circle thing with the ball. We recently learned that Meeble has arthritis in her elbows, but it doesn't seem to stop her at all.

I think she misses having kittens sometimes. I think she mostly misses the comfort and pleasure of suckling them. Sometimes she rolls on her side and wants me to rub her belly just like I did when she was pregnant. She holds her feet up just like this. Isn't she cute? I love her little feet!!

I am so glad that we are the kind of people who take the risk of taking in unwed mothers because if we weren't....we would have missed out on all this Joy multiplied by 6 as a matter of fact!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEEBLE!!!! Thanks for sharing your life and your babies with us!!!!

What risks have you taken that have brought you Joy and then multiplied it?

~magick~
Meliss

This is a Recording

2011-09-20T15:18:00.003-04:00

I am a Photographer.

I am a Recorder of Life.

It just so happens that the Life I record is the one I am in.

Some people spend their Life recording someone else's Life.

I spend my Life recording mine.

I record things in many varied ways......

through pictures
through art,

through words....

strung all together......

into an idea about Life.

I record all of its Happenings that I meet along the way.

I am taking It all in with eyes wide and open.

And on Mondays when the hubby goes back to work and I feel lonely,

Turtles crawl across the driveway and catch my eye out the kitchen window and I run out with my camera and find Its shell damaged, yet It is still being a Turtle.

Then art that makes me glad I can make art shows up and makes me glad and I forget that I was lonely.

Then I find out that I am in the constant state of re-learning how to go to Thee Heart of It All instead of where I usually go because where I usually go is not serving me any longer, if it ever was.

Then I remember -
At this time of year,
you never know
"Which day will be what was the last nice day to open the windows?"
"Which time will be what was the last time I saw the hummingbird or the chipmunks?"

So,
I am here,
recording and enjoying,
feeling every last wind of warmth,
and catching every last breath of fresh'ness,
and seeing every last glimpse of flutter or fur,
because it won't last forever and it's important to know that constantly - "This [good time] too shall pass".

This beautiful flower will pass on and for now, the picture of it remains, but even that, one day, will be gone. How precious and wonderful Death makes everything around us. It forces us to not only cling, but also to release. Death teaches us to live. Then it saunters away and leaves us here taking deep breaths of It All In to store up for the winter that we know IS COMING.

But Today is the perfect temperature,
for Winter is not here yet.
There is still warmth all around.

This is my favorite time of year because it is filled with...

snuggling in soft sweaters,

and sipping and slurping soup from scratch,

and buttered bread broiled brown,

and rest and reflection are the name of the game.
But this time is a time like no other in this Life I record
(aren't they all?)
when new favorite things are being experienced and shared....

like swimming under the full moon with my bestest friend Hubby at my side
and talking for hours about everything
and laughing because I married the funniest person in the world who is more alive and animated than I've ever seen before
and realizing all over again that this is Thee Relationship that I have always needed and always wanted
and finding out anew that LOVE is not what I ever thought it was when I was young and stupid
and when we are 70 we're gonna be more in love than we were in the beginning.
That's how I think it should work, not the other way around.

Aaaaahhhhh, I breath out a deep contented sigh of loveliness.
You know, I may not be a lot of things
and I may not have a lot of things
and people may not approve of me or how I live,
but one thing I am is Blessed with Contented-Peacefull-Happiness.
That says a lot more than anything else.

I truly hope you are too.
And if you're not,
what I want to know is -
what are you waiting for????
And what I want to say is -
don't wait too long......
Winter is coming.

~magick~
Meliss

Wanna know a great secret for living happily ever after?

2011-09-12T11:24:00.005-04:00

Choose it and then don't let all the ticks of the world stop you. Believe me, those bloodsuckers are out there and the only thing they have to do with their time is to try to suck your blood....it's the only way they can survive. :( Sad, but true.

You know what's really great? When someone takes their best shot at knocking you down and all it does is make you feel better, more confident in Who You Are and How You Live, and stronger baby......which in turn makes you feel even better because you're at a point in your journey that you've never been before......and you're in complete AWE in how it all has worked together in a symphony of experience to arrive at this Grand Moment in Your Time.

Has that ever happened to you? If not, not that I wish some tick in your life to suck your blood, but man, I hope you do, one day, feel the splendor that I feel now. Wow - it's amazing!

Did you know that many times blood-sucky situations have a wondrous amount of potential happiness in them just waiting around for you to notice it? Lately, I have found this to be true.

Man, That God-Thing is so tricky and kinda funny and good, OH SO GOOD! Thank you God for the ticks of the world - for they show me how freakin' awesome I am!!! YEAH BABY!!! :) BTW, You can do this with your own ticks too!!

~with much magick wished for you~
Meliss

It's been raining for way too long

2011-09-09T08:41:00.011-04:00

My heart is hurting
and sad
and I'm trying to keep going even though I want to give up because I'm just sick and tired of people and being disappointed by them
and I'm sick of the same old story being attached to me when I deserve so much better
So other than that, what have I been doing?

I've been finding my heart in a cage
- a rib cage -
which is a good cage to be in
because it means I'm still alive.

makin' pretty things from a jumble of wire
I've done the same thing with my life

recalling old stories that I'm yet to tell.....
and wondering if I'll ever tell them outside of my journal
and wondering if anyone will care
and trying to remain at the place where I don't care if anyone cares or not, but finding it hard and hurtful

takin' pictures of the rain and ruining them cause I didn't see the light reflecting

swimmin' in the rain
and fluctuating between feeling how I feel and knowing I am blessed

finding lots of adorable cats doing adorable things

(above - Pie-rat)
(below - Ta-tee-tee)

(Rowan watching one of his squirrel "friends")

sayin', "Say cheese" to my Praying Mantis friend who I find every time I look for it and the hubby says, "How do you do that?"

finding beauty in something shriveled

finding flowers that glow

remembering that this is my Summer-Sun-Set Life and to not let ridiculously expensive magazines tell me that my life isn't as inspiring as it
and then knowing it's more inspiring simply because I'm not in a magazine and I'm still going

And journaling, journaling, journaling which is the best way to get through anything
especially being unheard (listen to yourself when no one else does)

and what else???
making art.....

The Process of Belief
the unbelief is part of the belief.
HOW?
because without the something the nothing cannot be defined
Belief cannot be known without becoming best friends with unbelief.

I've been best friends long enough with unbelief
I wan'na new best friend
anyone wan'na be best friends with me?

~magick~
Meliss

From now on...there's always gonna be more Piss and Poop

2011-09-01T18:32:00.003-04:00

You gotta see the awesome header I made for The Piss and Poop Show blog. It's so cute and tells a little of the story about their names.

http://thepiss-n-poopshow.blogspot.com/

Also there's a 2nd episode to see, so check it out.

I love Piss and Poop.....sounds strange....but I do.

~magick~
Meliss

The Piss and Poop Show

2011-08-30T12:44:00.002-04:00

If you need a laugh, check this out. WARNING: this puppet show is NOT for children's delicate ears.....they are naughty puppets who curse......A LOT. Put the kids to bed.....even if it's 1 o'clock in the afternoon. They gotta be tired - cryin' and whinin' takes a heck of a lot of energy (and come on, be honest, you're probably tired of them). And then quietly sneak off and watch The Piss and Poop Show. If you watched any of the Hurricane Irene coverage or lived through it you'll enjoy this.

http://thepiss-n-poopshow.blogspot.com/2011/08/earthacane-2011-part-1.html

Earthquakes and Hurricanes and Ants - Oh my!

2011-08-26T22:27:00.001-04:00

I've been MIA....so what have I been doin'? Seeing gorgeous sights like this. This morning the woods were filled with the most beautiful mist.

"Surviving" an Earthquake. I was in the studio working when I felt the house shaking....then it got worse and then worse.....louder and louder. I thought it was the cats. I finally opened the door to find out what was happening. At some point I realized, "Oh my God, this is an Earthquake." The cats were scared - everyone hid under the bed or couch - except Dittle King and Meeble - they were too busy sleeping. Weird experience, a little scary, but still kinda cool.

Right now, we're preparing for a Hurricane. We'll see what happens with that.

And I've been dealing with ants.

other than that......

Seeing the answer to a prayer fly on in and then finding it double
(this is an old friend from the spring who has come back through with a friend on their way to ??
it's a funny bird called a Common Flicker yellow-shafted race....they eat ants!!)

Watching naughty little hummingbirds
who stick out their tongues
chase other hummingbirds relentlessly

Discovering new birds
(this is an Ovenbird)

Finding tiny turtles

Getting caught in God's web
and loving it

Traveling back to old places I've been
and finding them unused
& uncared for
& over-grown
& not as nice as what I have now

Visiting places of rest
and remembering that there are many sad stories out there
so I should appreciate the happy story I live

Inviting God to walk with me

Looking toward the light
(this is a juvenile robin)
(this is the time of year to watch for young birds of all kinds)

Fillin' my cheeks up with the Lusciousness of Life!

Restin'

Then wakin' up and saying, "What the hell?"

Lookin' forward to lazy winter days
filled with napping in between watching movies
like Ghostbusters and Clue

Lookin' out the window 'cause there's so much to see

like lazy squirrels laying on their bellies while eating

and lots of signs of change on the way

which isn't always easy to embrace
when you want to freeze today because it's so wonderfully abundant.

Makin' art?
ABSOLUTELY!
One day I'll catch up with myself long enough to share it all with you.

But mostly I've been hanging out in

Remember,
you just don't know what's waiting for you around the corner....
it could be some really, really wonderful opportunity.
I bet it is.

~magick~
Meliss

ps: I'm not ready to let the cat totally out of the bag yet, but I will say regarding my previous post.....I'm working on a class....something really unique that no one else is doing. :)

Regarding Wordy Wednesday

2011-08-09T10:13:00.002-04:00

I'm working on a major project right now. So Wordy Wednesday will be put on hold for the time being. Hopefully I'll be able to make an announcement about the project by the end of this week.

Wish me luck!

~magick~
Meliss

Mi-ni-Meliss-tic 5: Old Garments

2011-08-08T08:45:00.005-04:00

"Every loss in Life I consider as the throwing off of an old garment in order to put on a new one; and the new garment has always been better than the old one." Hazrat Inayat Khan as quoted in SARK's book Glad No Matter What

~magick~
Meliss

I wanna make art!

2011-08-02T11:19:00.023-04:00

That was a declaration I made one year ago today. It was in response to a life and death question.

Do I want to smoke.....OR do I want to make art?

Do I want to continue to whittle my life down with time spent smoking cigarettes or do I want my life to be whittled down by days filled with time spent making art?

It was one or the other. There wasn't room in my life to be dedicated to both.

So, I had to chose.

So, I chose.

I chose the one that would make me proud at the end of my life. I chose art. I chose Me.

And at some point when it got really hard to keep on not smoking, I decided that I could smoke if I wanted to. I was allowed to.

But still, I didn’t.

Because somehow giving myself that permission to go back was what I needed to stay away. I had all the power. It was my choice. No one was forcing me into this. I was choosing it.

I continued to choose to not smoke even when many, many hurtful things happened to me.

I continued to choose to make art in its stead.

Did you ever see the video where I cry? That was real. Those are real tears that I cried during the single worst betrayal of my life so far. Ever been kissed by Judas? I have.

And still, I didn’t smoke. I knew that no person, no matter how much I adore them, is worth me hurting myself over. How would hurting me change the fact that someone else had hurt me? It wouldn’t. How would hurting me help to heal the wound that someone else had created? It wouldn’t.

So I didn’t. I just had to move on. So I did. And now I am more joyful and more at peace than ever before in my life. That would have never happened if I was still self-mutilating through smoking cigarettes.

I could say that it wasn’t easy or it was easy because truly it was. It was both of those at different times and sometimes, at the same time.

And I would definitely say, “I received lots and lots and LOTS of help from God in all kinds of ways!!!! So Thanks Buddy!!!! You're the best!!!!"

And now I’ve arrived at the 1st anniversary of the day I quit smoking. And I’m so far away...

that cigarettes will never reach me again.

Especially because I have to walk through a cloud of toxic air created by inconsiderate smokers outside Walmart which causes me to I realize how much it stinks and disgusts me and makes me sick to my stomach. And how badly I feel for everyone who smokes.

But if cigarettes ever do reach out and grab me again,

I am a total idiot!

But that won’t happen.

Because I am wiser and grander than ever before in Thee history of Thee World.

But mostly, it's because 14 year old me is no longer in control.

Nor is she hurting, for I have traveled back in time and healed her.

So she never has to smoke again.

Instead, she takes deep breaths of fresh clean air and thinks, “Life is so very magickal! And so am I!”

Now, perhaps you smoke and want to know how I quit....or perhaps you have a mess of your own and want to know how to get out of it. Here’s how I did it.

I just did it. I gritted my teeth. I grinned and beared it.

I didn't talk about it. All this time, you knew nothing of the suffering I was going through behind the scenes. I posted and never said a thing this whole year. I rarely ever talked about it with hubby or friends. For me, that made it worse. It's like talking someone up - have you ever talked about someone and the next thing you know BOOM, there they are. Talking about it gives it power. I wanted to starve it! The best thing for me was to keep it off my mind until I had so much time under my belt that I would never dream of back-sliding.

I paid the price it cost to get myself out of the trouble I had gotten myself into. Simple as that. I paid whatever price I had to pay to get out. I knew there would be a price to pay before I started to quit. I knew it would be hard, but I was determined. Between God and my will power to win the battle, I was delivered from that bondage.

We cannot expect to make a mess and to never have to go through the pain of cleaning it up. Suffering was the price I paid. I laid myself down upon the altar and allowed it to be slowly and meticulously cut out of me and I sought out and found the sweetness that lies inside this kind of pain.

I looked at cigarettes as my enemy....as a demon. I saw this as a war. I wanted to come out of it victorious. I fell out of love with that enemy. I realized that any voice in my head saying anything about smoking, mostly, “I like to smoke” was a flat out LIE! I don’t like to smoke. The addiction likes to smoke, not me. I realized there was a difference between me and the addiction. The addiction would do anything, say anything to get what it wanted and my job was to stay on my toes and not let it talk me into doing anything stupid like smoking.

Cigarettes are terrorists with bombs that we breathe in.

I realized that there is no magickal, perfect time to go through the pain of change that’s going to cause you to succeed. There is no time when you won’t experience stress of some kind. As a matter of fact, be prepared for the most difficult time in your life so when it's easy you'll be relieved.

I found out that I needed to spend time comforting me. I found things to comfort me that were healthy or at least more healthy than smoking. Like taking baths, watching movies, snuggling up, reminding me how much I like me and what a great job I was doing. I spent some of the money I would have spent on smokes on me - I bought new music. My theme song was Pink’s “So What”. I also really liked Francesca Battistelli's My Paper Heart (sounds so mixed media that I couldn't resist).

So, get whatever tools you’d like: the patch (that’s what I used), the gum, but remember this: It’s a tool.....a hammer doesn’t put a nail in the wood, you do. It just helps you do it. Don’t think these items will keep you from craving a smoke because they won’t. You just have to realize that a smoke isn’t going to solve any problem you’re having, it won't make you feel better, and it won’t make any experience better or more fun. The only thing it will do is make you feel like a big jerk because you lost the battle until finally it KILLS YOU. Now, does that sound like something you want to do?

The movie Lean on Me has a great quote regarding this subject -

“Why don't you just jump off the roof, right here and now? That's what you really want, isn't it? Yes, you do. You smoke crack, don't you, boy? Don't you smoke crack? Yeah, I thought so. And you know what that does to you? You don't? It kills your brain cells, son. It kills your brain cells! Now when you're destroying your brain cells, you're doing the same thing as killing yourself. You're just doing it slower! Now, I say if your wanna kill yourself, don't fuck around with it, do it expeditiously! Go on and jump! JUMP!”

Smokers are under the impression that smoking is relaxing. It isn't. The only reason we think it's relaxing is because:

Your body is getting a fix so it's not freaking out anymore about how it needs a smoke.
You are breathing and concentrating on that breath.

When you have a really bad craving just try breathing in consciously and deeply several times.

Also, stop for a moment and find out if you are actually hungry. Smoking is an appetite suppressant. Many of us smoke instead of eating when we're actually hungry. We begin to read the sign that our body needs something as, "I need a smoke" instead of, "I need to refuel myself."

Have I gained weight. Yes. Am I freaking out about it? No. I was more interested in quitting smoking. I didn't go off the deep end, but I did indulge myself because what I was going through was hard. Now that the year is up, I'm moving onto dealing with the weight. You can't climb two mountains at once.

Today’s Joyce Meyer: Enjoying Everyday Life had a great quote by Joyce:

“How serious are you about the call of God on your life? Are you gonna quit and give up if things don’t come through right away when you think they aught to? Let me tell you something - You do anything for God, it’s gonna take longer than you thought it would, it’s gonna be harder than you ever thought it would be, and it’s gonna cost you more than you ever thought you could pay.”

The same holds true for things you do for yourself. The question is, as always.....ARE YOU WORTH IT????

Yes, I am.

~magick~
Meliss

Mi-ni-Meliss-tic 4: The Man and The Moon

2011-08-01T10:07:00.004-04:00

soft dream.

walking in the mist.

in the middle of the night.

the sadness came out mine eyes.

~magick~
Meliss

Buried Treasure 2011

2011-07-28T06:20:00.007-04:00

Seth over at The Altered Page has created an event titled Buried Treasure which you can read more about here. It's about going back and finding "buried treasure" in the form of posts that you love. I'm also using two of my all-time favorite pictures for this post.

Here are a few of my "buried treasures"......I had a really hard time choosing.

The Delicate Nature of Being

A More Way

Something of 'This' Sort

Earth Task

I have several videos you can check out if you'd like.

You can also find a link to another of my favorite posts over on the right. Thanks for visiting and Thanks Seth for creating such a cool event!

~magick~
Meliss

Wordy Wednesday 3: Victim

2011-07-27T10:59:00.002-04:00

It might interest you to know that the word victim comes from the Latin word victima which means victim, sin offering, sacrifice. In Websters 7th New Collegiate Dictionary, it means:

a living being sacrificed to a deity or in the performance of a religious rite
someone injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions
someone tricked or duped

But it might interest you more to know that it isn't in the Bible. No-where in the Bible is the word victim mentioned. There are a lot of different kinds of people and situations talked about in the Bible, the Bible is a pretty big book (just in case you didn't notice), and they (victims) aren't even mentioned! As soon as I realized this I said, "Whaaaaaa??? For real?"

Now, while I don't believe the Bible is the end all of everything, but I do know it is a pretty important book Full of wisdom. So...if a word isn't even mentioned in it......that means something to me.

But, what?

Someone said, "There are no victims, only volunteers."

Is this "the proof" that that statement is true??

What do you think of the concept that we come to Life to learn different things? To have a variety of experiences? To understand Who or What I Am is through those experiences?

So, if there are no victims, does that mean we are participants? Even in the most horrid things that happen?

I curious, what do you think?

~magick~
Meliss

Mi-ni-Meliss-tic 3: The Greatest Power

2011-07-25T10:55:00.005-04:00

progression must have its seasons of repose;

and these are the soul's sweetest music,
harmonizing the entire being and fitting it for mightier battles,
for greater victories.

And in these lulls lies, after all, the greatest power.

from the book Experiences of Eon and Eona

~magick~
Meliss

The Laws of The Woods

2011-07-22T11:14:00.002-04:00

When there's no path to follow,
you have to make your own.

A tree that becomes hollow,
then becomes a home.

In the human world, we want to be seen,

not left all alone in a scene filled with green.

But in the forest, invisibility is a gift,

where praying mantis is alone and hope-fully adrift.

Wood dries and it hardens and turns into fuel,

for trees still alive to keep this place cool.

Podlings,

and seedlings,

and strange sticky fruit grow,

while berries do ripen in the summer sun's glow.

Butterflies appear to be sitting in wait,

casting away all control of their fate,

but this is the place where they're most liberate,

for a bloom is a time to stop and celebrate,

all the gifts and the ways that their forest home provides,

place after place to find shelter and hide,

the renewal of life ever-lasting and true,
but this is the last law that I'll tell to you...

If you walk far enough in,
to the deepest
most secret part,

there,
that is where,
you'll find the forest's heart.

~and I hope you do~
Meliss

PS: For my friend whom I adore and miss........squeezies!!

A Birthday Brothers post

2011-07-20T09:02:00.009-04:00

It's that time again.....when you have 10 cats.....it's almost always that time again.

Happy Birthday time for Wentz and Mooka!

They've had their Fancy Feast feast and now it's story time,
so a birthday tail in honor of the brothers.

Once upon a move from an apartment to a house,
four years ago,
we decided to get a new kitten.
And when you go to the local humane league website and see a face like this...

there's no resisting.

And then when you talk to the girl who is fostering them
and she says, "We're having a two for one deal......"
because she knows you won't be able to resist,
there's definitely no resisting.

And even though you didn't really want another black cat,
you did want a cuddly, lovable cat,
so you choose the "free" one based on personality and not looks.

And when you bring them home,
Rowan and Binx are not happy about it,
especially when the "free" one gets sick
and then proceeds to get every other cat sick,
one by one.
Cats have boogies.

So you take them to the vet
and someone asks, "Are they brothers?"
and you smile and reply, "They are now."

Finally they all get over it,
and that's when the playing in Tastycake boxes begins......

and right after that it's nap time.....

and more naps...

and then it's some seriously hard napping - anywhere and everywhere.

and maybe sneaking in a little suckle on a stuffed bear
because someone wasn't quite ready to stop suckling
(until about 2 years ago when new kittens showed up).

So, you keep taking pictures of them while they're sleeping
because it's the only pictures that aren't blurry
(kittens are very hard to take good pictures of).

Until they wake up...

and say...

Why are you always taking pictures of us?

"It's for one day when I tell a little birthday story about little two boys
who became birthday brothers."

and they reply, "Oh, okay then."

~magick~
Meliss

Mi-ni-Meliss-tic 2: I forgot the words and have become hopelessly lost

2011-07-18T13:17:00.004-04:00

"Guarded indeed were we by the heavenly messengers

whose special province it was to be a light

in the paths of lost children."

from the book Experiences of Eon and Eona

~magick~
Meliss

The La-boratory at Fern Hill Cottage: The Home of My Artistic Soul

2011-07-14T09:54:00.061-04:00

First, a movie for your viewing pleasure.

(Welcome! This post is for the "Where Bloggers create 2011" event - see the sidebar to link to the list of participants. Click on the pictures to make them bigger. I hope you enjoy your stay.)

Do you think this room knew before I lived here
what it would become?

Or is Its life more like ours....

Hoping.
Wishing.
Dreaming.

Growing.
Changing.
Chasing.

Pursuing our own self through time,

always one step behind,
until one day...

we Find ourselves,
Capturing,
Then Unfolding,
And Finally,
Revealing Thee True Nature of Being.

Then we can look at all these gathered up and collected bits,
and know...
This is what our insides look like,
and finally arrive at some appreciation
of the person we don't know we already are.

During my investigation, here's what I've found out about this room.

While it awaited creation,
it swirled around Thee Pool of Incandescence,
and imagined It's Self formed...

of gossamer bags filled with ghostly moon faces
married to bags filled with Time,

of glass jars overflowing with moss,

of dried gourds with hidden seeds just waiting to be shaken,

of flowers long ago bloomed,

of buds never opened
which dried into a beautiful form all their own,

of rusty stars leaned on green glass jars
filled with birch bark from a friend,

of luminous coins longing to be spent,

of herbal leaves lying behind oddities to admire,

of Chinese Lanterns to enlighten the way,

of feathers made of flight,

of fuzzies bristling in many directions,

of strange unknown pods gathered on a walk,

and of birds that freely sit in cages with doors wide open...

or not there at all.
(Because truly, caged birds make it sad. Me too.)

But mostly
I believe
It imagined Its Wondrous Self formed of Art of many varied kinds.

And when I finally realize all this,
I notice that the dusk has crept over the day.

And night brings her shroud of hush
around the world out~side of this space.
That is the time when the shadows begin their play,
About Adventure and Thee Loves of Luck.

And it gets darker and darker and harder to see
that is when this room reminds me of me...

I am color,

and I am words mixed with beautiful images,

and I am light and dark and all the I am~s in between,

and I am enchanted by nature,

and I am lead by an unknown intelligence
that never never ever leaves my side,

but most of all,
I am Art of many varied kinds.

So now it is proven,
We are not where we began 4 years ago.
Progress has been made.
But nor are we at where we end.
We are delightfully somewhere in the development of the idea of us,
me and my room,
and of the life we share together.

Meliss

Wordy Wednesday 2: Living Through The Plains

2011-07-13T11:39:00.010-04:00

“Living through the plains” means realizing that Life isn’t some constant party where the clean up time never arrives, where we are constantly surrounded by loved ones who act perfectly nice all the time, where the music never stops playing and no matter what it is, it’s your favorite song, and where we look amazing although we haven’t looked in the mirror for hours because we’ve been too busy dancing. Oh, and we can eat and drink whatever we want because we’ll never gain any weight from it nor be sick in any way!

It’s realizing that Life is work, Life is boring, Life is lonely, Life is un-fulfilling, Life is tiring, and Life is really sucky sometimes, but mostly, it’s ordinary, Life is just ordinary. It isn’t TV or the movies or books. Those are entertainment. Life is not entertainment, it is a state of being.

But thankfully, “living through the plains” is also realizing that Life is a wonderfully amazing experience where we can still be blissful and not have to be a Kardashian.

Most days it’s just me and the cats and the trees and the birds and the squirrels and the chipmunks and the art. And somehow, amazingly enough, I am able to create a meaningful day for myself without a flourish of trumpets or cheers. That’s not always easy, especially when our society constantly bombards us with the idea that,“If you aren’t BIG, you aren’t important. If you aren’t KNOWN, you aren’t needed. If you aren’t POPULAR, YOU ARE NOBODY!” We are constantly looking toward other people to pay more and more attention to us while we pay less and less attention to ourselves because we’re too busy trying to get the attention of said other people.

To own the plain’ness of your life is more of a triumph than to live some public existence. The courage it takes to live a small life and find meaning in it will probably only ever be rewarded by you and the life itself.

Okay, let’s get into Webster’s 7th New Collegiate Dictionary and break it down-

Plain: noun : from Latin planus - flat or level: treeless country, a broad unbroken expanse, something free from extraneous matter (coming from the outside and having no relevance), free of impediment to view, unobstructed, evident to the mind or sense, obvious, clear.

That means a place with no shade from the scorching sun, nowhere to hide from anything or anyone, nothing to distract you or to call attention away from yourself....it’s just You and your life.

Some would call this hell. What they are actually saying is that spending time with their Self is unpleasant and not just unpleasant, but torturous and vile. Seriously?

Some would say, “I would go crazy.” Would you really? First of all, only people who think they aren’t crazy are actually crazy. Second, you may become disturbed at deep levels because you aren’t used to actually dealing with your own feelings and thoughts, but there is tons of guidance available out there (see suggested reading).

‘The Plains’ are a good place to be. Any place that provides the opportunity to “come out into the open, which is the only place where you can meet God” to find out Who You Are is a good place. We have hidden ourselves away from ourselves for far too long. Cowering in the shadows. Afraid to claim our own ordinary, plain ‘ole self. (quote from The Awakened Heart Project)

Plain is related to another word that looks different, but we pronounce it the same.....

Plane: noun: from Latin planus - level (from diminutive of libra, weight, balance) 1 a: a surface of such nature that a straight line joining two of its points lies wholly in the surface - Plane applies to any real or imaginary flat surface in which a straight line between any two points on it lies continuously in it.

We are a line. When we are standing upright or lying down flat, our bodies create a line. Inside, there are two lines, that I can think of, that connect us together - one is the spine and the other is the line of the Chakra System. (Did you know that butterflies in your belly is really your third chakra tickling you and saying pay attention to me?) We can live wholly (and holy) if we are connected to our self by multiple points, such as heart and mind. We cannot live a balanced life if we are only connected to our mind nor only connected to our heart. Neither is very wise on its own, but together they can guide us well.

A plane is also (2) a level of existence, consciousness, or development.

There are many levels of awareness and of being’ness. Awake is one. Asleep is another. There are many more in-between and out-between (if that makes sense). Becoming more and more aware in our daily life is vital to self-development and to living the life we long to live. Why we do the things we do. Why our life is the way it is. Why when so and so does such and such we want to scream. These are all things we can ask ourselves while hanging out in ‘The Plaines.’ Many times we sabotage ourselves and don’t know why or even that we’re doing it because we’re so wrapped up in other things or people.

It’s easy when we think we’re paying attention (but in truth we probably aren’t) to get caught up in unnecessary drama. Many of our regrets are made up of times when we really weren’t connected with ourselves enough to be able to say, “Okay, what’s REALLY going on here and how do I want to respond to this situation?”

My friend Dee describes the levels of awareness like a tree. The higher up, the broader the view. Down on the ground you can only see so far, but high in the branches you can see for miles. Isn’t it funny then that there’s a kind of tree called the plane tree (Sycamore)? It’s also called Platanus which is akin to the Greek word platys which means broad. The dictionary indicated that there was “more {to be found} at {the word} Place.”

Place: noun: from feminine of platys - broad, flat; akin to Latin planta - sole of the foot. 1 a: a way for admission or transit

‘The Plains’ are your ticket into you, they are your way through the harshness of Life. They are a passage from one level to another. Wanna know how?

Plane: verb intransitive: from the plane formed by the wings of a soaring bird

Plane: 3 a: one of the main supporting surfaces of an airplane.

There are two main points here:

This balanced surface is necessary for flight. Flight will not only not happen without it, but more likely a crash will occur. It is up to us to maintain our own personal balance. (Although in my art I still believe one good wing is all we need ;)

Assistance will be provided to you. Even on ‘The Plains’ with no one else in sight, we are not left alone. A pilot has a guiding voice, watching out, watching over, telling them which direction to head, (as well as many unseen others working to help the plane arrive safely), but it’s up to them to fly the plane.

You know, an airplane is a great way to get from one place to another quickly, far above the surface level traffic where it’s just a bunch of time wasting red lights and honking horns. Up there, close to our maker, it’s quiet, peaceful, and so much easier to hear that still small voice saying to us, “Hineni.” *

Key points and reminders:

* Hineni (pronounced hee-nay-nee) is a Hebrew word that means “here I am” or “here I stand”. It is the answer to the deep calling from within (that which can be known as “God”) that says, “I am willing to do that which I am called to do. I am willing to face that which I am called to face. I know it will be labored AND painful, yet I am willing. I will feel emotions, yet I will not run. I will feel physical distress, yet I will not run. I will struggle to remain. But I will again respond with Hineni, Here I am and Here I stand until I am somewhere else, saying, ‘Hineni’.”

Don’t be afraid to spend time with you. You should be your own BFF.

Claiming yourself without reservation is a healing balm on your human spirit.

Consciousness is vital. What am I thinking about???? And what do I think about what I’m thinking about?

Many people have a case of the ‘I don’t matters’, especially artists. It’s a fact (yeah) that no matter how many trumpets you have blasting your every action, if you don’t have self-worth you have nothing. History has shown us how many have destroyed themselves simply because they couldn’t detect their own worth and value. Popularity has never saved anyone from death.

Being on top doesn’t matter - the reason is because there is no such thing as being on top. The good news is also bottom doesn’t exist.

On ‘The Plains’ you are free to be who you are, not who they want you to be. What a relief!

Honestly, it’s probably better that you’re not a Kardashian.....too many distractions, too many ropes pulling you in too many directions and most of them are attached to a tree at the other end waiting to hang you.

Mental and emotional stability (I’m not talking crazy or not crazy, I’m talking stable vs. not stable), which takes work (this is not something that is generally a natural gift for us all), is needed to pass through ‘The Plains’. It takes work to keep You in control of you. Many of us think we are in control of ourselves, but in reality it is our past that is controlling us. We are simply playing out roles that were handed to us by whoever was around us when we were young and impressionable.

“On the exterior, he (The Sage) lives simply, almost austerely (dry, unadorned, plain), but his inner world is filled to overflowing with richness.” (The Faeries’ Oracle - Froud and MacBeth) Your inner world is too.

Personal notes:

In the ‘plain’ life I live, my focus is on enjoyment. Did I enjoy my day? If not, why not? Is it wrong of me to focus on my own enjoyment? Is it selfish? Why? I deserve to enjoy my life. I was not put here to suffer...to learn, but not to suffer.

Entertainment to the hubby and I lately has been the hummingbirds and the baby racoons (aren’t they cute?). Nothing real fancy about that, but we’re there every night looking for them.

I battle against that voice that says I don’t matter. I don’t care about popularity, nor appreciation. I simply want to be a blessing. That is my goal. My ego cares, but I just don’t. Caring about that stuff has never gotten me anywhere good.

I am almost constantly catching myself doing stuff - going over old stories in my mind, telling someone off in my head after I already decided it wasn’t worth it to do so, being worried about something that I cannot change or control, muttering about petty annoyances, the list could go on.....but I catch myself and say, “Hey stop thinking about that” or “Get lost” or “There’s nothing I can do about that” and I return to the present moment. 3 minutes later I do the same thing over again. :)

Suggested reading list:

Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore
stories by Paulo Coelho, especially Veronica Decides to Die and The Alchemist
many kinds of oracle cards are helpful as well, I’ve used The Faeries’ Oracle by Froud and MacBeth for years
The Sevenfold Journey by Anodea Judith and Selene Vega
Iyanla Vanzant!! In the Meantime, Yesterday I Cried
SARK’s early works

~Thanks for taking this journey with me and I hope it blesses you~
Meliss

Mi-ni-Meliss-tic 1: Of Heavenly Birth

2011-07-11T09:19:00.008-04:00

"At this hour of the night and under such peculiar circumstances,

despair might have come to my soul
had not the tireless watchers who were leading us
been nearer me than all earthy friends could be;

but as it was
they breathed into my heart
the fires of a determination
that could in no way be extinguished."

from the book Experiences of Eon and Eona.

~magick~
Meliss

A plate full of collected magick

2011-07-01T10:23:00.019-04:00

I found the plate at an Anthropological place.
simple. beautiful. empty space.

Then I found the rusty, crusty key.
thrown away long ago by some unknown somebody
maybe because they forgot,
what it was you did unlock.
or maybe it was because they did not see,
what you were meant to open was my belief in Me.

Then I found the skin of a snake

the ghost of its face left wide and awake.

One side of the skin is cut like a jewel
while the other one formed like rings in a pool

Nests of all kinds
are favorite finds

from creatures that fly,
Life's high above spy.

Tiny black feather with spots made of white,

Dragonfly wing made of crystalline flight.

Then back on the ground
here's what I found.

Two pieces of wood
through one look, you could.

and what would you see?
Lots of rocks possibly.
But alas to you I must confess,
(to keep this rhyme from becoming a mess)
Some rocks on this plate weren't sought,
but alas and instead they were actually bought.
But again, if you take them away,
and into the air you do say
"Meliss, please tell us what's left in the end?"

Only the heart shaped rocks found by my friend.

~magick~
Meliss

ps: Thanks my friend Sandy for all of your contributions to my plate full of magick! Love you!

ps: Thanks Yoda for making it okay to talk backwards.

Wordy Wednesday 1: Accomplish

2011-06-29T10:17:00.001-04:00

It feels like there are so many things to do. I feel pulled in many, many directions. Which way? Do, do, do - which ‘thing’ do I do? Go, go, go - which way do I go? ACCOMPLISH!! I feel, actually physically feel the PRESSURE (Isn’t it strange that we can physically feel an emotional/mental state of mind? We are multi-dimensionally experiencing machines.) I sometimes can’t figure out what to do - yard work, art, housework? Well, if I choose the yard, the next question becomes this....what do I do in the yard? THE WEEDS? What a daunting task that is! (My secret weapon against weeds is a nice drink of white vinegar on a hot day - the acid kills them dead, but don’t get it on your plants, it’ll kill them too.) Then the excuses roll in...it’s too hot, I don’t have any vinegar, it’s not sunny, etc. etc. Okay, so say I go with art - man, that’s the worst one to pick, there are so so many ‘things’ to do there...paintings to paint, the la-boratory to work on as always, videos to do, stories to write, pictures to take, blah, blah, blah - a mountain of projects that seems to always be growing, twisting it’s way so it hangs directly over my head. Finally, because I’ve already shot down two ideas, a really mousey voice comes out and says, “uh, how about house-work????” That actually sounds better than the other two choices right now - dishes, here I come. So, while doing the mindless work of the house, my mind gets bored and begins a conversation with its-self.

There’s so many things to do outside...the sticker bushes are taking over...there’s stuff I still haven’t planted yet and it’s June! I gotta do that....yeah, gotta do that.....and then there’s those two hills that are covered in weeds. Yeah, but what about the house? I need to finish painting the trim while the weather is nice, then I gotta paint the bathrooms, the kitchen cabinets....UGH! (feeling overwhelmed) I’ll never get it all done!! But I need to get it all done....right now so the yard and house can be nice and I can feel okay!!

That’s when I catch myself, when I realize that I’m freaking out, almost unconsciously. I take a deep breath and begin to have a more rational conversation with me. My friend Dee’s wise words about gardening come in handy. “It’ll take you 10 years to get it how you want it.” We’ve lived here almost 4 years and in that time there’s lots of projects we’ve done, lots of things we’ve changed. We built a path around the side of the house to the woods outback, put in an herb garden (which as this point is more like a lemon balm garden - that stuff is gonna take over the world), added another small garden with a trellis built from wood we found in the woods, covered the weed infested area out front around the lilies with homemade mulch from our wood chipper, and made a fire pit.

There have also been other projects that didn’t work out or we just couldn’t keep up with (3.5 acres is a lot, especially when you lived in an apartment before that) - for example: the trails we raked in the woods which are now totally covered by leaves again. It just didn’t make sense to keep up, we were way too scared of getting ticks to actually walk back there, but don’t want to spray ourselves with poison just to walk in the woods (seems ironic - walk in woods, healthy, poison, unhealthy). So, chalk that up to live and learn. The hubby always says, “Oooohhh, why can’t we learn it, why do we have to live it?”

As easy as these projects may seem, they’re hard work, they take lots of elbow grease and time, always much more time than we think they will. So, my friend’s words comfort me and return me to Earth, make me remember that everything takes time. That’s how it is. That’s how it’s meant to be - seed, time, harvest. The time comes in between the beginning and the end. The time isn’t important, it’s what we fill it with. Patience is required for a pleasant journey here on Earth. There are infinite opportunities to grow our ability to wait. That is directly related to how we wait, in other words how we feel while we’re waiting and how we act while we’re waiting (but don’t expect to wait well every time, we’re all allowed to be crabby on occasion). I have found that we can get ourselves into a fair amount of trouble by not waiting to have some “thing”, do some “thing”, be some “thing” - financial trouble, physical trouble, mental/emotional trouble....and for what? ACCOMPLISHMENT. Because that really means something...to have, to do, to be. That means you’re Accomplished. That means you’re somebody.....right???

Perhaps.

Let’s dig up it’s roots and have a look-see with my 1969 Webster’s dictionary....1969 was before they started modernizing everything.

The word accomplishment is from the Latin ad - which means to or towards combined with the Latin complere - which means to fill up, complete.

There it is! That’s the whole problem! Did you catch it?

We look to accomplishment to fill up. To fill up what? To fill up time, to fill up space (Is it true that our bodies are full of space? I heard that somewhere.). Accomplishments provide meaning where otherwise there wouldn’t be any. Without doing something that society would approve of we have no meaning. Really? No, not really...that’s just a lie someone told us and many of us keep spreading it around, like a rumor, in order to keep the mouse wheel turning (the hubby would probably blame the rich people for this - they need us little people to keep their lifestyle).

Here’s a good question to start with: Are we full or are we empty? What is your underlying belief about yourself?

I believe we arrive full and complete to our Earth experience, needing nothing, but perhaps believing we do (that’s part of how Life is experienced - see suggested reading *). So, how can I fill up something that is already full? The answer is that I can’t. I can try to trade some of what’s already in there for what I want to put in - perhaps that’s where many of us go wrong. We replace what we were innately born with, with what the world provides. It’s like trading veggies and fruits for empty, sugary calories. Most people are actively doing that right now. What would make us want to trade the glorious treasures we posses inside for the fanfare of this world? (mainly love because we were in some way damaged in our past and have not healed our wounds -also acceptance, approval, money, power, material items, security, etc.)

When I try to fill up something that is already full with more, a pressure is created. Pressure is associated with accomplishment in our society. A coincidence? I think not. I believe this is one way the pressure we feel inside is created - I see it as a mental/emotional/physical manifestation of a physical/psychological/spiritual occurrence. Feeling empty is mostly just a lie we tell ourselves (it can also be a sign that something is “wrong” in your life - it takes emotional work to determine which is true for you).

We are constantly trying to validate our existence by doing something or being something more or other than what/who we are. The measurements we use come from outside “things” (actual things, people, money, popularity, comments, followers, visitors, stats, etc. - blogland is full of these traps). We are trained to use these measurements from the beginning from others who are using these measurements. It is only when we see that they hold no merit whatsoever that we are able to begin to break away.

The only, singular, and true measure of us is our own belief that WE (period). ARE (period). WORTHY (period). That is all. Everything else is malarkey. Inside we know this (you can lie to your outer self, but never to your inner self - it knows all). Maybe this is another place from which that pressure we feel arises - our own uncomfortable’ness with what we are doing.

If I never made another piece of art, I would still be a valid human soul, not an artist anymore, but being an artist doesn’t mean anything more than that. Artist is something I choose to do with my life. If I sat on the couch until I died, would I still be a valid human soul? Absolutely. Perhaps I wouldn’t have used my opportunity at “the game of Life” to the best of my ability, but still valid and worthy. Making art doesn’t make me better, it helps me feel better than if I hadn’t done anything at all. I’m here, I might as well do something instead of nothing. There is a balance between accomplishing for the sake of using and sharing our gifts, for the experience in Life, for the enjoyment it brings us and accomplishing in order to gain some kind of imaginary or real Earthy status. We all have things we need to accomplish for varied reasons. The hubby would lose his Earthy status with me if he stopped taking the trash out, but he’d still be valid as a spiritual being. Becoming aware of our motives for doing something - inner reason versus outer reason - can help us win any battles we face in this arena.

Personal notes:

I am constantly learning about this inner versus outer balance. It feels like a lesson I am constantly being exposed to and then promptly forgetting.

Does it really matter if I ever get rid of all those weeds? As far as who I am? No. In terms of my yard being beautiful to me? Yeah. So, that’s the difference. I deal with the weeds because I want to. (This is how you check your own motives - question Your Self.)

Having time to watch the birds or feel a warm breeze is important to me, so I need to figure nurturing things like into my day. I never want to live a life where it’s go, go, go constantly accomplishing tasks. That’s just not for me. No matter what I did in life, if I couldn’t watch a chipmunk eat for 2 minutes because I was too busy, I’d feel like I was missing out on something great.

I long to stop finding myself under the pressure of accomplishment. I long to stop putting myself there. I long to stop allowing the outside to change my mind or to alter my path, even if only momentarily. I long to know my path, to believe in my path, to know it is divinely ordered, and then to have the determination stick to it no matter what.

Reminders:

You are valid and worthy period regardless of what you accomplished or didn’t accomplish today. The sooner you believe that, the sooner you can stop fooling around with all this nonsense and be the awesome You that You are!

Seed, time, harvest - what are you filling the middle time with? Always do what you want to do with YOUR time. You can want to do the dishes, you know.

Set your own measurement for the word Accomplished. Define your life by your terms and by what’s important to you.

Ask yourself - why am I doing this? Make sure it’s YOU answering and not the pretend you.

Become aware of your mind chatter. Choose to have conscious, rational conversations with yourself instead of unconscious, unmonitored ranting sessions.

There will always be “wasted” or misspent time on projects that don’t work out. We can limit this by being thoughtful about our actions, but we cannot completely avoid it. My best advice - laugh at your own stupidity or at least laugh at your husband’s.

Joyce Meyer says, “Patience is a fruit of the spirit that is born only under trial.” Meaning: patience is only developed by having to wait.....so you might as well develop it because it is a fact that we will all wait (period).....sometimes for a really long time.

And by the way, I didn’t touch on this part of the word, but - Nothing, NOTHING (and no one) completes us! Please, PLEASE people, stop believing that other people or things complete you! We are works in process that are whole in every single moment of Now. How can something be in process and whole you ask? That is the wonder of Life - isn’t nothing still something?

Suggested reading:

* Conversations with God series by Neale Donald Walsch
SARK’s early works

I'd love to hear your thoughts - I'll leave the comment section open until my next post (Friday). I hope you make a really great day for yourself!

~magick~
Meliss

I can't - video

2011-06-24T13:10:00.002-04:00

The audio is on the quiet side....so I suggest watching/listening when it's real quiet around you. Hope you enjoy it. Have a weekend as wonderfull as You are!

~magick~
Meliss

New blog feature: Wordy Wednesday

2011-06-22T09:54:00.006-04:00

I love looking up words and finding out what they mean. The more I've done it, the more I've found myself surprised. Words don't always mean what we think they do. Over time our language has changed:

We've made up new words for things that didn't exist before.
We've decided words mean things that they never meant before.
We've shortened things to make them faster because we're all so darn busy or it costs too much to fully say what we mean.

In other words, language is alive. It evolves as we evolve. Some-times that's good, some-times that's bad. In some cases we've grown and expanded ourselves. In some cases we've forgotten things that we, as a species, knew before. We've become distracted. And in some cases, we've actually "dumbed" things down for ourselves, which has really backfired on us because now our language has become watered down. I hate it when all the ice cubes melt in my drink and it tastes less like it's supposed to and more like Yuck! In our culture, it's all catch phrases and commercials and who owns the rights to them.

It's not all about definitions though. The roots of words are as important as their own particular meaning. The word or words a word was based upon contain secret codes that ancient places in us understand. We can forget, but we can't disregard where a word came from and pretend it holds no importance anymore because it's old. Newer isn't always better.

Last year I found a Webster's 7th New Collegiate Dictionary from 1969 sitting outside my local library just waiting to be recycled. I scooped it up and took it home. It contains wonder for my brain and spiritual knowledge for my soul. In other words, I adore it! I recently bought a 1958 Britannica World Language Edition of Funk and Wagnalls Standard Dictionary, letters A - P, from a yard sale. I also use Webster's World Thesaurus and a copy of The Oxford American Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus.

At times, in order to fully understand a subject, I am lead to other books to research ideas and connections such as books about animals or the chakras, The Bible, etc. I go where I am lead and write down what I find in my journal. I call this studying and I credit this "studying" with much of what I understand and believe about Life. I hope to share that knowledge with you and that you may gain your own understandings and beliefs about Life or further root yourself in what you already know.

I don't usually allow comments (a personal preference), but I'd love to hear any thoughts you might have about the words, so I'll try to remember to allow comments on Wednesdays. If I forget and you'd really like to share something, please email me (amagickalmeliss AT yahoo DOT com).

Looking forward to seeing you every other Wednesday.

~magick~
Meliss

In the flesh

2011-06-21T07:48:00.007-04:00

When warmth creeps slowly into each day,
strawberries and lemonade come together into my glass watermelon pitcher.

Fresh, fleshy bodies floating amongst frozen liquid.

Smooth touching textured with seed.

One clear, then white.
One red, then white.
Outside, they are different.
Inside, they are the same.

Then white yogurt with frozen berries of blue in watermelon glasses.

Crystallized juice can be so pretty.

Candy cantaloupe from Our Earth.

So pliable it can melt in your mouth.

My favorite knife cuts into all this yummy goodness for me.

Outside prickly, but cute.

Inside delicious, absolutely delicious.

And color - Oh The Color!

But it's not all just about the fruit -
Veggies are tasty too!

If you look closely,
you'll find the tiniest capsules of liquid that burst when you bite them
like fireworks in your mouth.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away,
what do you think all this will keep away?

Happy Summer!
Meliss

Sometimes rough is better

2011-06-01T16:07:00.018-04:00

Every so often, maybe more often than I'd like,
I wonder...
what am I doing all this for?
Not that I even contemplate stopping,
I just wonder what's the point?

All this art
all this blogging business
taking pictures
writing ideas down in journals...
what is the purpose again????

and then I get poetic:
I cry to the sky,
"Remind me why!"

Before I know it,
the replies find me vacuuming the rug.
They hide in the carpet,
and quickly,
before they get sucked up,
leap onto the vacuum and run up the length until reaching my hand.
At that point, I'm not sure if they just seep into my skin,
riding that inner highway to my brain,
or if they make the trip to one of my head holes and go in from there.
Please let them use my ears.
Man, if they go in my mouth, I really hope they washed themselves first.

The reasons begin to grip me.
They
Actually
Hold
Me.
I don't need to cling to them.

But if I did need to,
their rough surface would provide little niches for my rough places to attach to,
even in the most microscopic ways.
I never realized before right now how comforting rough can be,
when you need somewhere to fasten yourself to.

Oh, yeah,
you're probably wondering about the reasons...

My first reason is still me,
for I've found...
If I'm not IN it,
then I shouldn't be doing it.

The next reason is this -
I feel like all the work I do right now,
sends waves of positive energy back through time,
to the me of the past...
lonely,
unable,
hurt,
sad,
not cared for properly by others, hence by herself,
empty, empty, Empty.

Yet FULL,
obviously full of an unstoppable force,
which is why,
this journey has become Wondrous,
and I want her to know,
I want her to know that IT HAS BECOME WONDROUS!
And I want her to know where she is coming to,
going to,
arriving at,
creating.
I want her to know the HOME that I have become for her.
I want her to know, IT IS AMAZING!
And more bless-sed than she can imagine in her hard right now.
So Thee Me of Now says to the me of then.....
hang onto those rough places you're in girl,
for they are leading you into my strengthened arms.
Yeah.

But now I've arrived at the most compelling reason for me to continue.....
Thee Unknown One.
Thee One I don't know.
And maybe never will.
She's out there.
Living her life.
Needing something.
and perhaps I'm that something,
coming to her,
seeping into her being,
the way those reasons seeped into me,
helping to heal,
Soothe,
Transform,
Inspire.

And then some jerky inner voice just said to me,
"How dare you imagine that you could inspire someone!"
And I answer,
What an utterly stupid thought.
I've already inspired many,
many have told me so,
so why when I claim it is that a problem?
I know I've inspired some "popular" people,
even if they don't give me credit for it.
And I know if I can inspire the "popular",
as cool as they are,
I can inspire others.

I guess it really all just comes down to something that happened to me yesterday -

When a little girl walks past your art and actually gasps, "Oh my".......
it really just makes your heart sing.
I think not many little girls talk like that,
but she did.
And that's the last answer you need to the question "Why?"
Then you can move on
and get back to the heart of the art.

What if your entire lifetime was only about one encounter with someone else?
One moment in time,
when your life brushed against theirs,
altering what they believed their future to be about.
Is that enough?

~magick~
Meliss

Beyond This Head

2011-05-24T09:39:00.017-04:00

In dreams of little pink houses,
all in a row,
i tilt my head toward green planets.
i smile wide, broad, deeply from my innards.

i notice stars beyond my soul
they are a part of my most atomic pieces.
i find the sun shines in the night
on planets we don't understand.

And the mysts of Thee Universe float un-named
yet still vitally meshed into the being'ness of everything
that is seen
and unseen.

All these things don't necessarily know who you are,
but even though,
You Matter,
even if you don't believe you do.
It just doesn't matter what you believe.

Because Thee God of You believes for you and in you,
and frankly,
Knows.....It Knows.

So don't worry your pretty self about it,
because you'll never figure it out anyway.
It's hard enough just trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.
What are you having?

~magick~
Meliss

You have no power here, be gone before I drop a house on you!

2011-05-20T09:09:00.018-04:00

Look at how peaceful I was....
Sacred Priestess....
only yesterday.

And then.....................

Deep breath. You know, I get really tired of people trying to disturb my bliss.

Situations happen, that's life.

But people......they intentionally crawl out of the muck, where they live, come to my place where they know they are not invited, and start trying to screw around with me.

Trouble for them is that I don't eat poopie, not even close. And I am really proud of that. Not everyone has the courage to confront people who are destructive to them. I happen to be able to do so.

I mean come on, when you know someone has intentionally ended their relationship with you because you are a liar, a manipulator, a game player, and just an overall nut-ball.....and you show up to their online space and then email them about stuff you've seen on said online space???......yeah, that's intentional.

Well guess what? Challenge Accepted.

I know I'm highly entertaining, beautiful, intelligent, talented, but don't you have anything better to do with your life???? Why don't you spend all the time and energy you spend on me on something more productive because the fact is that continuing to act the way that you do isn't going to change a darn thing and in fact, as I told the tick, you are only further damaging any truly remote chances for the future. I believe though that is your true intention.....DAMAGE and as much of it as you can create. I choose to create art, you choose damage. I cannot respect that at all.

I would never have a relationship with someone like you, no matter how many things you may find that we have in common. Gee, if you like chocolate like me, we could be best friends even though you are completely untrustworthy.

So like Thee Tick and Thee Fly before you, I'll say the same thing to you: SHOO!! Go away. The rest of us are enjoying ourselves and being positively Pro-ductive, not De-structive.

I won't be this nice again.

Man, they just can't stay away from me!!!! Kinda makes me giggle!

Let's be honest, there are battles to be fought in life. We can't turtle (no offense meant turtle) or hide our heads in the sand pretending it's not true (especially not this, your butt is totally exposed for someone to come along and kick!). Battle isn't something that I go looking for.....you won't see me going to their online spaces (I don't even know if they have any).....but when someone brings it to me, I am willing and able to defend my territory. You can call me a lot of things, but coward is not one of them.

Just because I have a blog online, which is free for almost anyone to look at, does not give someone whom I have extricated from my life the right to look. If I don't speak to you anymore, don't come to my blog! It's real easy people. I know, I know, without me, your life is boring and without meaning. If you're not spying on me, talking about me, thinking about me.....what else is there? Fear not, you'll create more drama for yourself. You always do.

And I will still be here, minding my own business, like I always do.

Deep breath again.....it's kinda good, I didn't know what I was going to write today. So, now back to being Thee Queen of my mountain.

Don't let them mind-benders out there bend your mind. Know who you are. Be confident in that. Know who they are. Don't forget that snakes can and will bite you even if you are really, really nice to them. It is in their nature and they don't know any better. Know what you are willing to do to create a beautiful life for yourself. And lastly, know what you are willing to do to defend it.

~magick~
Meliss

ps: You know this really was the wrong time to have someone come against me, I've been watching Whale Wars.

In the Chamber of Interim

2011-05-17T10:50:00.002-04:00

I was wakeful all night

when modesty & calmness & easterly gales

smelled the freshness of Thee Earth

bathed themselves in dew

So, I listened to the nightingales straighten their nests

their words told things to my heart

You are the honeysuckle which wafts sweetly on the air

Lean down

kiss your own soul

draw your~self out

and go into the fields where
You
& your art
frolic under the indigo night sky.

~magick~
Meliss

Bird Watching

2011-05-09T21:42:00.018-04:00

When your camera starts doing stuff like this

and this

it's time to get a new one.

In the meantime, I've been taking pictures with the video camera, mostly of the birds who always seemed to be seeing me, see them. And thanks to my friend Sandy, I now have a bird book so I know who they are....mostly.

(Robin)

(Gray Catbird)

(White-Throated Sparrow)

(Blue Jay)

(female Cardinal)

During the fall and winter there was a small flock of bluebirds eating seeds from this tree.

(the red one is a House Finch

and the other two are American Goldfinches
- the male is the brighter yellow)

On this particular day, I counted 15 Goldfinches! That's a record for us. Every year more and more birds come, different kinds and more of each kind we already have.

The other day I caught a brief view of an Indigo Bunting. What a beautiful bird! Bright, electric blue against black.

In January, I saw something really rare - two Pileated Woodpeckers. They're huge! I thought I was recording, but apparently I never hit the record button. Grrrrr! Fortunately, I did accidentally snap one picture though.

We also had a Hawk of some kind hanging around. I was washing my hands and happened to see it sitting right out front searching for a meal.

This bird used to show up every day and sing outside my studio window. I can't seem to identify it though. Anyone know? (click the picture to make it bigger)

We also have lots of furry little nibblers.

I adore the chipmunks. Now that the cats are gone, the chipmunks have a chance of not being a cat-snack. I saw this one gathering food in the front yard.

And then there was this.....sitting in the corner of the laundry room. Gives me the heebee-geebies just looking at it again. This morning I checked my shoes before I put them on.

We explained to it that we were going to catch and release it outside. Thankfully it cooperated.

We're so good to the bugs.....we always catch them and put them back outside. We have a hard time killing them. Even if they're little and annoying or big scary, still doesn't give us the right to take their life. There are always exceptions to the rule though. When we do have to kill something (ants, ticks, etc.), we always say, "Sorry." Maybe we're weird. If so, I don't want to be "normal."

I haven't been arting much. Been feeling really blissfully domestic. Doing some gardening, cleaning, eating lots of fruit.

But I have some fun plans for the very near future........

~make some magick for yourself today~
Meliss

The Tragedy and Triumph of Life

2011-05-05T12:26:00.003-04:00

I'll warn you - this will probably make you cry. But I hope you are brave enough to watch it anyway.

~magick~
Meliss

Birthday Binkie Ballerina

2011-04-28T09:42:00.020-04:00

Aw, Binx, look how cute you were
when you were a tiny baby...
looking like E.T.

Naturally.
Mom, if Rowan got a birthday story post I want one too!

Okay Binx. Here goes....

Binx was born a poor little porch rat
and then she turned into
a beeeeee-u-tifull princess!
Here's a picture of you on your 2nd birthday.

Rowan loved her right away, well, almost right away...right after he told her who was the boss.

Yeah right, nobody is the boss of Binx, except maybe you, Mom.

I wanted a black cat for a long time
and then I finally got one
and it was Binx.

That guy who lives here always tells that story about Christmas.
He says, "One Christmas my cat went crazy."
He's a jerk.
It's not my fault you guys were taking too many pictures
and holding me too long
and over stimulating me
and ever since then you can't put your face near mine
because I'll get it.

That's true.

When Binx was tiny, she used to say,
"I'm not tired!"
And keep us up at night.
And then she grew up,
and like most cats,
she got really tired.

And she really liked to be warm.
Remember that time I let you
lay under the heating pad?

Yeah, that was awesome.

It was a magickal time before I had to say things like,
"It lays down or It gets the hose."

Yeah, it was B.K.

B.K. What's that mean?

You know what it means.

OoooooH, I get it.
And Binx's life was really peaceful.......
until....
dum dum DA.....
KITTENS!

Yeah, it used to be peaceful around here B.K - Before Kittens!
And then kittens named Mooka and Wentz moved in.
And when they grew up, they chased me.
And then after that, there were more kittens.
And now Wentz
and those bratty "kittens" named Twix and Pop-Tart and Cleo
are always getting me.

That guy who lives here says it's my fault cause I slink around like a smooth criminal.
I can't help slinking around, I'm a black cat.
Plus slinky rhymes with Binky.
So there.
I still say he's a jerk.
That's why I bite his calves.

Yeah, that is kinda funny.

Anyways, back to the story.
I used to sing a song
that went like this:
"Binx is a Ha-la-wee-ner, Haa-laa-a-weener"
Until one day she did her first tiny dance.
That was how she turned into
a bee-u-tifull Ballerina.
Now I sing this song:
"Binx is a Ba-la-ree-ner, Ba-la-a-reener."
And one day soon,
I'll get around to taking a picture
and maybe even some video
of Binx dancing.

Mom, what else is there to tell about me?

Let's see...
Binx loves to get bugs.
Whenever I say, "There's a buggie,"
Binx comes running to save me.

She also loves to play with peanuts in the shell.
Binx's offical name is Binx Bianca Bedazzle,
but I mostly call her things like
Doodle Bug and Binkle Dinkle.

When me and that guy who lives here
talk about "It", we call "It" "It",
which It doesn't seem to mind.

One time I saved Its life when It was little.
It got Its neck caught between the leg of the chair
and the leg of the table.
It also got a gift bag caught around Its neck
and ran all around the house like a maniac
while we chased It trying to get the bag off.
Although we found it rather amusing,
I don't think It found it funny at all.

Not in the slightest. That was horrible.
But if it happened to the kittens I'd laugh my tail off.

As a matter of fact,
You've actually had some traumatic events
happen to you.

Yeah I did,
what about when I was a baby and that guy who lives here locked me in the refrigerator? Good thing you guys were watching TV and heard me crying and started looking around for me and finally found me freezing my whiskers off in the fridge.
Or how about the TWO TIMES he locked me out of the apartment in the hallway?
And how about now when he locks me in the closet?

No wonder you bite him.

Yeah. Jerk.

Let's see, what else...
Binx loves Rowan!
And Rowan loves Binx!
They're best friends.
Mooka and Binx get along mostly.
But when she's mad,
she actually looks for Mooka to take it out on.
In reality, Binx is all talk.
Except when she gets cat-nip muscles.
Then everybody look out!
If cat-nip was beer in a can,
Binx would be a "Toucan Sam."
She's a lightweight and gets nipped real easy.
One whiff and she's flagged.

And being the Princess that she is,
she "rings a bell" when she wants service.
Which basically translates into,
she bangs the closet door
to let us know she wants to eat.
We hear it and say,
"Binx is ringing her bell."

She's also kinda destructive.
She loves to tear papers up.
And she's terrified of the vacuum,
anything metal clanking together,
and sometimes rainstorms.

Did I leave anything out?

Yeah,
"and even though she's sometimes a pest,
we still love her and would never trade her for any other cat in the whole entire universe"

That's true!
Happy 7th Birthday Biny our "Tiny Dancer"

The bliss of washing a dish

2011-04-26T12:00:00.010-04:00

This is a moment in time
captured by
and held in
our sometimes friend, Technology.
It is only part of the story.

Here is the rest.
the mystical sounding music playing,
the fresh breeze of an approaching storm,
the sun shining,
the curtains dancing,
the green of spring life,
the bird's twittering without having to use a computer.
and I, in the midst of it all,
Experiencing.

That's when I re-realized......
i can never explain to you the wind upon my flesh
- how wonderful it feels
- the place it brings me to

It Is thee bliss
which Is All My Own.
and That Is Precious'ness at Its finest.
It Is thee rarest of thee rare.

This life is my personal nirvana,
where the wind whistling,
it's blowing so hard,
is a cupcake for the soul.

Yet it feels so warm and inviting.
No longer the bite of winter in its teeth.
What is it inviting me to?
Why Thee Party that Is my journey of course.

I feel I could absolutely DIE from the elation of It All.
So I hang onto every tiny morsel being fed me,
while leaves of the past rustle by.
They have not the strength to remain.
I DO.
I stand in it.

And again understand how awe-filled it is that
no matter how hard i try,
i can never,
never,
explain to you how serene this now is to me.

No rat race,
just texture and lace.
No working scheme,
a living dream.

And honestly,
i don't have to wreck myself trying to explain it.
Because truly,
it belongs to only me.

It's mine.
It's for me.
No one else can increase or decrease Its value
- only i can do that.

No person,
no magazine,
no tv show,
validates Me!
Or invalidates Me for that matter.
I matter because I matter to me.

I made a dvd of my videos.
It was so much fun
and I loved it so much,
it made me squeal.

Does it matter that only a few people will ever see it?
No.
How come?
Because I saw it.
I already received the pleasure.
I don't require any more than that.
I used to.
I was very unhappy then.

So now, I remind me of this often:

Do not let the out~side validate, dictate, or choose the in~side.
Always remember....
it's the other way around!

Make art because it makes you.

~magick~
Meliss

In Thee House of Thee Ancestors

2011-04-12T12:53:00.014-04:00

In Thee House of Thee Ancestors,
She stepped ever so lightly,

for She knew not to disturb the dust which had settled upon the past,
for ghosts are easily awakened,
even in the light of day.

Standing under the candles,
She spoke the spell

Gathered walls,
hold my name
sacred on your lips.

Let us discover
the divine in our make-up.

Let us travel together,
us in each other.

Let us establish substance in our hearts.

Let us give birth to a journey gifted with the highest good.

Let us bear fruit so sweet
that solace itself will desire only us

And let us know that faith and focus can create any story we want.

So grow clear topmost thought,
so that deeds can see what was done,

& reason can draw up experience
& then laugh at the eager mind polishing Its pictures,

while a Great,
many times over,
Grandmother Moon
hangs dustily upon the wall
awaiting your never arrived touch.

~Ma-ghick~
Meliss

ps: my musical muse today "Undun" by (the) Guess Who (that's who)

Thee Heights, and subsequent Heist, of Bliss

2011-04-08T10:20:00.003-04:00

On Thee Beach of Bliss's Fullness,
She looked to Thee Above
and Knew...
just knew.

Castle on Her shoulder,
Her lips pursed in anticipation,
forever frozen in Thee Waiting,
in Thee Sweetness that IS Waiting.

What is it that You imagine She's about to say?

Hello, to You, who read my words,
who see my sights.
You help make my life important,
and worthy,
but even without You,
I'd still be here.

Here,
in Thee Bliss of Stripey Goodness.

Here in this Dawning of Delight,
where i bathe in waffles and laughter,
thinking it will last as long as I let it.

& in this Spring of Ecstasy,
i am pleased more and more by Thee Simplest of Bird Songs,
& Thee Lifting of Limbs.

How can that be after all the acanthus I encountered behind the scenes?
I don't know.
I really don't know.
But I Smile at it.
I MaRVeL at It.

I am more joy~full,
more at ease in me than ever,
ever before.
& I ADoRE It.

& although I vowed,
only a few days ago,
to NEVER,
EVER
return back there
no matter the cost.
I find myself slipping backward for no apparent reason,
other than,
my usual pat answer,
"That's how it goes."
This is where the Heist comes in.

But I'm still Here,
with papered butterflies
sitting
waiting
frozen into forever
on papered dresses.

& inside this box,
the depths of my bliss~filled being curl up
& dream their everlasting dreams.

For I've decided for all time,
even if i never accomplish anything that Society deems "important",
I am happy here with my waffle moments.
cause waffle moments are GooD.
& GooD is all there really is.

You know,
I think...
perhaps...
she longs to passionately exclaim this,
"Pursue the complete happiness of the day...
& WHeN you catch it,
claim it...
because you deserve it!"

What do you think about that?

~Make magick & Forget tragick~
Melissa

Being Dr. Seuss is fun

2011-04-05T11:28:00.002-04:00

I peered through the window
& what did I see?

Me making She
& She making Me.

Was there glee?

Or a feeling to flee?

Perhaps a pot of tea?
With honey from the bee?
But not from my knee.

No, no.
Only We.
Just Me
& She.

Nothing bad could be,

When it's simply we.

For we're holding the key,
to set ourselves free,
& sail on the sea,
or maybe live in a tree....

Well, whichever it be, sea or tree,
it's We.
She
&
Me
&
Me
&
She.

~are you making magick or too busy being tragick?~
Meliss

Let me tell you a little birthday Dittle

2011-04-01T10:58:00.012-04:00

What?

Rowan today it's your Birthday!

Yum, that means I get Fancy Feast!

Yeah, but first let me tell you a dittle.

Mom, what's a dittle?

It's a little story all about you.

YAY for Rowan!

It goes like this,
When Rowan was a baby,
he came to live with us.

And he got to sleep wherever he wanted,

Yeah, except when you used to try to stop me
from sleeping on the back of the couch
by putting tape on it until you gave up.

Uh-huh...

and he got to watch tv,

Hey, can we watch the squirrel show today?

Yeah, later, Rowan...

and he got to watch the birdies
out the window,

Ooo, can we watch the bird show too?

Yeah, Rowan, later, I'm telling the story....

and even though sometimes
we dress him up like Nana Rowan,

I hate it when Nana Rowan comes to visit.

he still loves us!

Yeah, I guess I do.

Mom, can we have treats?

And milk?

And catnip?

And grass?

My belly's hungry.

Happy 11th Birthday Rowan "The Dittle King" Ambrose

A Papered Post

2011-03-24T21:43:00.018-04:00

in the valley of my paper dream

i drifted down a paper stream

& found inside the fold's embrace

reflections of her papered face

the press of paper inside of my palm

pale and pastel, a sensing of calm

perfect paper petticoats, all in a row

pave the path for a papery kind of bow

then printed on my paper heart

are promises to never part

so for dinner i'll concoct my artist's brew

of magick and mayhem and peppered paper stew

for pasted paper skirts with my prints on the edge

have me ceasing from sailing and dropping my kedge

~have a papery kind of weekend~
Meliss

Alis Volat Propris

2011-03-22T12:41:00.006-04:00

"She flies with her own wings"
of ghost and gossamer

ever here
then ever there

reflecting The Light of The Source

open to holding it fully
and completely
with no space left for junk

and only time for dancing across the sky,

floating through the garden at night,

and seeing through moonbeam eyes

the meantime of modesty's metaphor.

That's when she speaks
"I call out to you,
Step to the out~side

and into Our Light

and find that you can believe in magick again...
OH silly girl, not the magick of the world,
the magick of YOU!
For that is the only real magick that exists.

Everything else is just smoke and mirrors."

~make a magickal day for yourself~
Melissa

Earth Task: aka, Your mission, should you choose to accept it

2011-03-18T17:20:00.013-04:00

~make magick~
Meliss

Titled, "something of 'This' sort"

2011-03-15T09:23:00.008-04:00

I am so many layers of altered goodness,

of crackled color,

that I have fallen deeply into the certain'ness of Agape.

Oh but, not just love, no no,

LOVE FEAST.....

a love feast of Me.

My fake face peeling off,

revealing the true'ness of Me,

wonder~full,

magickal

Me.

& then I get so sick of concerning myself with what Jealousy will think.

SO I WON'T.

I'll concern myself with the niche of now

because I have no idea what I want to do later.

I only know that right now.....

I want to
make art
and
write poetry

and BE at Home.

Which means I need to

STOP

letting myself

get infected

with

other

people's

dreams!!!!

So much so that I believe they are my dreams!
THEY'RE NOT!
No matter how "fancy" they seem....
they are not what I want to spend my life doing.

The fact is that I am already in my dream.

I just forget to remind myself of that.

The moon told me so.

By the way, it also said to remember that I'll forget all this again
And be writing another post about it
because apparently, that's how life goes.

~magick~
Melissa