In my world, Christmas happened last Monday. After many years, today is 'just' The Hubby's birthday. First year
since he was born that it got celebrated without getting covered up by
something else.
“It’s amazing the things that God does for us and we don’t even
notice that He’s doing them. We’re so busy trying to get our wish list
done that we don’t notice the little simple things that God does for us
every day. Little simple things like: waking you up in the morning.
And little simple things like keeping that raggedey car you got
running. I know it doesn’t sound big and impressive or anything like
that, but how God blessed that old raggedey washing machine that keep on
going and you can’t even figure out how come it’s still going and yet
some kind of way God does it just because he loves you. But because
we’re so worried about big stuff sometimes we don’t see little things."
and one old gift tag:
the page:
“The sign of God’s favor in your life is not always manifest in the big things that He does, but rather in the little insignificant things that you would not even notice that He did.”
It's the first year our Christmas tree fit perfectly into the stand on the first try. It was the first tree we saw when we got out of the car. Every other year it was so frustrating.....but not this year.....
Don't be too busy trying to get to the mall to buy all those fancy gifts that you don't even really think about how that big, huge SUV STOPPED and did not drive all the way through the red light that it was about to blow and SMASH right into your tiny Prius and kill you and your husband. Personally, I've lost count on the amount of times I could have lost my life. And that's just the ones I know about.
God, thank you for the beating of my precious heart.
inspiration:
just having fun and seeing who shows up on the page
I can't say I'm surprised
“This is why the bible says - despise not the day of small beginnings - because God will do everything great in your life through seed. To keep carnal people from getting it, he’ll hide the orchard in the seed. If he showed the orchard, everybody would snatch it. So, He’ll hide it in a seed, to make sure your motives are right and He’ll give it to you in a small form and say, “If you be faithful over a few things, I’m gonna make you ruler.” Bishop T.D. Jakes
I woke up early this morning
and started dreaming about today's page...
the inspiration:
the page:
(it's a shame that the camera can't pick up all the glitter and Golden Fluid Acrylics Interference, Violet and Blue, in the snow)
“You will have a hoe and a rake pulling back everything that threatens the survival of the possibility that has been planted in your life. You prefer what God planted more than what you could do by yourself and you say, “Anything that threatens the welfare of this seed has got to go. If you mess with my destiny, you’ve got to go!” Bishop T. D. Jakes
my blessed birth month. :)
I share self-portraits I took on my last Friday as a 39 year old.
For You;
“We are the hero-s of our own life stories.” Joseph Campbell
I see that in life too.
There are many people I'd like to save,
but unfortunately people can only save their own selves.
I've had to save my self.
and found I was the only one who could.
Others helped,
but most of it was up to me.
“The first step in the Hero’s Journey is what he describes as the call to adventure. Somewhere inside all of us there is a longing for something more, a knowing that your soul’s path is calling out to you and once you recognize that feeling and heed that call, your life, which is your adventure, truly begins.” Joseph Campbell
I left the convent many years ago.
As a nun?
No! God, no......as a secretary to the Finance Department. Which was bad enough. But where I met my husband. I was his secretary. :) but i wasn't the other woman.
anyways,
what sealed my leaving was a quote from a Coelho book - Veronika decides to die
I don't recall the exact words, but something about.....
"there are people out there waiting for me, and i don't know them and they don't know me, but I feel I can be of use. And the danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort."
Back then
I didn't realize the people I was going to meet were all the past me's
who were so sad in their life.
I thought I'd have this group of friends,
who would be my family.
instead, they were all past me's
and I've let them tell me their stories
because it was important for them to.
for them
and for me.
I don't feel bad for them Any More
because they live here with me now,
in this Garden of Eden.
What's to feel bad about?
I followed the advice I received from Bishop T.D. Jakes this morning.
“When you acknowledge your critics, you give them your power. They are not important until you respond. Learn what you can from them. Eat the meat, throw away the bones. But God didn’t send you here to argue with critics. He sent you here to get something done with your life. Let her have that problem by herself. Pray for her. Ask God to help him, but go after what he promised you.”
so I changed my mind and didn't mention what 'my critic' said to me because that would be mentioning them.
but didn't you just mention them?
yeah, but to celebrate the victory of learning something,
it's worth it.
Besides, This is me 'going after it.'
Oprah said, “Even if I fail, I still have to go because if I stay here, I’m going to be smothered. Which is exactly what he (Joseph Campbell) says in The Hero’s Journey, if you don’t accept the yearning, then you end up dying inside.”
I've never been much for goals,
but one thing I never wanted to do was
To
Die
Inside.
and back then,
back there,
I was.
But I did my best while I was there
and I tried to follow what i thought was my heart,
but for awhile,
it turned out I was just following my own stupidity.
Ha.
that makes me laugh.
but it's SO freaking true!
Makes me sad to think of people who are dead inside.
Some people think they are dead inside.
Here's how you know:
If you're still feeling pain,
you're not dead inside.
Yet!
But if you care about any-one or any-thing,
you'd better heed the warning that pain is bringing you
and stop blaming whoever is responsible and just change your life.
You'll have plenty of time to be mad at them later.
believe me. :)
Jean Houston said, “She arrives in Oz and everything in technicolor and the little people recognize her and then she is sent on the road of spiritual power. And who did she meet? She met the dis-empowered parts of herself: The dis-empowered mind - the scarecrow, the dis-empowered heart and feeling - the tin man, The dis-empowered courage - the cowardly lion.”
Yep......those are the parts of My Self I met.
because those are All the parts of ourselves that we All meet on a spiritual journey.
I knew this was A Heroine's Journey many, many years ago.
But you always think you know yourself,
and it always turns out that you don't.
You think you're operating at full capacity
with your flux-capacitor fluxing,
and you're just not.
Mostly because the thing is jammed up with layers of emotional and mental trauma.....
all the things that make us 'dis-empowered.'
Bishop T.D. Jakes also said, "You need the kind of prayer that sets the room on fire.”
i like that.
a spiritual fire.....not a real one, thank you.
("I don't want a zombie turkey. I don't want to turn into a turkey myself....." Homer Simpson)
“To have a deep appreciation of the life that One is given and the life of Others and then to act accordingly in the depths of that appreciation." Jean Houston
That's what makes me apologize to bugs when I have to kill them.
One of my gifts in life is my youthful appearance.
When I was 18 people always asked me if I was 12.
I hated it,
but they said, "You're gonna love it when you're older."
Guess that time is now.
I may look 20 Something,
but let me tell you Something,
this body has 40 years of wisdom in it,
and I’m not as easily fooled as I used to be.
“Throughout my life and my opportunities that I have seen to interact with exceptional people who’ve done exceptional things, their exceptionalism is often incubated in the womb of adversity. That great leaders come from bad times. People who have the passion that is necessary to be expended to have great accomplishment that that passion is often birthed in a process of pain. That God brings greatness out of weakness. That He brings strength out of tribulation and adversity. That the more we are afflicted some kind of way, the more we grow.” Bishop T. D. Jakes
I think our society wants to act like it knows that, but that's when we're talking about the suffering of others......when it comes to our own suffering for greatness......we want instant success.
I've heard this said many places in regards to very famous people and less famous, yet successful people who seemed to 'make it over-night':
They've put in countless hours that we never saw before we saw them.
How could we have? We'd never heard of them before most everyone else had. So, to us, they seem to be 'over-night successes' when really what they are is:
Receiving the return on all the hard work they put into whatever their field is.
I want You to know that You can be happy.
You can live a life that you love.
Perhaps the kind of life where you can sit on the floor of your art studio, typing encouragement to unknown others, while it snows outside your cottage window with music from Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone making the entire scene seem like a wondrous fantasy.
Shoot,
if I made it to happiness.....
You can make it too.
Your happiness is Yours and is suited to your tastes, whatever they be.
I love cats,
always have,
so how fitting is it that I have some of them snuggled up on a snowy day?
It’s not meant for everyone,
it’s meant for me.
I'm glad it's meant for me,
because I find the value in it.
Bishop T.D. Jakes said, “I challenge you to be able to see that just because something
isn’t working right doesn’t mean that everything isn’t working right.
In fact, I want to give you some instruction to start thanking God for
what IS working while you’re waiting on Him to fix what isn’t working.
If you can thank Him for what you’ve got rather than worry about what
you lack, you’d be surprised how God will move.”
it's true. it's so true.
Man, if I listened to every voice in my head that told me something negative about me and/or my work.
I wouldn't be here right now saying this.
and I wouldn't have bothered to mark the last Friday of my 30's.
I would not have been able to see the value in it.
But instead,
I DO see the value in it
and now,
It's a gift I gave myself.
and even more so,
one I shared with You.
“The privledge of a lifetime is being Who You Are.” Joseph Campbell
I marked the end of my 20's by getting a tattoo.
I marked this one with Art,
my own art.....
not someone else's.
What do you think that means?
I think it means:
I am becoming more and more ME.
My wish for you is to become more Your-self.
You'll be so much more happier doing that than being whoever you're pretending to be.
that is,
unless pretending is part of the fun.....
and, in that case, I wanna be Kristie McNichol in The Pirate Movie.
The age, not the degree. How fantastic is it when you can open every window in the house in November and not feel cold because it's so wonderfully warm out? Life is lovely.
"Who are you?" Oprah asks.
Deepak Chopra answers, "Well, I've thought about it all my life and I've realized that I'm a spark of the Divine and so is everyone else. That we limit ourselves by defining ourselves. That if we go beyond the labels and definitions, all that's left is infinite possibility, infinite creativity, infinite intelligence. And we are that 'til we squeeze ourselves into an identity which is the volume of body in the span of a lifetime. We are way beyond that."
I love how he says, "All that's left is INFINITE Possibility, INFINITE Creativity, INFINITE Intelligence." Yeah, that's all.....no big deal or nothing. :)
I hope today you feel that Divine spark that is You.
Welcome kiddies to Halloween 2012 in my world.
Whilst Hurricane Approacheth (that spells Whaaaaa?)
anyways, Thanks to the lovely Miss V.V. for providing me another opportunity to tell you a tale.
Cuddle up,
It's story time.
"Under an indigo sky
you may search for I
but you'll never see me
unless I look for thee"
I found these words barely visible on a headstone in the old cemetery.
I pondered what they meant
finally determining it was some type of riddle
of which
i had not a clue how to answer.
Confound it, I didn’t have my camera with me.
Note to self,
always have camera with you.
I turned around to leave
and attempted to stifle my fright
when I found an old woman behind me
very hunched over,
a walking stick as knobbly as her hands,
who sounded a lot like Yoda -
“Want to know what it means, you do.”
I said, “Sure. What does it mean,” with the expectation of knowing the answer.
She said, “No clue honey,” and laughed as she straightened up
gaining 3 inches, lost 70 years, and sauntered away.
Weird.
but in her stead
a business card
which read
The Curious Commodities of Mistress Marjoram
"How curious"
upon flipping the card over
I read the following directions
At sunset
through the old abandoned cemetery
enter the haunted forest
there you will find my cottage
there will you find my door,
knock thrice
(which will only make Horace more grumpy than he is, but he's the door knocker so I don't know what he wants me to do about it)
and i will know i'tis you.
so, that very night,
I did.
"Ah, yes, it's you deary."
She seemed that old woman again
but at any moment I anticipated a change.
"Perhaps your travels have parched you?"
parched me,
is this woman for real?
"Well of course I'm real."
My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open
"You can read minds?"
"No, I can read the internet. I've already read this story. Know how it ends."
She winked. "Do you want a drink or not?"
"Okay, what do you have?"
She approached a small square table where many bottles and two glasses rested.
one of those glasses looked dirty. I hope she doesn't try to give me that one. oh snap, she can read minds.
but she appeared not to notice as she leaned over, using that same knobbly stick to keep her balance.
"I've got.....Elixir of Pixie. Elixir of Indigo Nights. Uh, Tree of Life Elixir. or what I recommend is the Straight up Moonshine."
"Uh..." I stammered, my eyes only watching the dirty glass, willing it further away from me.
She spoke the word, "Moonshine," knowingly
to which I quickly agreed, "Yeah, yeah, I'll take a Moonshine."
and to my delight,
she pointed her crooked finger and spun it around until a mug appeared out of thin air,
and floating right in it
"Welcome to my cottage full of curious commodities."
"Giant Diamonds....."
"Enchanted tree bark......"
"The Egg Sac of a Praying Mantis....."
"baskets full of concoctions and the ears of creatures I'd have to explain to you for you to understand....."
"Dragon scabs and scales,"
"Oh, and Boogie Man Scabs.
Hey, whatever it takes to get the job done.
Now what can I do you for?"
But instead of allowing me to speak,
she continued,
"Please excuse the state of my 'lil ole shop,
it used to be the studio of an artist.
"She died.
She created herself to death!!!"
(insert lightning crash and super creepy old witch's laugh here)
::COUGH cough, HACK hack:: repeat
after 5 minutes,
the old broad finally gets her lungs back
and continues.
"No, she retired. Lives on an island somewhere and swims her butt off, I heard.
and since I moved in here,
I just haven't had time to get it all fixed the way I'd like it,
but I will." She says this more to herself than to me.
"You are a unique person,
very precious and rare indeed!
I can see it in your eyes.
You seek even more curious items.
"I have just the thing somewhere around here."
She pauses, her eyes sweeping around the room.
"Ah, yes, yes,
this,
a singing faerie cage for when the electricity goes out?
Very useful for Hurricane preparedness."
I wrinkle up my face,
peering inside the empty cage,
looking for the Faerie,
perhaps the poor gal is tuckered out and asleep in the bottom of the cage, I wonder.
Mistress Marjoram perceives my disinterest and switches gears.
"I haven't yet caught one myself, but perhaps one day.
The hard part is catching them.
But the good part is the dumb ones are the best singers, eh? Am I right?"
She chuckled and elbowed my ribs, as if I should know.
I only smiled at her and tried to nod knowingly.
"Cur-sed jewelry?
I can fix it so whoever wears the item gains 100 pounds?
No?
Moving on....."
She sensed my interest fading.
"Please don't leave,
and regret lost opportunities later,
I have many items,
there are many items here,
waiting to solve all your problems
and make your life exactly what you want it to be."
"A life like I want it to be," I spoke dreamily aloud.
"Yes dear, perhaps by dealing with those you dislike."
"Perhaps these cur-sed tea cups for a frienemy?"
"or purchase with the cur-sed spoon for a double whammy."
"Maybe it is youth or beauty in a bottle you seek? Magickal Sea Water and The Flesh of a Mermaid are useful in these areas.
Or maybe something to make your man more connected to his emotions? The Flesh of a Merman contains all the emotional tides of the sea you could ever desire."
"Per chance you seek a spell?"
"I am very skilled in the arts and crafts of witchery."
"I have many racks filled with ingredients,
with many varied uses."
"The Pelt of a Black Goat will grow spiritual hair on your chest literally over night."
"Hair on your chest?" I ask, sort of disgusted.
"Spiritually speaking my dear!
Courage my fair gal,
courage."
"Ohhhh."
Yeah, I thought to myself, there's no way I'm willing to chance growing hair on my chest.
I'll stay a scaredy cat,
Thank you.
"I'll make you famous,
using Essential Oil of Moon-glow of course,
not by killing you."
"Perhaps you seek a spell best not spoke of without careful consideration......
revenge has a way of taking revenge on those who disturb its nap....
and it's always napping."
"Allow me to introduce,
my ex-lover."
"and his cheating heart.
'nough said,
you get my point.....
Men, can't live without them,
or at least their heart."
She smiled all the while,
saying this,
which kinda freaked me out.
'cause she just looked so sweet.
"It may be you seek council with the mysterious woman in the globe."
"How much could a chick whose head is in a globe on your hearth know?" I asked.
"You'd be surprised," she replied, "Why not give it a try? Nothing to lose."
"Except my money?"
"Me thinks you Should try that Pelt of a Black Goat," she muttered.
"What?" I questioned, yet sort of knowing what she had said.
"Nothing dear, just the mumblings of an old woman. Will you try the globe?"
"Yes, alright, how much?"
"Oh, donations, I only accept donations, Love." She again produced her finger which easily produced an offering bowl.
I produced coins and placed them in the receptacle provided."
What she told me,
I can not reveal,
but suffice it to say,
I received my moneys worth.
It was then that I finally felt I found my chance
to tell her why I was really there,
"It is a love potion that I seek Mistress."
A smile curled onto her face,
"Love potion, is it?"
"Come," she spoke softly now, as she took my arm and pulled me.
"warm yourself by my fireplace,
while I tell you the tale. Then we'll see,
THEN we'll see about your love potion deary."
She sat me abruptly upon a chair that wasn't there before now
and she then sat upon another which appeared even closer to the fire.
She settled her old bones and began,
"She,
soft,
smiling
sweet."
"He,
upstanding,
knowledgeable,
handsome."
"She,
while seeking a way into his heart,
sought and found me
and purchased,
this."
Her hand emerged from her cloak,
raised,
uncurled the index finger,
and pointed,
then turned as if beckoning that which she had already pointed.
Next to me, a bottle clinked against others while it raised from a table.
I read the label.
"I warned her, 'Be careful with fame girl,
it has a way of having you instead of you having it.'
Like many young folk,
she only nodded and smiled my advice away,
thinking she knew better."
"A sudden concern for her came upon me,
"Dear, I think maybe we should think about some essence of sea nymph for your hair, instead. Pretty hair can do wonders.'
But insistent was she,
he could love no other,
she couldn't bear it,
and the fame was just a bonus, she said, "As the label clearly says. Besides lady, did you not say and I quoth, "to solve all your problems and make your life exactly what you want it to be" isn't that what you said to me? And being with him will solve my problems and famous is how I want my life to be."
She had me, so I gave in.
With one further word: Be Warned. Only the lips they are meant for should touch this potion. Otherwise,
the results could be disastrous."
"Unfortunately this fair maiden did not heed my words
and was not careful with the potion
for it mistakenly came into contact with the lips of her step father's brother."
"He became obsessed with her
and filled with a jealous rage.
He strangled her to death
while she waited at the edge of the woods for her love to arrive."
"What she hadn't known was that she didn't need the love potion,
he already loved her.
Her body was placed on a hill,
overlooking the place they were to meet.
And many years later,
when he died,
he was laid to rest right beside her."
"But she has become famous,
many people report seeing a girl in white
at the edge of the forest
from the window of the house
she used to live in."
"They say, 'Walking into the woods with a ball of white light.'
Most believe it is the spirit of her love,
come back to help her cross over."
"They say she watches over the young and in love
in these parts."
"So that their dreams of love do not become shattered,
as hers were."
"I caution you against the use of these tricks of the mind,
potions cannot truly change someone's heart
if someone's heart is unchanged to begin with.
Personally,
I am under the belief that all girls should have the keys to their own hearts.
But then again,
I never was lucky in love."
Just then,
the clock struck 3.
"3? 3?" She rubbed her eyes and peered at the clock anew.
"It's still 3," I stated, also confused at how quickly time has passed.
"Dear, it's late
and if you want to know the truth,
nothing in here can solve all your problems
and I can't make your life exactly what you want it to be,
only you can do that."
She seemed to forget her sales tactics only momentarily before regaining her shrewd business sense.
"Well, some Essence of Angel can't hurt......never bad to have Essence of Angel on when going out on a dark night.
And don't forget, Warthog hair, terribly useful for......
well that stuff can.....
it can......"
As she had another bought with honesty,
she said,
"give you a really terrible rash."
She looked down at her arm and then rubbed it through her layers while looking up and shaking her head, as if she was remembering when it had happened to her.
I thought, the old bat is endearing darn it!
and I wanted to buy something from her,
I just didn't know what......
It was such a curious place
and Mistress Marjoram certainly was a curious old soul.
I wondered.....
"What item do you think is most curious Mam?"
She thought for a moment,
and finally replied,
"The most curious item is the one even I don't know or understand.
The strange door with no door knob on the wall.
Sometimes I sit and wait for it to open
and to reveal its secrets."
Her voice then became a whisper as she leaned in close,
"It must open from the 'other side'.
Maybe the next time you visit,
you'll pay me to hear the tale?"
"Yes," I decided, now that was a good deal.
"Well, good night then deary," she spoke as she urged me toward the door,
"and be careful when you leave," she warned as I now stood outside the doorway,
"There's a ghost outside on the front lawn."
And she promptly shut me out.
** I hope something that makes you believe in 'magick' in a whole new way
happens to you today.**
~Happy Halloweenie Everyone!~
Meliss
ps: Thanks again V! Check out my haunting video "The Tempestuous Creation of Midnight."
