When life gives you lemons, call a friend, then write poetry

or just come back to this post

The abundant blessing of a wise and loving friend

In the moments of my life
there are instances of driveway nonsense
& attempts at thievery
& down right evil
& nothing and no one to stop it from happening
these are challenges
of my strength
my determination
my hope
my faith
my trust
my love
& just when I feel like I'm gonna
cave in
backslide
back peddle
return to what I left with absolute determination
She says this
"Surely a driveway won't defeat you.
Really?
A driveway.
A driveway?"
I smile and say
"You're good at this.
Really good.
Really.
Good."

The unnoticed battle of turtle hatchings

The moon rose & the sun set an undetermined amount of times since
the walking
the seeking
the searching
the circles
the slow digging of back feet
the laying of potential
& the covering of it up
dryness ensued
unsure'ness prevailed
the sun pounded the hill
we spoke of it randomly
questioning
wondering if
when
then,
forgot
until he saw the open hole

peering inside

we found potential had hatched
emerged
now free of all that contained it
held it back
covered it up
helped it to grow
shell
earth
hole
none of them victorious
as potential celebrated quietly without announcing its self
then it crept off into the woods to live its turtle life.

PLEASE don't allow being almost unnoticeable

or being smaller than a finger when you start out

or being buried in a dry, hot, and weed filled hill
and
having to dig your way out with your tiny, tiny arms
and
having to live
hidden under leaves
until you are bigger
and
stronger

make you forget

that you have wings made of hearts on your back baby!!
and they will take you every where you want to go!!
you just gotta flap 'em and flap 'em and flap 'em some more!!

and don't let that stuff make you forget

that magick exists!!
it's very rare to see a turtle smaller than 3.5 inches!!
but my family did!!

so don't let that "driveway" defeat you!!
You are so much better than that.

Be still in the magick of Monday

July 28, 2008

I write this during a lonely time in my life. I think most of my life has always felt lonely to me...some times are more excruciating than others. Currently, I have one person I can count as a friend and one husband I can also say is my friend. That's it. Now - it is less than what some people have, at the same time, it is also more than what others have. I am choosing to see it as what is. It is. It is what I 'have'. There are times when it is enough. There are times when it is not. Mostly I feel it isn't enough for me, but I accept this feeling and know I cannot waste my time, life, energy, or what I do have on what I don't. I've been placed here, in this situation - trapped between an intense desire for a clan of wildly wonderful women and the lack of it - for a reason. Perhaps I am to learn self-reliance or maybe The Universe just finds it funny to watch my struggle with this. Whatever - I'm here, I'm still breathing - so, I'll keep going without my pack, hoping one day to find them; but knowing even if I don't, I can still howl. And howl I will.

I wrote that 2 years ago, but the sentiment had been inside for many years before. I feel like this time in my life is a doorway to greatness. I have been traveling toward this moment of NOW consciously for years, making choices and decisions in order to arrive in this Here. I've left places, people, situations that were unhealthy for me - I've done what I felt was asked of me to do even though it was scary. During the journey, this was my rock.

"There are people waiting for me out there, although they don't yet know me & I don't know them, but I am sure I can be useful & the danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort." Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coehl

I had hope that they were out there, some~where and that by the hand of Our Great Source, I would find them. I would keep trying until I did. My one friend said, "They're not out there. I looked - I didn't find any." I would always say, "You found me. We found each other. If there's you and me....there are others. They're just hard to find because they're sitting at home like us saying, "I know they're out there, I just don't know where!"

There were times of trying and feeling disappointed. There were times of feeling overwhelmingly sad about it. There were times of being so very very pissed off about it and just plain old sick of wanting something I didn't have and/or wasn't getting. Then there was finally a time of "Ya know what....it's not here and I'm moving on. I'm gonna do my thing. Find the positive in the situation. Hmmmm, not having anyone around means I have more time to make art and hang out with me!" I spent more time in the accepting of the NOW, than I did in the other junk. My time was better spent. I felt better. It opened a door.

I just want you to know: If what I experienced is something you dream of - KEEP THE FAITH, IT CAN HAPPEN - I KNOW BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TO ME.

Read what my drum-a-lishous sistas said.

Angelique

Katherine

Our Beauty~full Gypsy Leader who isn't above us, she just happens to know more about drumming and dancing - I admire my new sista's transparency. If she hadn't willingly shared her inside conversation before we began, I would have thought she was completely confident. We need to realize that the people we admire feel the same things we do, they go through the same battles, it may look different, but boiled down, it's the same. They don't get a pass on dealing with the critical voice, self-doubt, fear, embarrassment, or 'the what's the point jerk."

You are not alone in feeling these feelings. The difference is this: THEY DON'T ALLOW THOSE FEELINGS TO STOP THEM - They teach even though they're shy or nervous. They share even though they hear the voice of self-doubt telling them to be quiet. They paint even though they are afraid to be judged. They drum even if they're not a professional drum player. They dance even if they have no idea what they're doing. And if they're truly wise, they share all that with the rest of us so we know - We are not alone and feelings shouldn't determine our success.

Our beautiful Gypsy Leader is the one who reminded us that INTENTION IS BLOCKED BY INHIBITION. Let us not allow inhibition to keep us from our intentions! Let us break free of the chains in our own minds and fly higher than we ever have before.

Make yourself a magick-full day!

An August Night's Dream, in Reality

Under the peach tree
women gathered
an ancient act to perform
a connection to be made

the circle formed slowly
but filled its~self up with us
the beat of the drum began
it called us to turn in~ward
it called us to our sacred selves

doom-da-doom-doom
raised the vibrations
doom-da-doom-doom
sent them out & out

I sat there ingesting
then scribbling
women & drums
drums & women
I felt transported to another place in time
where our Sisters of the past danced in our circle
for our circle & their circle are one & the same
for the reality is that time is a concept in our minds
for there is only ever one infinite moment of right now
where our Sisters of the past danced to our beat
for our beat & their beat are one & the same
for it follows the breath of The Universe
for that is The Great Spiritual Tie that binds us all to one another
just as all our bits of fruit became one glorious & varied feast
We are that glorious and varied feast incarnate
We did not represent the fruit, the fruit represented Us
Our sweetness
Our sour
Our soft pliable insides
Our tougher to get through skins
Our seeds for the continuance of Life
We are the life The Great One gave to Life itself
We are WOMEN
Power~full
yet still unsure, still unaware of our amazing selves
She reminded us: Intention is blocked by Inhibition
I tried to allow my skin to drop down
But when the dance began
I was much too mesmerized to move
watching them
seeing it through ancient eyes
brought me to an experience I'd always wanted to have
Their arms raised in the dance
their bodies, like our egos, bumped into one another
laughter was the result
not anger
not pain
only the sounds of women having fun rose into the heavens that night.

(quote by Ariana)

What I've been doing lately

arting
arting
arting
healing
healing
healing
listening
hearing
sharing
learning
growing
expanding
retracting
bringing peace to my body
listening to drums
drumming in my mind
dancing in front of women I just met
spending more time being my wise woman self
spending less time being my foolish woman self
remembering how tricky the voice in my mind can be
remembering that it doesn't always tell the truth
remembering my wiser self always always always tells the truth
changing the course of my life
opening new doors for myself
stepping through one
and finding myself in a gypsy clan dream

Ya know, sometimes I almost hate to paint them because I fall for their pencil drawn ways.



But then I do and something like this shows up.



I know this more today than ever before:

Creating art is a major part of my journey.

The Priestess of Stars

in the darkness
where all things are borne,
the planets traversed their pathways.

the moon lost sleep
as the sun rose
under their canopy of heaven.

then bodies of light
tickled my eyes
pouring their~selves out and in~to

it was then,
our inner knowing took hold.
we were twined together.

& finally,
with their infinite nature,
they carried me away.

The End.