Sometimes rough is better

Every so often, maybe more often than I'd like,
I wonder...
what am I doing all this for?
Not that I even contemplate stopping,
I just wonder what's the point?

All this art
all this blogging business
taking pictures
writing ideas down in journals...
what is the purpose again????

and then I get poetic:
I cry to the sky,
"Remind me why!"

Before I know it,
the replies find me vacuuming the rug.
They hide in the carpet,
and quickly,
before they get sucked up,
leap onto the vacuum and run up the length until reaching my hand.
At that point, I'm not sure if they just seep into my skin,
riding that inner highway to my brain,
or if they make the trip to one of my head holes and go in from there.
Please let them use my ears.
Man, if they go in my mouth, I really hope they washed themselves first.

The reasons begin to grip me.
They
Actually
Hold
Me.
I don't need to cling to them.

But if I did need to,
their rough surface would provide little niches for my rough places to attach to,
even in the most microscopic ways.
I never realized before right now how comforting rough can be,
when you need somewhere to fasten yourself to.

Oh, yeah,
you're probably wondering about the reasons...

My first reason is still me,
for I've found...
If I'm not IN it,
then I shouldn't be doing it.

The next reason is this -
I feel like all the work I do right now,
sends waves of positive energy back through time,
to the me of the past...
lonely,
unable,
hurt,
sad,
not cared for properly by others, hence by herself,
empty, empty, Empty.

Yet FULL,
obviously full of an unstoppable force,
which is why,
this journey has become Wondrous,
and I want her to know,
I want her to know that IT HAS BECOME WONDROUS!
And I want her to know where she is coming to,
going to,
arriving at,
creating.
I want her to know the HOME that I have become for her.
I want her to know, IT IS AMAZING!
And more bless-sed than she can imagine in her hard right now.
So Thee Me of Now says to the me of then.....
hang onto those rough places you're in girl,
for they are leading you into my strengthened arms.
Yeah.

But now I've arrived at the most compelling reason for me to continue.....
Thee Unknown One.
Thee One I don't know.
And maybe never will.
She's out there.
Living her life.
Needing something.
and perhaps I'm that something,
coming to her,
seeping into her being,
the way those reasons seeped into me,
helping to heal,
Soothe,
Transform,
Inspire.

And then some jerky inner voice just said to me,
"How dare you imagine that you could inspire someone!"
And I answer,
What an utterly stupid thought.
I've already inspired many,
many have told me so,
so why when I claim it is that a problem?
I know I've inspired some "popular" people,
even if they don't give me credit for it.
And I know if I can inspire the "popular",
as cool as they are,
I can inspire others.

I guess it really all just comes down to something that happened to me yesterday -

When a little girl walks past your art and actually gasps, "Oh my".......
it really just makes your heart sing.
I think not many little girls talk like that,
but she did.
And that's the last answer you need to the question "Why?"
Then you can move on
and get back to the heart of the art.

What if your entire lifetime was only about one encounter with someone else?
One moment in time,
when your life brushed against theirs,
altering what they believed their future to be about.
Is that enough?

~magick~
Meliss