Who's This Girl

She is:
ghostly.
some people said I'm dark.
that my art has a dark quality to it.
I get it.
I do like Halloween and scary stuff.
I am not offended.
I receive it as a compliment.
and then when I say all that to some other people,
they say, "Oh, I would NEVER want to be described as dark."
Huh.....
well, Good for you.
Better for me, now I can stay the unique soul I am.

She is:
In the middle,
bless-sed-ly balanced,
I reside mostly in the middle
where it's half-full & half-empty
because
that's where God resides.
God resides in the middle of us.
and I want to be wherever God is.
Does it make you uncomfortable to read me type God?
Why?
I think God IS - WHOEVER YOU WANT GOD TO BE.
I think God thinks that's Very Good.

She is:
feeling
shy
scared
unsure
stupid because I know I know what to do!
yet somehow i still don't.
How can that be?
can someone explain this phenomena to me?
I'm just not there yet.
or am i???
doesn't matter,
I'll just keep going regardless.

She is:
ALL HEART.
wanna know how?? I can prove it.
cause all she's heard about is how SENSITIVE she is.
SO, where does sensitivity live?
in the liver?
in the gall bladder???
the COLON??
NO, we know where we like to say sensitivity lives......
The HEART.
SOOOOOO, IF she's SOOOO SENSITIVE.....
that MUST MEAN.....
SHE's ALL HEART.

Ha! I make me happy.
:)
maybe I should have been a lawyer.

She is:
sometimes too concerned with what other people think
I write "I make me happy."
Then all i can feel is this uncomfortable feeling
then the audio for it plays,
"How dare She say, She makes herself HAPPY!!"
Have you ever heard someone say something like this about someone else?
I have.
it's ugly.
Then another, more recent recording played
"Is there something wrong with making our own selves happy?"
"Don't 'They' say that we are all responsible for making our own selves happy and we cannot and should not rely on anyone else to do so?"
see.....that's how it works......
They get you Coming AND GOING.
It's like taxes......
you gotta pay to earn money AND to spend it.
:)
let's not even go there

She is:
still moving toward whole'ness
since i found out
"Everything is moving toward wholeness." Rachel Naomi Remen
i can and have said, "People have destroyed parts of me with their careless behavior."
but I wonder,
is that truly true?
energy cannot be destroyed
only converted into another form.
How can I convert the destruction they slyly intended into Whole'ness?
"Simon" by Lifehouse

She is:
being Who She Is.
especially after she found out what that is through this conversation:
"You do your best BLOG - be yourself! That's the key.
But who is that?
The person who does everything I do - I have photos and journals to prove it."
My job is to live MY BEST DAY
to cut down the growth
to glean what's been reaped
and to share it
in case it:

interests
entertains
inspires
comforts
encourages
serves
or just makes someone go, "Hmmmmm....."

I do not always realize the value in that,
because I do not always realize the value in me,
because I was not taught to value me,
because others did not value me,
because they did not value themselves.
I still choose these kinds of people to be in relationship with,
because I still do not always realize the value in me.......
It's a "Sick Cycle Carousel" LifeHouse.
Shoot....been here before.

She is:
somehow still writing poems and having dreams about someone she thought she knew and loved
Twenty
Years
Ago
because I've found another layer of pain in her that needs to be healed:

in new thoughts of distant forests
all seemed glad past yearning
but then again,
they do run backwards
but never realize
& with her eyes certain spots know things
& there where they went cloven hoofs proved presents
& fresh-made nether mouthed vestiges quenched themselves upon the fresh meat of
Thee Maiden.
He blond
& promising
what he can never bring.
She believing.
So why not just dive back into the dream
where time was then
& he didn't really break my heart?
Because NOW is so much better.

and I know that I know that I know
I AM someone she never would have been without his betrayal to his own heart.
:)
He really lost out
cause I'm almost 40 and I still look amazing.
idiot.
:)

She is:
Woman Artist Who Blogs.
Not because I want to write a book.
I'm writing books constantly.....
see my retired journals section.....
those are books.
enter audio:
"I guess it depends on your definition of book."
Well, let's look it up Peanut Gallery!
I'm doing a lot of winning today, so I'm up for one more win.
...........
HA! told ya they were books. written words on paper bound. ::sticking out tongue::
idiot.
anyways,
I just want to blog.
I actually want to blog, so I'm going to.

She is:
Maker of Magick
who has determined again,
as I did in high school,
that,
I
want
a
Life
of
Quality.
but now I know one thing more that I want more of -
INTEGRITY
because I want to come from an unimpaired condition,
because I want to be undivided,
because I want to be WHOLE.
isn't it neat how it all circles back?

She is:
remembering to come back to the glow
to return to the flow.
dreamin'.
prayin'.
forgettin' that there's a difference.
Calling
Healing
IN
so that I can be accountable to me
for me.
because I finally, stupidly, just figured out
When I find out someone is undependable,
I STOP DEPENDING ON THEM.
Why I ever did anything different I just don't know.
I want to enact a new policy:
Stop Pursuing Pain.

She is:
A Woman of Fortunes.
A Force.
that means Cause of Change
Are you a Cause of Change?
You Are.
maybe you don't know it.
It means Active Power.
My Active Power is God.
What else is that Universal Spark?
You Know.
maybe you know it simply by another name.
Call it whatever you like
It does not care
JUST USE IT.
USE YOUR ACTIVE POWER.

She is:
Kira from Xanadu
Paulette from Grease 2 (and Stephanie)
Mabel from The Pirate Movie
Joan from Romancing the Stone
Kuki from I Dreamed of Africa
but, Ultimately -
Herself,
Thee Me of ME.

She Is:
A Magickal Meliss,
Thee One who creates all this.
She is regular old Melissa too,
Thee One who cleans the toilets.

:)

So, Who Are You?

~magick~
Meliss