YAY - it's February! That means "Heart Your Art" is here!
Let me begin with telling you how I came up with the idea:
On January 8, 2009, I was taking a nap and literally woke up with the words "Heart Your Art" on my lips. As I lay there, the idea revealed its self as a campaign for all of us who were struggling to appreciate our own creations. I wrote about it in my journal - the what, the how, the who, interview questions. But I didn't actually do it. I was too afraid.....afraid it or I would fail. Perhaps too, part of it was doing it for the wrong reason. So, instead of failing, I got something worse.....I didn't try at all. I moved on and went through the rest of 2009, making changes, taking chances, suffering, learning, torturing myself, accepting, and growing.
2010: Something shifted in me in the past few months. I arrived at a place where I just decided that I really wanted to do the campaign I dreamed of last year. I didn't care about failure, as a matter of fact, I decided that I could not fail because I was doing this for me.....because I wanted to do it, period....because I had been gifted with the idea (I take no credit for coming up with it - it was divinely planted) and not to do it was an insult to me and to whoever blessed me with it.....and because I know the pain of this struggle and how frustrating it is, I wanted to share what I've learned so far in hopes that someone would be helped, even if that someone turned out to be me because I've still got a ton of room to grow! The best thing has already come out of this experience: I'm doing it and I'm truly pleased with myself for that.
Let's talk about the business part: For the most part, interviews will be posted on Tues, Wed, Thurs. I will be posting Mon and Fri (except for this week, I'll be posting Wed too!). I decided to theme my posts around tips that I credit with getting me to where I am right now - which is a lot further than I was a year ago. Mr Linky will be there Mon - Fri for those of you who want to add your link.
As best as you can, Heal Your Past.
I truly feel that my biggest obstacle in this journey has been my past experiences with other people.
I was full of self-disapproval. I wasn't born with this. I learned it from my experiences. (This isn't about blame - it's about honesty.) I was disapproved of by my society (family, friends, etc.). Not my art (cause at the time I didn't really do much art) - ME, I was NOT OKAY, I didn't get the check mark or thumbs up. Everyone was always telling me that there was something wrong with me......You're too intense, You think too much, She's a b*tch, judging the heck out of me with their blah, blah, blah. The who's and the how's and the what's aren't important. What's important is what I came away with: I am not good enough.
Seems easy enough to 'fix.'
I'll just be "good enough" in everything I do. Doesn't work, actually does more damage.
I'll just tell myself, "I'm good enough." Isn't good enough.
I'll blame everyone else and be angry at them. Helps to feel and express the anger about it, but leaves the power in their hands and leaves me their victim.
I'll realize that they are damaged and have no clue what's going on.
I'll figure out that I can never receive enough approval from them to counteract the damage that's been done. Leaves me in a hole.
I'll realize that it's okay if they don't like my personality or even Me because the truth of the matter is that they don't really even know who I am. Start climbing out of the hole.
Find out Who I Am, not from second hand or third hand knowledge, but from The Source.....Me. Determine that I like me and it's okay if I don't like them - furthermore, because of that, it's REALLY okay if they don't like me.
Decide that they don't validate me or invalidate me. Claim my right to validate myself.
Validate my worth through actions, mostly through art, and through friends. Creates a dent in me and leaves me confused.
Gain an awareness that these new people also cannot validate my worth even if they're totally different than people from my past and are highly supportive. Learn to use their support to support my own strength.
Know that if no one else is there to support me, I don't NEED it because The Universe always provides us with what we NEED.
Have a conversation with The Universe and find The ONLY Key to validating worthy'ness.
Seems so easy from this end. But it wasn't. And I've still got a lot of hard work to do. But I know if I made it this far, I can make it further.
What? Oh, right, I almost forgot.....The Key to Validating Worthy'ness (in my opinion).
The ONLY thing that validates worthy'ness is the fact that We Are. If 'We Are' than that means there is a power behind, an energy, a driving force - call it whatever you like, a soul for example. ALL SOULS are worthy in the eyes of The Universal Power, none greater, none lesser - All is equal because All is One.
The ONLY 'thing' that validates my worthy'ness is the fact that I Am. I am not worthy because I make beautiful art, or even regular art, or have a job, or raise children, or take care of the elderly or animals, or because I give money to charity. Although those are wonderful actions that we can all do, they do not make me acceptable or okay or good. They can help me find out Who I AM and help me to have joy on this journey. But I am worthy with or without them.
I read a lot of the Conversations with God series. There's some really interesting, somewhat confusing ideas in there. But an awesome read! I highly recommend any and all of them.
Anyways, perhaps someone might be saying, "What's this got to do with hearting your art?" I say, "EVERYTHING!" If I do not approve of the base of something, I will not approve of the whole. If I do not approve of ME, I will not approve of the art that comes from ME, from my insides and is part of Me. If I am not good enough, neither is it.