Friday, May 11, 2012

Moody Blues Days #3

You greet me before the waking of the sun & begin the romancing right away -
You kiss my eyes into open'ness,
You kiss my mind into aware'ness,
You kiss my breath into conscious'ness,
You kiss my ears into the hearings of bird songs,
You kiss my body into rising,
You kiss my creativity into action,
And All Day Long,
You kiss my mouth into a kiss back to you,
for Now I Know it was You,
Always You -
& none other -
but You In Disguise,
My Love,
who kissed this heart,
my heart,
into beating the very first beat you wanted it to beat in the beat that would be the beat of my life.


ps:  I try to enjoy the beat of my heart, but honestly sometimes it grosses me out.  oh well.  i still try, it is my heart after-all, and what keeps this body I ride around in alive.  That's of my most precious commodities.  I am more careful what I do with it and to it.  I wasn't very smart with it when I was many ways.  Be grateful for your heart today!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

From altar girl to sewer rat

When someone IS a liar
the result is they believe YOU are a liar.

When they've been lying to you
they believe you are lying to them.

They require no proof of their beliefs
to believe it of you.
Even if you've never been caught lying by them about anything,
because you haven't lied to them,
because you never had anything to lie to them about,
it simply doesn't matter.

You must be a liar for their story about you to work.

When someone IS resentful of you
the result is they believe YOU are resentful,
no matter how many times you've explained your position....
it reverts back to the fact that you must be lying
because they are in fact lying.

None of this will be apparent to them
because they don't know who they really are
and they will try to twist your insight back upon you.
THAT'S why it is VITAL to
then they can't tell you that you are them in disguise.

Here is a short story:

Once upon a time there was a bird who lived outside
but who didn't know it lived outside
and no matter how many times others tried to convince the bird that it lived outside
it didn't believe.
One day a cage showed up who said,
"Hey bird, fly in here, for this is where you will truly be free."
Now that bird lives in the cage
only it doesn't know it lives in the cage
because the bars are so close to its eyes
it can't see them.

Part of me feels like I am being bullied
all over again
for things that other people are responsible for
but I am Thee Scapegoat for All
If you hate your life
must be my fault
If you lost a relationship due to your lack of care
must be my fault
If your friends abandon you and leave you sitting at home
take it out on me
why not,
It's not like I ever drove an hour one way so you could see the ungrateful jerks
no, no
must be my fault
there's no other explanation for why people didn't bother with a relationship with you
cause people are so good at being in relationships and keeping up with relationships.
yes, I'm everyone's problem.

Hubby - "We won."
Me - "How's that?"
Hubby - "Cause you got your saying tattooed on her back and she hates it."
don't tell me people don't act out things unconsciously and have NO CLUE that they are
here was the good advice I tried to share and I quote: 
"If I had gotten the tattoo I wanted on me at 18, I'd have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle on me right now."
but I'm just a controlling resentful liar

here's my new advice for those of you looking to get some ink:

don't go around believing someone is always on your back when they're just trying to help you out of your 'young and dumb'ness' and provide you a better chance than they were given because you will end up with a tattoo of something they always said to you to try to comfort you on your back and you will resent it because you resent them
but it will ALWAYS be there
you can cover it up all you want
it's still there
mocking you
carved into your flesh as long as you live
naturally you won't see this as your own fault
it's obviously the work of a controlling resentful liar who never wanted you to have friends
Homer Simpson said it best, "You chose fruit, you eat fruit." 

 Man, if you can bawl your face off and rant for a few hours at what you heard mid-day
and arrive at the evening saying,
"God, Thank you for the AWESOME day!  I love you and I know you love me no matter what's going on."
still with puffy eyes and 10 stab wounds in your back
that you'll have to heal knowing there probably are more to come
Then nothing can keep joy from you.
Then no-one's actions can keep you from joy.


ps:  I dedicate Megadeth's "Liar" (beware of 'bad' language).
ps 2:     21 visits from West Grove? and 10 from Aston?  really?  I haven't even posted that much.  You people need to get a hobby.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Kira's got the 10 and a half

Okay, I've been a naughty blog mommy
I admit it
but I couldn't blog because......

  • I was WAY too happy this winter
yeah, that's right
I was joyfully cozy and extra snuggle-y content
I'm probably the only person in the world who actually didn't want spring to arrive
because winter was so wonderful
look how beautiful it was

  •    I was WAY too busy stretching my wings
especially artistically
making things I've never made before
achieving new levels in my mixed media artistic skills
opening myself to whole worlds being downloaded into my creative spirit

  •  I was WAY too angry and sad and hurt and defeated from the betrayal of others
 do you think it's a coincidence that on the day I found out someone had stolen from me there were 19 turkey vultures sitting in a tree next to our house?
the people, not the birds
the birds are beautiful
the people......ask me when I'm in a better mood

  • I was WAY too in love with art journalling
I don't know how or why I was missing it before,
but not now,
I totally get it

  • I was WAY far deep into a seriously committed relationship
with my mechanical pencil
and my paper stump
how could I not be when we can make things like this together

  • I was WAY brave and put myself out there to do TWO displays of my work this year

and I'm going to be doing some unconventional advertising for it
which I'm going in with the attitude to have fun with it
and I'm going to be on display with my work to talk to people
which is scarey for me because I am shy

but I'm not really concerned about any of that right now because
I haven't even finished the work for the display which is happening June 1

  •  I was WAY too 'ill'
apparently I am being poisoned by my own dental fillings (so are you btw)
I have toxic levels of metal in me that are causing me to have a thyroid problem
so now I'm taking 2 kinds of supplement pills
4 of one kind
1 of another
and drinking some chalky, thankfully tasteless powder in water that is negatively charged so that the metals in my body cling to it
AND I have to take some tin drops which do the same thing as above except with specifically tin
I will have to go and have all my fillings replaced
I wonder how that will go

I really like the doctor I'm working with though

He said I was fun to work with.
He's got the same name as Pop-Tart
Doctor Bob

 speaking of them
  • I've was WAY too covered in cat hair
they are like maniacs
but they're cute though
so they can get away with a lot
it's way better than living with kids IMO
cause I can lock them in a room when they're being bad and no one calls the police on me :)

and they also don't go and befriend my ex-frienemies
instead when I'm upset
they sleep in bed with me
even though that makes it harder for me to sleep
I appreciate their efforts

  • I was WAY too double-minded
time passes
and sometimes you think
did I make the right decision
and then you join Fakebook and find out things that make you cry

and Hubby
who everyone thinks is "such a nice guy"
(only cause he doesn't tell them what he really thinks about them)
lets his inner troll out and says,
"If she wants to roll around in the muck with the pigs, you let her.  Her actions only prove that you made the right decision.  They are all together because they're all the same, they are all PIGS.  You deserve better."
I knew I married the right guy
sometimes it's easy to forget that when he murders your plant that you've lovingly taken care of for several years thinking, "This year it will flower"
instead this year it will have to regrow from the ground because he weed whacked it to nothing
but then he comes out with something like "Isn't that always the way it was?  Him first and her in the background?"
so brilliant it deserved a high five

  •  I was WAY too full from spending time with God
seeing the patterns in life
things repeating in strange and wonderfully magickal ways
and then he says the patterns have been happening to him too
words being said on the radio as he's looking at a sign for them and such
it means we're going the right way
it means God is saying, "Hi"
or it's a glitch in the Matrix

  • I was WAY too interested in the birds and busy feeding them and their other wild friends
like this new bird that showed up called a cowbird

and the hawks that kept coming to kill all the other birds
we counted at least 35 different species of just birds that come to our yard!
(don't forget the skunks, racoons, possums, squirrels, chipmunks, mice, bats, deer, cats, frogs, turtles, praying mantis-es, stick bugs, stink bugs (if you don't have them yet, you will - thank you Japan), rabbits, many other various bugs, foxes, groundhogs......I'm sure there are more......)

btw, the grackle above isn't dead
it just knocked its-self silly on our window


  • I was WAY too trapped in the past
and going over and over the way my mind does
trying to figure it out
was I the band-aid that didn't work out
I know I was the puppy that grew up into a dog and became less interesting that's for sure
because I was put out in the yard like a dog with the dog
to play alone (except the dog)
in the sand

and ended up getting pinched by pincher bugs because no one was there to protect me because honestly the dog wasn't that good at that kind of stuff
and at the time, I didn't know any better
but now I do
so when I find a pincher bug
I get up and walk away from it and play somewhere else

so then,
  • I was WAY too focused on trying to be like this girl and grow a butterfly out of my chest that would sit there and look pretty
but really that's not me
I don't do fake nice
I don't do fake I like the kind of person you are even when I don't
If I don't respect the kind of person you are,
if I find you lacking in the basics of integrity,
I don't want you in my life

I don't have time to deal with the amount of healing you have to do yet refuse to take responsibility for
I have art to make
Captain Nemo said it best, "I hate nothing, I simply reject it."
so the closest I can get to a butterfly out of my chest is this:

I bless everyone who my hubby calls The Pigs
because I LOVE my life
my life couldn't be any more perfect for me than it already is
so, these so named Pigs were part of that
a negative part
but still part
so I gotta bless 'em.
They meant me harm, but they did me good.
which sucks for them cause that means they failed.

and my final excuse for why I was a naughty blog mommy who barely posted at all this year.....
drum roll please...................

  • I was WAY too tired from all the stuff I just said and plus the swimming I was doing all autumn and winter long in my heated swim-spa (and still doing)
I'm still working out 4-5 times a week
since we got the pool in September I think
so that's pretty good
haven't really lost any weight
but man you should see my calf muscles!


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