featured film short: Grackled and Grunged

Side-ways pockets are allowed and burned wood makes great art.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

~magick~
Meliss

Details for Accidental Mermaid and Her Un-Armed Beauty

My videos aren’t meant to instruct as much as they are meant to share, entertain, inspire, and encourage.  I have listed some of them under the label of how-to only because YouTube doesn’t provide me the proper label like "Art" for example.

But, since part of my goals are to share information and to inspire others toward their own creative endeavors, I will do my best to share with you what I understand myself to be doing in the following videos, as requested.



Accidental Mermaid

1- leaf imprints (instructions on this can be found under the tutorial/tips label on the right side)
2- carbon paper used with plastic embossing thingies (that's the technical term) those machines use  *you don't need a machine to use 'em ;)  YAY!!
3- Golden Matte Medium (to protect the carbon layer)
4- spray bottle with water and food color
5- regular ballpoint pen
6- gesso (which turns recently used pen ink purple)
7- Apple Barrel acrylic craft paint in Apricot
8- DecoArt Dazzling Metallics Elegant Finish in Moss Pearl
9- more pen was probably added when I wasn't filming to darken shadows and outlines



Her Un-Armed Beauty (if you can't view this video - hop over to my YouTube channel and watch the other one listed that isn't blocked)

*this video was done longer ago, so the details for me are more fuzzy*

1- charcoal stick
2- gesso
3- pencil
4- acrylic blue probably using a moist brush
5- DecoArt Dazzling Metallics Elegant Finish in Moss Pearl
6- acrylic purple (maybe with a moist brush or dry brushed on, I'm not sure, either will give you a lovely effect though)
7- colored pencil
8- FolkArt acrylic paint in Parchment
9- more moss pearl paint, acrylic rose, acrylic purple, more parchment, more purple
10- gesso
11- stamp using stamp ink pressed onto page, then water brushed on stamp and stamped on page for a wetter, less crisp image
12- pencil
13- gesso
14- pen
15- gesso rolled on
16- more pencil
17- more gesso
*backs of photos:  masking tape, gesso, 2 acrylic purples*
18- clock stencil used with black acrylic paint and gesso

Any further questions, please leave a comment here and I'll do my best to answer.

Now, go do some art journalling - it's ever so much fun!

~magick~
Meliss

Ps:  As always, I send my gratitude out into the Universe for all the love and light that You reflect in my direction.  squeezies

featured film short: Accidental Mermaid

I called it Accidental Mermaid because I didn't know who she was until almost the end when I suddenly said to myself, "that mark i made in the hair earlier looks like a tail....especially with the diamond pattern which looks a lot like scales....she looks like a Mermaid."

And so she is The "Accidental Mermaid".

The music came together toward the end of production when I said, "Doesn't Kevin MacLeod have a Mermaid song???"  and he did.....gave the thing a whole different feeling.  Before that I was using something completely different and very 'Dan-O' because Dan-O did it.  Good for something else, most certainly I have some ideas already who to pair it with.  ;)  The Dan-O song added some pep and an island feel behind the snow.  Apparently it's possible to do that.  :) who knew?

anyways, I really like it and I hope it transports you somewhere really, Really Lovely.

~magick~

Meliss

How I got the leaf impressions on the Love makes dogs happy page

I boiled them in Arm and Hammer Super Washing Soda and water until they got all soft and smooshy.  Then I carefully pulled some out and laid them flat on my journal page and closed the book, squashing down on the top with my hands.  And wah-lah, when I opened it up, there was a colorful, ghostly picture of a leaf that once was.

These were green leaves I used too btw, but perhaps because it was late in the season a reddish color came out of them.  ??  As soon as the trees get leaves this year, I'm gonna experiment with the spring leaves.  What color do you think they'll leave (ha)?  This one was altered by the watercolor I used.

Try all different kinds of leaves, all different kinds of paper.  Use your art journal or just press it between two sheets.  Use the same leaf multiple times.

Originally I was making leaf skeletons - you boil them in the same stuff and then carefully remove the flesh with a brush in clean water until it 'leaves' just the skeletal structure.  I think there's a link about that on my pinterest board under Art Journalling.  Only certain leaves work for this.

But for the impressions, I think they all worked.  I even got some bamboo leaves from my artist friend, Addison.

~Happy experimenting~
Meliss

Ps:  Ever make scrambled eggs for a raccoon?  Today, I did.  I went outside to feed the birds and heard a noise under the steps I just came from and saw a terrified raccoon.

Poor baby.  I'm glad they get scared and hide their faces thinking we can't see them anymore because I had to walk up those steps it was hiding right under to get back inside to call Deb Raccoon, as we call her, and ask her what to do.  She said it's probably just disoriented from hibernating and to make it a scrambled egg trail back to the woods.  I did.  I'm still waiting to see what happens.  It looks drunk the poor thing.  Deb Raccoon will take care of it if it needs help.  Thank you God for people like Deb Raccoon who care enough to help wild animals and people like me who are surrounded by them.  :)  It's hour 4 of raccoon watch........

i'm working & listening to this :)

hey chickie, i got your message but i don't remember your name (I am so bad with names).

She was, You were "impressed" and it tickled my heart and made me realize how amazing it was that those two characters showed up in that mirrored leaf impression (in regards to the film short Love makes dogs happy).  Really magickal.  I had created the impression with leaf soup.  i wish I had footage of what that is, but I don't - next time i make leaf soup, when there are leaves to do it with, i'll show you.  (*coming up next week i'll explain how I made the leaf impression.) 

anyways, I'm rambling.  The leaf imprints were there for weeks before I saw that cool guy (who reminds me of the little boy from  the cartoon movie "We're Back") and his beautiful Girl-Dog named Sprite, I guess, cause He's most certainly The Wanderer, but then again, maybe she's the wanderer.....???  So one day I picked up the book and flipped through it and just saw them there clearly.  That's the day I did the page. 

What she said, you said, made me realize that I Am talented, but i don't attribute seeing them to my talent.  I attribute it to my magick and my beliefs and me paying attention and my hours spent practicing my art.  I watched the video with new eyes and appreciated and loved it all over again.  :)  ~gratitude for your door opening~

I think it's also attributed to a book I got for Christmas 2012 - "Drawing and Painting Imaginary Animals" by Carla Sonheim.  Her book mostly taught me that whatever I see, I should draw.  I should allow the animal being to BE who it is and to look the way it looks.  EVEN if that shape is TECHNICALLY incorrect.  There are many things that are 'incorrect' about what I've done.  The main two that try to bother me are that patch on the bottom of his jacket and how the black doesn't line up correctly AND two, and even more technically wrong, is that dog's leg!  technically, it 'SHOULD' line up with that 'bib' line where her fur is lighter in the front.  I'll probably get a thumbs down from some a-hole for it - LOL!  Back to my point, Carla Sonheim taught me that it's okay!  Let her leg be technically wrong because it is still visually pleasant.  She's pretty.  I wanted her leg to look long and lean.  hey maybe she's got boobs.  my dog had one  ;)  mind you it was a tumor, the poor girl, but still she had a nicely rounded chest on one side.  I gave her light colored circular eyebrows like my doggy, Samba had.

i'm rambing.  see, this is why i don't post much.  i have art journalling to dive into and i gotta pull myself out of this lovely internet pool.  ;)

that's some of my thoughts over the last few hours since I woke up. 

It's a misty, MISTY day.  here's a pic out my window.

thanks for your appreciation of my life's work.  i am grateful to be part of your positive experience on our wondrous Earth.  hey, do yourself a favor and notice some magick today...okay?  don't you love rhyming?

~magick~
Meliss

ps:  hugs back K

Back by popular demand! Film short: Love makes dogs happy

for katherandefy and Rhonda Garner:  I appreciate You!

 

 

snow snow snow.  i hope we get more.  :)

~magick~

Meliss

For when you're sad

I send you

~magick~
Meliss

Surviving the dream

On the days when it’s hard to live my dream,
I survive by the words of others who are ‘alone’ and living their dreams.

Diana Nyad, says to me:

"Just remember, remember if the body’s hurting and the mind is weak, that you want to do this."

"This 90 minutes, how do I get through it?"

Ke$ha said to me just this morning:

"I came to realize a long time ago that the only constant is gonna be me & at first it was kinda heart-breaking, but this is my life. Making music & sharing it with my fans is what I love more than anything else in the world. I know it’s not gonna be easy to have any kind of personal life, but I’m lucky enough to be living my dream so the least I can do is dive in all the way."

Glenn Villeneuve from Nat Geo’s Life Below Zero told me:

"This is the best way of life for me to live & I’m gonna do it as long as I can."

Sue Aikens from Nat Geo’s Life Below Zero comforted me with:

"Happiness is a very brief bust of emotion, but to be content is to be comfortable in a style of life."

A song from Night of the Comet shared:

"Now that you got everything that you wanted, you’re gonna have to learn to deal with the dream."

And Zoe from American Horror Story - Coven put me under a spell:

"Be in your nature."

Iyanla Vanzant reminds me:

"Your vision has to be self-sustaining."

And Daniel Esquivel from Project Runway All Stars assures me:

"You can do anything with silk organza."

Thank God I have some.

~magick~
Meliss

Ps:  TAN CATS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND BACKSTABBERS AND/OR PIGS, as The Hubby calls them.  "Oink, Oink, my good man."  We're so glad we got the better end of the deal.  :)

Magick is my word

so magick is what I’ll say.

A Poetess visited my blog.
:)
Nay, a performance poet!
I Like that with a capital Like.
I admire that about her.
She said things to me that I didn’t understand,
but was also scared by and intrigued by.

Things that referenced performing poetry that you wrote yourself in front of people.
Eeekkk!~
That scares me.
Some people would say I should do it for sure then
(probably even past or future versions of Me).
Maybe one day.
But for now,
I’ll just keep practicing it in my room,
all alone
performing for an imaginary audience
or even just God.

I’ve seen it work with me imagining a big bath tub outside
just because it was a beautiful vision that helped me escape the less than perfect surroundings I was bathing in at the time.

And now,
I have what is like a big bath tub outside.
I’ve been told that - Pretending is one of the fastest ways to get something into your life!
Pretending.
Yeah, I said pretending.
Sounds crazy.
I know.
But sometimes,
pretending is really just practicing,
with really subtle differences.

We should practice things we want to do,
so we know how to do them.
Why we ever think we should just know what to do,
I have no clue.
Must have been our mothers.

The local Poets have been unfriendly towards me.
Ha,
How silly that I should write that.
But,
I giggle,
it’s true
and nod at its poetic nature.

I don’t know if they are stuck up
or if I just think they’re stuck up which is what makes them seem stuck up.
?

I was the outsider.
I usually,
to always,
am.
And nothing has seemed to change that.
I also seem to be with a guy who is the outsider.
Go figure.

But now,
it’s all okay,
for I have learned to draw!
And to fill my life up with an army of beings behind me.
My paper and pencil/pen have become what creates connection in my life.
Sometimes it’s my computer.
:) hi.

Yeah, It’s disappointing when people don’t get you.
But not deadly.
IT AIN’T DEADLY.
We can live through rejection
even in just understanding
and appreciation
and validation
let alone real rejection of the heart!~
Ouch.
But survivable.
All survivable.
Even bullying is survivable.
I’ve seen many survivors.

So, the local poet group didn’t get me
or didn’t want to.
Not a big deal.
I’ll just continue on,
living and loving my dream the way it is now.
Which is part wondering,
always wondering,
getting curious-er
and curious-er....
What will happen then?
And feeling scared
And part Knowing.
And feeling a- sured.
All held together with a big ol’ bow called Art
because it turns out,
I’M FINALLY GOOD AT SOMETHING BESIDES SEX
and attracting men.
And now,
I take my refuge in that
and I close my eyes tight against it
so the next thought of how it’s not true can’t whisper doubt alive in my belly.
I hate it when that happens.

~magick~
Meliss

Nose Bumps

The progression of a newer expression of the thing we call nose in my art.

I drew 3 new beings all with nose bumps this past weekend.
Nose bumps showed up because I was trying to show age in a character.
(Later this week, I’ll show you what else I used.)

I really enjoy being able to draw something like that and use it to create expression.
Nose bumps can add depth and character to your ‘characters’,
to your drawing.

Something as simple as a supposed ‘flaw in the character’ adds interest,
shows imperfection,
which creates a connection.
For us, it shows us a version of humanity.

I say to you,
Keep on drawing.
Fit it in where-ever you can.

STEAL THAT TIME FOR YOUR DREAMS BACK!

I draw in an empty check register, I got years ago free from an old bank, while waiting for appointments with my Sage.
Getting well,
after a long-time of poisoning yourself,
is time consuming.

My Sage is getting more and more popular
and busy.
He is often late for appointments with me.
Most times,
it doesn’t bother me,
I just use that time to make my dream of drawing better come true.

We all have tiny places we can ‘steal’ time from.
When you’re waiting, that’s a great time to draw.
If you cook or bake,
keep a small sketch book in the kitchen that you draw in while waiting on food.

Cool thing about it:
You don’t have to finish anything in one sitting.
You don’t.
You only have to do what you can,
in small increments,
to arrive where you want.

If it took you a week, here and there,
doesn’t matter,
because in the end,
if you keep going,
you’ll end up with that drawing
OR, that WHOLE BOOK FULL of your drawings,
if that’s what you want.

You just gotta steal extra moments
and use them to draw.

Didn’t you always secretly want to be a bandit?
Here’s your chance.
Be a time bandit in your own life and always be on the look out for time you can steal and then transform into your dream come true.

Nose bumps are also proof of the development of a new characteristic
in my art
and in my drawing abilities arsenal
due to my time put into drawing.

Firstly,
Having a drawing abilities arsenal makes drawing much easier!

Here’s how:
the Harry Potter logic kicks in for me,
"I knew that I could do it,
well,
because I’d already done it."

Now that I can draw nose bumps
(can, in this instance, not only implies ability, but also implies permission),
I will.
Confidence in drawing
and in playing while drawing,
permission to include imperfections and really crazy, crazy angles
and still come out with a good sketch
and the knowledge that anything THAT Bad,
can be covered with a layer
and ‘fixed’.
aka, Freedom

Secondly,
the only, only way to get a drawing abilities arsenal is to DRAW.

Sorry.
But really, I’m not.
Drawing is delightful
and what I wish for you is
De-Light! De-Light!

I’ve been watching too much Fantasy Island.

~magick~
Meliss

Love is Love

So,
I was drawing last weekend.
I told you.
What I didn’t tell you about it yet is that when I was going back through them,
I saw something I didn’t have the intention on doing,
but there it was!
Not that I wouldn’t do it,
I just didn’t draw this on purpose.

I noticed I drew two couples that are gay!
:)
and fantastic.
I so adore them and they make me wish I had a gay male friend!
Insert some people laughing right now tv sitcom style.
But, I swear I was just almost mindlessly drawing and half paying to:
my hubby or the cats or to the tv, as we watched the first season of Fantasy Island dvd.

It was kinda Zen,
just allowing the pen to move and not over thinking anything
because Mixed Media provides a confidence that
ANYTHING CAN BE RECOVERED
and made into Art we can find beauty in.
And in my world man’ish-women and woman’ish-men are embraced and allowed.

So, I do remember brief thoughts when I was drawing this figure,
and my intention was to draw a girl.
I vaguely realized,
A different looking girl,
sure,
But female just the same.
Whatever,
I just drew
and allowed whoever wanted to come through to come through.

And later, looking at it,
I say, "That’s a man baby!" (In my best Austin Powers impersonation).
Smiling.

As I looked at the scene
and contemplated the look in his eyes,
I started to realize.
That’s not a girl.
It’s a guy.
A guy that’s in love with the other guy next to him.
That much is evident.
I know that look.

And even though the other looks like he’s being a douche and not paying attention,
that’s not exactly what’s going on.
He’s just wearing a bit more of a mask than the other guy.
For reasons that he understands.
That they both understand
and accept
as part of their relationship.

Do you want fries
or a baked potato
with your steak?

Is it weird that I should know all this about two figures I drew?
It doesn’t feel weird.
It feels normal that I should know that information.

I recently watched the film Bridegroom.
If you love Love,
you should see that film.
You should also see it if you like cute bois.
;)

We can all Love people and still not want to know a DAMN Thing about their sex life.
;)  .
I just know I appreciate their Love they put into our world.
It isn't different unless you think it is.

So,
dedicated to all those,
to whom this speaks.

I say, Do I think they’re gay?
As if someone asked me.
And I respond,
~I think they’re in love.~

But I can tell you,
the picture continues for me,
and I see that they’re holding hands,
where others can’t see it,
just so others feel at peace.

Wait,
let me get this right.

They hide an expression of Love,
in order that others feel okay?

I see respectful.
but I also see sadness that it's considered respectful for partners to not hold hands if they want to because other people would be so bothered by it.

Glad it wouldn't bother me to see them hold hands.
Or carry a propane tank together.
Which is almost the same as holding hands,
only with gas.
ba-dum-ba goes the drum.

Personally,
I love pretty bois in love!
I think they’re wonderful.

Even the moon loves them,
and the moon is NEVER wrong.

~magick~
Meliss

Draw like the Devil!

~Oh, I don't care if it's November!~
(I can say that because truly,
I love November
because it's wonderful
and happens to be my birth month)

I already miss Halloween.
Being sick in the fall sucks.
Time is sucked up with resting, resting, resting.
Zombie-fied in one way or another.

But resting is lovely......
a nap with a cat on the couch cures a lot of stuff too.

I like Zombie Me.
She's lovely and magickal.
She's a super good draw-er.
Wait until I show you later this week what I discovered that she drew.

Speaking of drawing,
I also like this Zombie Chick.
She's fantastical.
And she easily enchants with her cool punk rock hair
and her crooked shoulders
and her vest
and her stripped arms
and her patched together, beautiful face.

Like a female Alice Cooper.....
I gotta break out the tape player and listen to 'Welcome to My Nightmare' !
Like I did several autumns back when I started Time Travelling.
How do I Time Travel?
It of course has to do with going 88 mph and coming out air cold.
But the rest I don't understand.

Anyways,
I know lots of beautiful Zombies whom are easy to Love.
Don't you?

~magick~
Meliss

Ps:  it delights my heart to delight yours!

Of Values and Vision

This weekend, Iyanla Vanzant told me this:

"Your talents, skills, and abilities can only take you so far. They can’t sustain you. What sustains you is your character, your values, and your vision"

furthermore she said,

"And those parts of you were undeveloped."

It Hit Me
and caused me to immediately write it down in my journal.
And since then,
it’s been on my mind......

What is my character?
What are my values?
What is my vision?

I have some answers from the last time I went on a quest to determine what I wanted my vision of my work to be,
but this time,
any answers are only starting points.

The weekend was good: productive, relaxing.
That extra hour was kick-ass.
We forgot and fed the cats a half hour late which turned out to be half an hour early.
Ha!

This weekend I also proved out something to myself
and arrived at this:

Advice for those who say things like I used to, specifically "I WISH I could draw."

Draw.
:)
Yeah, my advice is Draw.
Seriously.
You don’t have to WISH you could draw,
you can just do it.
You have the equipment most likely.
Even if you don’t, many people work with what they have to accomplish something they really want.
You can make your own wish come true
by simply doing what you wish you could!
Especially in this case,
not much money is required.
Time,
but time you can find
much more easily than you can find money.
Sometimes we are the only ones who are stopping our wishes from coming true.
Is that true every single time our wishes don’t come true?
Even when it has to do with money????
(beware of the rabbit holes there)

Anyways,
I was in the line of a woman who worked at the cash register at Walmart.
She spoke of how yucky (my word not hers) she felt toward people on Facebook who talk about the crafts they made,
because she claimed to not have time to do such things.
Her opinion is valid to her experience.
But I question her claim about not having time.
People, including me, waste time all the time.
I bet I could follow you around all weekend and come up with time that is wasted on other unimportant or less important stuff that you are stealing from what could be used to make your wishes come true.

We get super, SUPER easily sucked into dramatic-emotional voyages to nowhere.

Such as being upset with other people for living their dreams......
when if we were living our dreams,
we probably wouldn’t have time to see them living theirs
or time to be envious
or even the desire.

Being happy in your particular life is a CURE to many, many problems.

 

Perhaps the time you spent looking at people’s Facebook stuff talking about their crafts could be spend making your own crafts if that’s what you really want to do.....
And honestly,
I WOULD BET A LOT THAT YOU DO.
;)
I speak from envious-experious.
That’s a spell that’s easily fallen under by those who are looking at someone else’s yoga mat.

I am learning to keep my eyes on mine,
even when it gets lonely
because I must be about the work of my life,
not about what you are doing that’s bothering me.

Extra hours go by.
Flow by.
Mindlessly adventuring in some virtual world where gun play is okay, but you still apologize to computer simulated people whose body parts are missing because you Blew Them Away with your shotgun when they popped out around a corner trying to kill you.
But in real-life you catch bugs in a plastic container and put them outside in the cold where they die......
Wait,
should I have killed it myself?
Is that nicer?
Than letting it freeze to death?
Oh, these are the white rabbit questions that jump into ethical rabbit holes.
No, no rabbit, I’m not following you.
I’ll just tell them what you said.

Anyways, I’m starting the work week by exploring my character and my values and my vision.
I encourage you to either find out what those things are in your life
or to re-state to yourself what they are because you already know.

And do the thing you keep saying "I wish I could **blah**"
Diana Nyad would say, ‘FIND A WAY."
She’d also point out that achievements sometimes take a lifetime to arrive at.

And sometimes they require a weekend of on again, off again drawing like a swimmer works-out.

So, over the weekend, I created 26 beings.
And today I’m stringing together these words and images to celebrate that and to learn from it.

I value that Art is a wide and varied expanse
that will stretch out across my life.
Today is only one part of the building blocks that will create that expanse.

Same is true for you.
What will you build?

~magick~
Meliss

Featured Film Short: Her Un-Armed Beauty

May I present to you,
Her Un-Armed Beauty,
a Tribute to a girl I once knew.



Dena was this really bitchin’,
free spirited, totally cool, hippie chick, girlfriend I had senior year of high school.

Although our friendship did not last past our early 20's,
the memories we made together have lasted.

She died in September of 2004
and today is her birthday.
(at least it was when I wrote this before many time and technical difficulties)
She was born exactly one month before me in 1972.

I took these pictures of her.
One from one side
and one from the other.
She literally turned and we set up,
I moved, she fluffed her hair, and I took the pic!
What a difference.

I see a little girl, sweet, but unsure in one
and I clearly see a woman in the other.
I Always loved these pictures of her.
Now, I’m at a point in my life when I have the ability to create something really unique and special that reflects something of Her and of the times we shared.

She deserves to have art made about Her.

She always seemed to be trying to get her life together.
One time, she moved to CA from The East Coast.
It ended with her returning home,
on the plane,
crying.
She said she cried on the plane next to some guy.
She felt bad for him.
I felt bad for her.
I wished I’d been able to be there for her.

But once I was.
And I’ll always hold a special place in my heart for the time she cried in my lap.
Does that sound sick or mean?
I don’t mean it to be.
I feel more like Sally Fields in Steel Magnolias saying, “It was a most precious moment of my life.” (Or does she say the most precious?)

But now I’m the one crying
and saying,
THERE IS VALUE HERE IN THIS LOVELY EXPERIENCE PEPPERED WITH PAIN.
If you can find the value in the pain.
You Are Totally GOLDEN.

Your job is to find that in your own sadnesses,
in your own losses.

Don’t stop at SAD.

Dig deeper and go for the sob

So, Dena, thank you for helping me to experience part of The Great Tragedy in Life.
If I didn’t know The Great Tragedy in Life, I could not know Life.
And knowing Life,
fully and completely,
IS the purpose of Life,
I think.

What I speak of is only a single gift of her Great Life.
Just one single gift
of
an
endless
supply
of
gifts
of
Her.

She helped me be more free.
Because she had a freedom about her.
We rode on that rope swing together.
We jumped in leaves together.
We took pictures together.
We rolled down that hill together.

She was an adventure for me.
No other girlfriend I’ve had since did those sorts of things
nor encouraged me to.

Dena, you were a trip.
You made me french toast.
You shared your school lunches with me that you probably paid for out of your own money from working at Acme.
I thank you for all that and for everything else I am leaving out.

Free Spirited people are great!
Until they leave.

I missed her when she was still alive
because she just kept going away.

a pile of pictures hides inside.
I still don't have a picture of us together.

I don’t know why or how she died.
By something I heard combined with something inside me,
I believe there was tragedy there.
?
I just don’t know.
But I know I saw her body
and the body was cold
and had no Dena spark left in it.

She was dead in the sense that people mean
if they mean gone from here.
Because dead does not equal end.
She was much too precious to end,
the shimmer of her remains.
Why else would I be talking about her right now?
Part of Her Shimmer lives on in me, through me,
because I remember her.
And I remember taking these pictures with her.
And I remember her sobbing into my lap
and me rubbing her back
and just trying to be there for her while her heart shattered
into a hundred
million
pieces because a guy she thought loved her, didn't,
he loved her ex-best friend.
Having someone sob with utter sadness from the soles of their feet into your lap leaves a wound on you.
That's why I tear up whenever I think about it.

I remember partying with her
and dancing with her
and cleaning her room with her
and brushing our teeth together
and picking leaves out of our hair together for hours after jumping in those leaves
and talking about how we STILL hadn’t started on our typing class project yet
and how much we hated our typing teacher, Mrs. Saroka (that woman was so mean to Dena - teachers shouldn’t be allowed to be mean to their students!)
and joining in on her plans to get our lives together
and working out with her
and laying out getting a tan with her (when I used to bother trying to get my freckley skin to tan)
and how she told me on the phone that the night before she came home from work and ate cottage cheese for several minutes without looking in the container first and when she finally did,
she saw that it was very green......ew
and talking about guys (lots of this)
and laughing,
and I remember laughing with her.

If we were not friends until the moment she died,
can I still morn her loss?
Am I allowed?
Or will there be judgement with this?
Whatever.

The last time I saw her,
I didn’t speak to her.
I was very sick
and wasn’t interested in rekindling our friendship.
She didn’t make any moves to.
My mother and her spoke,
I acknowledged her,
but I just didn’t want to be friends with someone again whom I knew had already bailed on our friendship twice before.

For me, she’d already died.
I’d already lost her in my life,
TWICE.
I’d already felt the heartbreak of it.

But all that is gone,
in the past,
and now she is the light that flickers through the trees through my window and onto my leg.

And whenever I hear “Love Song” by Tesla
or “When October Goes” by Barry Manilow,
the she that lives inside my heart,
lights up and shines anew.
   

I dedicate this all to you, Dena,
wherever you are....
Wait, I know where you are!!!
You’re Late!  What a surprise there.
Please don’t shake your chocolate milk again,
you already opened it and last time you sprayed us all.
:)~

~Love and Magick~
Meliss

ps:  here's the magick spell