Love is Love

So,
I was drawing last weekend.
I told you.
What I didn’t tell you about it yet is that when I was going back through them,
I saw something I didn’t have the intention on doing,
but there it was!
Not that I wouldn’t do it,
I just didn’t draw this on purpose.

I noticed I drew two couples that are gay!
:)
and fantastic.
I so adore them and they make me wish I had a gay male friend!
Insert some people laughing right now tv sitcom style.
But, I swear I was just almost mindlessly drawing and half paying to:
my hubby or the cats or to the tv, as we watched the first season of Fantasy Island dvd.

It was kinda Zen,
just allowing the pen to move and not over thinking anything
because Mixed Media provides a confidence that
ANYTHING CAN BE RECOVERED
and made into Art we can find beauty in.
And in my world man’ish-women and woman’ish-men are embraced and allowed.

So, I do remember brief thoughts when I was drawing this figure,
and my intention was to draw a girl.
I vaguely realized,
A different looking girl,
sure,
But female just the same.
Whatever,
I just drew
and allowed whoever wanted to come through to come through.

And later, looking at it,
I say, "That’s a man baby!" (In my best Austin Powers impersonation).
Smiling.

As I looked at the scene
and contemplated the look in his eyes,
I started to realize.
That’s not a girl.
It’s a guy.
A guy that’s in love with the other guy next to him.
That much is evident.
I know that look.

And even though the other looks like he’s being a douche and not paying attention,
that’s not exactly what’s going on.
He’s just wearing a bit more of a mask than the other guy.
For reasons that he understands.
That they both understand
and accept
as part of their relationship.

Do you want fries
or a baked potato
with your steak?

Is it weird that I should know all this about two figures I drew?
It doesn’t feel weird.
It feels normal that I should know that information.

I recently watched the film Bridegroom.
If you love Love,
you should see that film.
You should also see it if you like cute bois.
;)

We can all Love people and still not want to know a DAMN Thing about their sex life.
;)  .
I just know I appreciate their Love they put into our world.
It isn't different unless you think it is.

So,
dedicated to all those,
to whom this speaks.

I say, Do I think they’re gay?
As if someone asked me.
And I respond,
~I think they’re in love.~

But I can tell you,
the picture continues for me,
and I see that they’re holding hands,
where others can’t see it,
just so others feel at peace.

Wait,
let me get this right.

They hide an expression of Love,
in order that others feel okay?

I see respectful.
but I also see sadness that it's considered respectful for partners to not hold hands if they want to because other people would be so bothered by it.

Glad it wouldn't bother me to see them hold hands.
Or carry a propane tank together.
Which is almost the same as holding hands,
only with gas.
ba-dum-ba goes the drum.

Personally,
I love pretty bois in love!
I think they’re wonderful.

Even the moon loves them,
and the moon is NEVER wrong.

~magick~
Meliss

Of Values and Vision

This weekend, Iyanla Vanzant told me this:

"Your talents, skills, and abilities can only take you so far. They can’t sustain you. What sustains you is your character, your values, and your vision"

furthermore she said,

"And those parts of you were undeveloped."

It Hit Me
and caused me to immediately write it down in my journal.
And since then,
it’s been on my mind......

What is my character?
What are my values?
What is my vision?

I have some answers from the last time I went on a quest to determine what I wanted my vision of my work to be,
but this time,
any answers are only starting points.

The weekend was good: productive, relaxing.
That extra hour was kick-ass.
We forgot and fed the cats a half hour late which turned out to be half an hour early.
Ha!

This weekend I also proved out something to myself
and arrived at this:

Advice for those who say things like I used to, specifically "I WISH I could draw."

Draw.
:)
Yeah, my advice is Draw.
Seriously.
You don’t have to WISH you could draw,
you can just do it.
You have the equipment most likely.
Even if you don’t, many people work with what they have to accomplish something they really want.
You can make your own wish come true
by simply doing what you wish you could!
Especially in this case,
not much money is required.
Time,
but time you can find
much more easily than you can find money.
Sometimes we are the only ones who are stopping our wishes from coming true.
Is that true every single time our wishes don’t come true?
Even when it has to do with money????
(beware of the rabbit holes there)

Anyways,
I was in the line of a woman who worked at the cash register at Walmart.
She spoke of how yucky (my word not hers) she felt toward people on Facebook who talk about the crafts they made,
because she claimed to not have time to do such things.
Her opinion is valid to her experience.
But I question her claim about not having time.
People, including me, waste time all the time.
I bet I could follow you around all weekend and come up with time that is wasted on other unimportant or less important stuff that you are stealing from what could be used to make your wishes come true.

We get super, SUPER easily sucked into dramatic-emotional voyages to nowhere.

Such as being upset with other people for living their dreams......
when if we were living our dreams,
we probably wouldn’t have time to see them living theirs
or time to be envious
or even the desire.

Being happy in your particular life is a CURE to many, many problems.

 

Perhaps the time you spent looking at people’s Facebook stuff talking about their crafts could be spend making your own crafts if that’s what you really want to do.....
And honestly,
I WOULD BET A LOT THAT YOU DO.
;)
I speak from envious-experious.
That’s a spell that’s easily fallen under by those who are looking at someone else’s yoga mat.

I am learning to keep my eyes on mine,
even when it gets lonely
because I must be about the work of my life,
not about what you are doing that’s bothering me.

Extra hours go by.
Flow by.
Mindlessly adventuring in some virtual world where gun play is okay, but you still apologize to computer simulated people whose body parts are missing because you Blew Them Away with your shotgun when they popped out around a corner trying to kill you.
But in real-life you catch bugs in a plastic container and put them outside in the cold where they die......
Wait,
should I have killed it myself?
Is that nicer?
Than letting it freeze to death?
Oh, these are the white rabbit questions that jump into ethical rabbit holes.
No, no rabbit, I’m not following you.
I’ll just tell them what you said.

Anyways, I’m starting the work week by exploring my character and my values and my vision.
I encourage you to either find out what those things are in your life
or to re-state to yourself what they are because you already know.

And do the thing you keep saying "I wish I could **blah**"
Diana Nyad would say, ‘FIND A WAY."
She’d also point out that achievements sometimes take a lifetime to arrive at.

And sometimes they require a weekend of on again, off again drawing like a swimmer works-out.

So, over the weekend, I created 26 beings.
And today I’m stringing together these words and images to celebrate that and to learn from it.

I value that Art is a wide and varied expanse
that will stretch out across my life.
Today is only one part of the building blocks that will create that expanse.

Same is true for you.
What will you build?

~magick~
Meliss

Of Masks and Money

Let’s talk about masks,
baby.
Let’s talk about Hall-A-ween!
(to the tune of let's talk about sex, only there's no sex)
Which was yesterday,
but people wear masks Every Single Day.      
Oh man.
My hubby is a very good mask wearer.
I know what most of them look like
and I know what most of his real face looks like.
That's as much as we need to create happiness in our relationship.

Mask wearing and Me,
not so much,
unless I'm doing a spooky photo-shoot ;)

If I don’t like you
or I’m annoyed with you,
you probably know,
especially if you read my blog. ;)

But that’s why he works ‘Out There’
and I work ‘In Here.’
I don’t like playing emotional and/or mental games.
What a waste of time I could be using to make art
or just staring out the window watching the world God grew around me.
Doing what appears to be nothing is much better for me than wasting it playing those kinds of games.      

But mask wearing is a HUGE part of Life,
I’ve found,
especially in the areas of :
‘WORK’ (especially work places)
and MAKING MONEY.

The underlying annoyance in my life that is triggering these thoughts/beliefs to resurface:

People disguise themselves as teachers who really want you to do well.
That’s great.
Until they need to do more than just say in a recorded video, "I want ‘you’ (insert nameless student/the video camera or computer they’re actually looking at) to do well!"
And they’re unable to do so.
For whatever reason.

I believe that part of being a teacher,
a good teacher,
is providing positive feedback.
Givin' the teacher-ly love to a student who has and is working hard.
So when you receive crickets,
crickets come off as.......(fill in the blank with what you think it means)
For me, it's something other than positive I can tell you.

I woke up with this thought yesterday and today:

I AM SO GLAD I DON’T HAVE TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL TODAY!
Oh man - magickal love and blessings to those who do.
What a scary place.
It's been highlighted from my recent love of the movie Crazy/Beautiful.
Art Journalling kissed Movies rock!!

And now tickled with :

I wish I had art journalled my way through my life when I was younger instead of....... But bygones.

Anyways,
You can’t behave that way and not have it affect your success!!
People find out.
More and more these days,
stuff gets out.
It’s not as easy to keep secrets.
People realize that you aren’t behaving the way you say you believe.
And then it gets around.
People talk.
Nasty stuff spreads faster than positive stuff
which is weird because it’s like sludge so how the hell does it move so fast, eh?

Talking.....
at gatherings, especially,
and Especially women.
There’s truth there.
Some men do this,
but most don’t
because they’re........ugh, I can’t get into what they are besides cool enough to bear when they’re my hubby. 
You gotta "bear down" though.
"I don’t know that’s what they always say, ‘Bear down.’" (Look who’s talking’)

Anyways, it’s kinda sad, though,
because I DO want her to succeed!!
even though it’s obvious she does not want the same for me.
:( that part makes me sad again,
but more for her than for me because her lack of response to me is affecting her negatively (or is it effecting her - whatever, you know what I mean),
Period.
By chain reactions of choices and behaviors,
we are e/affected in 'this world' and spiritually.
Cause and Effect is REAL.

If she does want me to succeed though,
she is TERRIBLE at showing it.
So Terrible that I simply don’t believe it.
Nor do others.

But honestly, part of why I keep going back:
I feel sorry for her because she just can’t see her own behavior.
And I’m trying my best to support her in the way that I CAN,
that I’m Willing to
and where those things meet with what She’ll receive in positivity,
because some stuff I could give her WON’T HELP HER.
Believe me,
There are many things I would have liked to have said to her in a moment and then wanted to un-ring that fucking bell.
So many things I’d like to say to her - I clench my teeth!!!!
But seriously, there are enough people out there who want her to FAIL!
(with a real quiet whisper, and die. even if they don’t know it)
But me, I don’t want to see her in the streets.
My best part of me wants her Happy!
I DO, I DO, I DO.
I do believe in spooks.
Even if she doesn’t want me to succeed.
I want her to.
She doesn’t need to or have to want me to succeed.
I ALREADY HAVE! :)

Don’t matter that I can’t seem to receive her approval.
I don’t need her approval.
I know I’m kick ass.
Big, cheesy grin.
I don’t approve of HER BEHAVIOR,
but I DO APPROVE OF HER.
I approve of Her.
As hard as it is sometimes,
as hard as she makes it,
I Approve of Her Sweet Child-like Soul.

But as far as a teacher goes,
a teacher teaches
and that part is true.
I was taught,
by her
and I’ve learned,
and taken what I learned and broke all kinds of rules she told me along the way
because she’d probably be in line saying - Just make art. Don’t worry about the rules.
And I’ve made art.
My Art from My Heart.
From my life......
Who do you think haunts Fern Hill Cottage?

But as far as the part where she wants you or me to do well......
No.
NO.
THAT’s the mask part, people.
In order to make money you gotta sell something people want.
And when you’re selling that you're a teacher,
you have to pretend that you have good intentions when you don’t.
Because if you’re not wearing the mask to cover up your damage,
who is going to hire you if you’re looking to damage people like you are damaged?

When your mother ignores you,
you ignore your children.
Students are children.

Thank you God not all teachers are like this!!

But these are PEOPLE we’re talking about,
IMPERFECT,
and some are mentally and emotionally damaged.
They don’t know it.
They don’t correct it.
And as a result,
they behave from and act out of and choose from their wounds.

Some of them are SUPER dangerous.
And some are like a black cat on a day after Halloween day with un-trimmed claws!
Easily tended to with a band-aid and the nail trimmer.
;)

Honestly, she isn’t doing well herself.
I can see that easily.
It seems she only can momentarily wear the mask
of okay’ness before it pops off and her true face shows.
It’s not a crime.
It’s probably pretty normal.
Life is hard.
I can admit,
in a way,
that’s true about me as well.
But I’m not putting myself out there as a teacher who wants you to do well and having you pay me for it, am I.......
No, I’m sharing from my heart,
as best I can,
while almost constantly battling self-doubt
amongst other demons like dirty dishes.
Grrrrrr.

Is the money the only difference???
I don’t know.
I’d have to spend WAY more time thinking about this
and I’m half way down the freaking rabbit hole as it is.

Let’s just say,
we’re all probably bouncing back and forth between wellness and unwellness,
somewhere,
somehow.

But mask wearing is different than that I know.

I have noticed,
There is a WHOLE LOT of mask wearing while attempting to make other people’s money your money.
That’s what the hubby calls it (SEE, I give him credit for things he says to me, I don’t just post them on my page like I said it)
He’s trying to make his company’s money, our money.
They’re trying to make their customers’ money, their money.
The customers are trying to make their cash sources’ cash, their cash and that might be YOU.

I’ve seen them before they started making 6 figures
and I’ve seen them while they’re making it.
Turning their blogs into these money making machines that seem more like they belong to a car salesman than an artist.
If you pay this amount, you’ll get this and that and this and that.
It’s like an info-mercial within what is deemed a blog.
Is it really a blog anymore????
Or is that just your blog’s Halloween costume?
OH, you’re an INFO-MERCIAL!!! .....good one.

Thing is, all that stuff is very, sometimes VERY subtle PRESSURE applied to your psyche.
You can believe that or not,
but there are subtle ‘things’ used in sales that they have done studies on and most people unconsciously respond to it.
THERE IS A SCIENCE TO SALES.
And these people are using it against other people.
It seems sneaky and unfair to me,
for me to use something that I know could trick you into doing something that you don’t necessarily want to do......
Or maybe don’t have the money to do.
Makes me feel uncomfortable.
I’m thinking - what’s your finances like? Are you in money troubles? ‘Cause you really probably don’t need what I’m selling, etc......
That’s what I’m thinking.
But I’m not a Sales-Person or a Business Person.
I’m a fucking artist man with no sales or business person alive in here.
There’s an echo and a whole lot of cobwebs on that person’s office,
as they were laid off years ago due to lack of things for sale around here.

Again,
making money the way I’m talking about isn’t necessarily a crime.
We could get into an ethics discussion,
but that’s a TOTAL Rabbit Hole with no bottom because everyone has their opinion and will probably never come to one agreement overall.

Thing that bothers me is I see how easily we can get sucked into these ploys.
Next thing we know,
we have no money because someone made our money theirs!

Everyone has to survive I suppose though,
so a big,
Hey, whatever floats your boat.
Sell sell sell,
that’s the way of the world, eh?
Whatever.
I don’t judge it as Wrong.
I judge it as WRONG for me.

I just know money complicates it too much for me.
My art and Life is complicated enough.
Numbers make my eyes do funny things like Homer Simpson.

But there is this....

It’s Friday and I just got paid:

"you brought me to tears. I thank you from within my heart as I just feel that you share a piece from within yours every time you journal for us to see.

~Smilz" from Ronda Garner

WOW-ZA.
What a compliment!!
I am heard.
I am approved of.
I am blessed.
It’s like chocolate. 
Mmmm, sweeter than any trick or treater.

~magick~
Meliss

Ps: Final thoughts: The point isn’t just to leave it at what we experience other people’s behavior and choices as, the point is to find out HOW WE ARE LIKE THEM and to heal what is injured so we can take off our mask and live a life that is authentic to OUR-SELF and NOT Authentic to the unconscious being we become when we act out of our pain.......A ZOMBIE. Remind me to tell you about Zombies sometime!!

Where the transmission of THIS particular subject ends because I need to go to the library and/or make art:

My job is to use these examples in the world and to USE them, to Learn from them, to compare to my own choices and behavior. In all of this, I just know I know ONE FUCKING THING:

****If I don’t like someone else’s behavior, the first thing I should do is to make sure I’m not doing it to someone else!!!! I’ve got some rooting around in my life to do.****