Monday, November 18, 2013

Beauty is in the I

Of the bee-holder.
I’m Meliss, barely short for Melissa which means honey-bee.
The name was carefully selected for me,
of which I appreciate.

This film short is dedicated to the car load of people who told me
from their car
into my date’s car
at a red light in Philly
one day,
that I had really cool eyes.
Big Huge Grin!

The person from the back seat said it
and all the other people in the car,
guys and girls,
said out loud
various agreements.
"Yeah, she does."
"Yeah, they are really cool."
Heads nodding.

I wish I would have gotten out of his car and into theirs.
They seemed like more fun than he turned out to be.

Who does that?
What kind of a group of people stops at a red light and out loud to the person compliments someone in another car?
A f**king fun group I’ll tell you that!!
I’d love to be with a group of people who complimented people in other cars at red lights.

**Some time passes**

And now I am returning from doing lots of art
and working on this piece of art as an escape from a dramatic-emotional-voyage to no-where that got started somewhere else.
Convenient, eh?

I’ve returned to say,
part of the lesson of this video is about LAYERS.
Layers can be your Best-ee!
I started making this film short several years ago.
And I had a video complete,
but never shared it.
Guess it wasn’t done.
I’ve learned through making other videos and film shorts,
new stuff to do,
Layers I can add,
that several years ago,
I had NO clue how to do.
Layers have brought it from a video of a self-portraiture session I did with Me.
To something much more artistic
and expressive.

Some people would say I am beautiful.
I receive it.

I think my face creates beautiful angles and my eyes shine with the light of my soul.
And I have learned from Tyra Banks to smize and to capture the light on my face.
She taught me to be my own model.
That’s enough to get some good shots, eh?

is it perfect?
Would film peeps see flaws in it?
Do I care?

I wanna say:
if you want pictures that shine with your personal beauty,
experiment until you find them.

They will be tucked into the cracks of the layers of the work that you put into it.

I’ve worked hard to get here.
And I’m gonna celebrate it.

what I have found value in.
If it happens to be about an experience I had with You and You get brought up.....
Hey, my condolences,
but get over it.
Go live your life.
Why don’t you get so busy in your own life,
that you don’t even sweat it.
I wish you’d have such a wonderful life that you would FORGET about me.
Go ahead.
I give you permission.
I don’t matter.
I’m invisible.
Hey, I’m the mailman’s kid anyways,
so I never was part of the crowd.
Just pretend I died!
I might as well have
becuase I am living in Eden - which is so much like Heaven one could want no more. would be cool if Eden would have a sewing machine I can write with and draw flowers and such with and also a dressmakers form and a typewriter......

Having a wish list is good thing.
It’s not good to ‘have’ everything you want.

Sometimes I think I have enough because I like what I have so much.
I wish the same for everyone.
So we could all be happy in our lives.

Joyce Meyer says we need "backbone, not wishbone."

I just looked at the clock and it was 11:18.
That’s today,
my birthday.

I’m stealing Katy Perry's words:
Different DNA.
They don't understand you.
You're from a whole nother world,
a different dimension.
From Supernatural.
I strong identify with that song.

~some magick from my journey~

One day at the library I told my friend Addison about my experience of being,
"the mailman’s kid."
He suddenly pointed to a book behind my head on the shelf, then got up, saying he’d just read this book and wanted to ask me what I thought about it.
He told me it was all about a bird having a daughter with the mailman and what happened to this half-bird, half-girl chick.
I said, "OMG, you mean She was THE MAILMAN’S KID? Wasn’t that just what I said I was?"
He said, "Yes, you did."
I had to read the book.
It was really weird, a very-very strange tale,
but also really, Really encouraging and inspiring to me and my artistic journey.

Putting this out there has me feeling Fear.
But of what I cannot tell you.



um, how about this:
When people start saying things that Actually Kill You,
I’ll worry about their judgement then.

I’ve already been called a zero
and a loser....
And probably ugly
and, welp, I’m still alive
and a hell of a lot of Happy.

That’s the other lesson of this video:

Don’t not do something like this because you are afraid of the judgement of others.
That’s just plain ol’ silly.
Live your life doing the things you want to do even if people think it’s completely pointless.

In an article about Peter Beard (master art journaller),
the writer said, "Beard confessed to me, ‘It’s funny that the two things I love most – collecting stones and doing dairies – are equally meaningless.’ Meaningless? These yearly diaries are the inspiration of virtually all young journal makers today."

Sometimes you should still do that something even if you’re the one who thinks it’s completely pointless.


Friday, November 15, 2013

Surviving the dream

On the days when it’s hard to live my dream,
I survive by the words of others who are ‘alone’ and living their dreams.

Diana Nyad, says to me:

"Just remember, remember if the body’s hurting and the mind is weak, that you want to do this."

"This 90 minutes, how do I get through it?"

Ke$ha said to me just this morning:

"I came to realize a long time ago that the only constant is gonna be me & at first it was kinda heart-breaking, but this is my life. Making music & sharing it with my fans is what I love more than anything else in the world. I know it’s not gonna be easy to have any kind of personal life, but I’m lucky enough to be living my dream so the least I can do is dive in all the way."

Glenn Villeneuve from Nat Geo’s Life Below Zero told me:

"This is the best way of life for me to live & I’m gonna do it as long as I can."

Sue Aikens from Nat Geo’s Life Below Zero comforted me with:

"Happiness is a very brief bust of emotion, but to be content is to be comfortable in a style of life."

A song from Night of the Comet shared:

"Now that you got everything that you wanted, you’re gonna have to learn to deal with the dream."

And Zoe from American Horror Story - Coven put me under a spell:

"Be in your nature."

Iyanla Vanzant reminds me:

"Your vision has to be self-sustaining."

And Daniel Esquivel from Project Runway All Stars assures me:

"You can do anything with silk organza."

Thank God I have some.


Ps:  TAN CATS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND BACKSTABBERS AND/OR PIGS, as The Hubby calls them.  "Oink, Oink, my good man."  We're so glad we got the better end of the deal.  :)

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Magick is my word

so magick is what I’ll say.

A Poetess visited my blog.
Nay, a performance poet!
I Like that with a capital Like.
I admire that about her.
She said things to me that I didn’t understand,
but was also scared by and intrigued by.

Things that referenced performing poetry that you wrote yourself in front of people.
That scares me.
Some people would say I should do it for sure then
(probably even past or future versions of Me).
Maybe one day.
But for now,
I’ll just keep practicing it in my room,
all alone
performing for an imaginary audience
or even just God.

I’ve seen it work with me imagining a big bath tub outside
just because it was a beautiful vision that helped me escape the less than perfect surroundings I was bathing in at the time.

And now,
I have what is like a big bath tub outside.
I’ve been told that - Pretending is one of the fastest ways to get something into your life!
Yeah, I said pretending.
Sounds crazy.
I know.
But sometimes,
pretending is really just practicing,
with really subtle differences.

We should practice things we want to do,
so we know how to do them.
Why we ever think we should just know what to do,
I have no clue.
Must have been our mothers.

The local Poets have been unfriendly towards me.
How silly that I should write that.
I giggle,
it’s true
and nod at its poetic nature.

I don’t know if they are stuck up
or if I just think they’re stuck up which is what makes them seem stuck up.

I was the outsider.
I usually,
to always,
And nothing has seemed to change that.
I also seem to be with a guy who is the outsider.
Go figure.

But now,
it’s all okay,
for I have learned to draw!
And to fill my life up with an army of beings behind me.
My paper and pencil/pen have become what creates connection in my life.
Sometimes it’s my computer.
:) hi.

Yeah, It’s disappointing when people don’t get you.
But not deadly.
We can live through rejection
even in just understanding
and appreciation
and validation
let alone real rejection of the heart!~
But survivable.
All survivable.
Even bullying is survivable.
I’ve seen many survivors.

So, the local poet group didn’t get me
or didn’t want to.
Not a big deal.
I’ll just continue on,
living and loving my dream the way it is now.
Which is part wondering,
always wondering,
getting curious-er
and curious-er....
What will happen then?
And feeling scared
And part Knowing.
And feeling a- sured.
All held together with a big ol’ bow called Art
because it turns out,
and attracting men.
And now,
I take my refuge in that
and I close my eyes tight against it
so the next thought of how it’s not true can’t whisper doubt alive in my belly.
I hate it when that happens.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

If you knew

Continuing from a previously undisclosed conversation:

So anyways,
IF you knew what was going on in my life,
IF it was Your life,
perhaps you would have been frozen in multiple layers of development
as I was.
Like a deer in headlights.
And Unsure.
Forever battling that invisible dragon......
dragons have been showing up lately.

In my magickal world,
now I turn my head to the side
looking out the La-Boratory’s side window
and see deer in the woods.

I can’t tell you when the last time I saw deer in the woods was.

But I can tell you I just mentioned deer and they showed up.

I can tell you I talked about looking out the window in time to see an animal die happening to me twice.
And then it happened again!

I can tell you the hubby and I talked about Kathy Griffin’s ex-boyfriend.
And then we saw him on a small blurb on The Big Bang Theory.
Sheldon saw him in a restaurant!

I can also tell you that we talked about Mookie keeping his butt down in the litter box.
And then he peed high.

I can also also tell you that we talked about how the bunny hadn’t pooped on the floor in so long.
And then it did!!

The hubby might say - Is this magick sh*t?

and I would say,
Yeah, it was.

MAN, I gotta be careful with what I say!!
Because it just might happen.

same is true for you.


ps: I just saw my first snow of the season! Technically speaking, so minute it probably didn’t matter. (what a stoopid thing to say when I just told myself to watch what I’m saying, lol) BUT, I saw snow today...... and for me.....snow and magick go hand in hand.......

Monday, November 11, 2013

Nose Bumps

The progression of a newer expression of the thing we call nose in my art.

I drew 3 new beings all with nose bumps this past weekend.
Nose bumps showed up because I was trying to show age in a character.
(Later this week, I’ll show you what else I used.)

I really enjoy being able to draw something like that and use it to create expression.
Nose bumps can add depth and character to your ‘characters’,
to your drawing.

Something as simple as a supposed ‘flaw in the character’ adds interest,
shows imperfection,
which creates a connection.
For us, it shows us a version of humanity.

I say to you,
Keep on drawing.
Fit it in where-ever you can.


I draw in an empty check register, I got years ago free from an old bank, while waiting for appointments with my Sage.
Getting well,
after a long-time of poisoning yourself,
is time consuming.

My Sage is getting more and more popular
and busy.
He is often late for appointments with me.
Most times,
it doesn’t bother me,
I just use that time to make my dream of drawing better come true.

We all have tiny places we can ‘steal’ time from.
When you’re waiting, that’s a great time to draw.
If you cook or bake,
keep a small sketch book in the kitchen that you draw in while waiting on food.

Cool thing about it:
You don’t have to finish anything in one sitting.
You don’t.
You only have to do what you can,
in small increments,
to arrive where you want.

If it took you a week, here and there,
doesn’t matter,
because in the end,
if you keep going,
you’ll end up with that drawing
OR, that WHOLE BOOK FULL of your drawings,
if that’s what you want.

You just gotta steal extra moments
and use them to draw.

Didn’t you always secretly want to be a bandit?
Here’s your chance.
Be a time bandit in your own life and always be on the look out for time you can steal and then transform into your dream come true.

Nose bumps are also proof of the development of a new characteristic
in my art
and in my drawing abilities arsenal
due to my time put into drawing.

Having a drawing abilities arsenal makes drawing much easier!

Here’s how:
the Harry Potter logic kicks in for me,
"I knew that I could do it,
because I’d already done it."

Now that I can draw nose bumps
(can, in this instance, not only implies ability, but also implies permission),
I will.
Confidence in drawing
and in playing while drawing,
permission to include imperfections and really crazy, crazy angles
and still come out with a good sketch
and the knowledge that anything THAT Bad,
can be covered with a layer
and ‘fixed’.
aka, Freedom

the only, only way to get a drawing abilities arsenal is to DRAW.

But really, I’m not.
Drawing is delightful
and what I wish for you is
De-Light! De-Light!

I’ve been watching too much Fantasy Island.


Friday, November 8, 2013

Love is Love

I was drawing last weekend.
I told you.
What I didn’t tell you about it yet is that when I was going back through them,
I saw something I didn’t have the intention on doing,
but there it was!
Not that I wouldn’t do it,
I just didn’t draw this on purpose.

I noticed I drew two couples that are gay!
and fantastic.
I so adore them and they make me wish I had a gay male friend!
Insert some people laughing right now tv sitcom style.
But, I swear I was just almost mindlessly drawing and half paying to:
my hubby or the cats or to the tv, as we watched the first season of Fantasy Island dvd.

It was kinda Zen,
just allowing the pen to move and not over thinking anything
because Mixed Media provides a confidence that
and made into Art we can find beauty in.
And in my world man’ish-women and woman’ish-men are embraced and allowed.

So, I do remember brief thoughts when I was drawing this figure,
and my intention was to draw a girl.
I vaguely realized,
A different looking girl,
But female just the same.
I just drew
and allowed whoever wanted to come through to come through.

And later, looking at it,
I say, "That’s a man baby!" (In my best Austin Powers impersonation).

As I looked at the scene
and contemplated the look in his eyes,
I started to realize.
That’s not a girl.
It’s a guy.
A guy that’s in love with the other guy next to him.
That much is evident.
I know that look.

And even though the other looks like he’s being a douche and not paying attention,
that’s not exactly what’s going on.
He’s just wearing a bit more of a mask than the other guy.
For reasons that he understands.
That they both understand
and accept
as part of their relationship.

Do you want fries
or a baked potato
with your steak?

Is it weird that I should know all this about two figures I drew?
It doesn’t feel weird.
It feels normal that I should know that information.

I recently watched the film Bridegroom.
If you love Love,
you should see that film.
You should also see it if you like cute bois.

We can all Love people and still not want to know a DAMN Thing about their sex life.
;)  .
I just know I appreciate their Love they put into our world.
It isn't different unless you think it is.

dedicated to all those,
to whom this speaks.

I say, Do I think they’re gay?
As if someone asked me.
And I respond,
~I think they’re in love.~

But I can tell you,
the picture continues for me,
and I see that they’re holding hands,
where others can’t see it,
just so others feel at peace.

let me get this right.

They hide an expression of Love,
in order that others feel okay?

I see respectful.
but I also see sadness that it's considered respectful for partners to not hold hands if they want to because other people would be so bothered by it.

Glad it wouldn't bother me to see them hold hands.
Or carry a propane tank together.
Which is almost the same as holding hands,
only with gas.
ba-dum-ba goes the drum.

I love pretty bois in love!
I think they’re wonderful.

Even the moon loves them,
and the moon is NEVER wrong.


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Distorted and Recorded

I like that people demand videos from me.
I take it as a total compliment.
They like them so much,
they want more.
what can I say?
I’m tickled,
but not in the way that hurts.
I could allow myself to become overwhelmed because believe it or not,
I live a full and busy life with a hubby and a house and a clowder of cats and a body I have to take care of or it’ll rot out from under me apparently.

But today, while working on what I think is going to be my next film short,
I had this experience.....
Years ago, 
I had this thing with
She can’t walk,
but her flies.
Don’t know.
Caught my fancy while I was working and rang a bell for me.

Now, go 88 mph and get to today, air cold cause it’s a chilly November day.
While working,
I’m listening to a song by Natalie Imbruglia
on her white lilies island cd #11
and she is singing slowly
what sounds like

But Her Flies.

I heard her say it,
while filming
and remembered,
while filming,
when I said it.
And to whom I said it.
And then I reflected on how far away from those moments I am
and how much my artistic vision has grown
and how through diligent work,
I can do things now that I couldn't do then.
Wouldn't even have a clue then how to.

I am doing something right now that I had NO CLUE I’d be doing then.
I had little to no idea that I’d be working on a film short I am publishing online as part of my celebration of my 41st Birthday.
No clue of that.
I was probably too busy being sad.
Because I wasn’t here.
Or because I was alone.
But now I am here.
And still alone.
And I now appreciate every thing that past me contributed to us arriving here in this space in time.
Because now is really really kool.

Now, the only thing is do I want to see it all as coincidence?

Or am I choosing some form of magick?

Oh, easy peasy!!
Magick is so much more fun than coincidence.
Coincidence gets blown off.
Magick blows you away.
I like being spiritually blown away.
But I hate it when my hair goes in my face......


Ps:  Natalie also just said "You pulled me out of the past and landed me in today, Hurricane."  Interesting idea, eh?  makes me think:  Winds can be rough or they can be light.....the one I sent you is Light....and full of Wonder-Full wishes for you and for me.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Draw like the Devil!

~Oh, I don't care if it's November!~
(I can say that because truly,
I love November
because it's wonderful
and happens to be my birth month)

I already miss Halloween.
Being sick in the fall sucks.
Time is sucked up with resting, resting, resting.
Zombie-fied in one way or another.

But resting is lovely......
a nap with a cat on the couch cures a lot of stuff too.

I like Zombie Me.
She's lovely and magickal.
She's a super good draw-er.
Wait until I show you later this week what I discovered that she drew.

Speaking of drawing,
I also like this Zombie Chick.
She's fantastical.
And she easily enchants with her cool punk rock hair
and her crooked shoulders
and her vest
and her stripped arms
and her patched together, beautiful face.

Like a female Alice Cooper.....
I gotta break out the tape player and listen to 'Welcome to My Nightmare' !
Like I did several autumns back when I started Time Travelling.
How do I Time Travel?
It of course has to do with going 88 mph and coming out air cold.
But the rest I don't understand.

I know lots of beautiful Zombies whom are easy to Love.
Don't you?


Ps:  it delights my heart to delight yours!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Of Values and Vision

This weekend, Iyanla Vanzant told me this:

"Your talents, skills, and abilities can only take you so far. They can’t sustain you. What sustains you is your character, your values, and your vision"

furthermore she said,

"And those parts of you were undeveloped."

It Hit Me
and caused me to immediately write it down in my journal.
And since then,
it’s been on my mind......

What is my character?
What are my values?
What is my vision?

I have some answers from the last time I went on a quest to determine what I wanted my vision of my work to be,
but this time,
any answers are only starting points.

The weekend was good: productive, relaxing.
That extra hour was kick-ass.
We forgot and fed the cats a half hour late which turned out to be half an hour early.

This weekend I also proved out something to myself
and arrived at this:

Advice for those who say things like I used to, specifically "I WISH I could draw."

Yeah, my advice is Draw.
You don’t have to WISH you could draw,
you can just do it.
You have the equipment most likely.
Even if you don’t, many people work with what they have to accomplish something they really want.
You can make your own wish come true
by simply doing what you wish you could!
Especially in this case,
not much money is required.
but time you can find
much more easily than you can find money.
Sometimes we are the only ones who are stopping our wishes from coming true.
Is that true every single time our wishes don’t come true?
Even when it has to do with money????
(beware of the rabbit holes there)

I was in the line of a woman who worked at the cash register at Walmart.
She spoke of how yucky (my word not hers) she felt toward people on Facebook who talk about the crafts they made,
because she claimed to not have time to do such things.
Her opinion is valid to her experience.
But I question her claim about not having time.
People, including me, waste time all the time.
I bet I could follow you around all weekend and come up with time that is wasted on other unimportant or less important stuff that you are stealing from what could be used to make your wishes come true.

We get super, SUPER easily sucked into dramatic-emotional voyages to nowhere.

Such as being upset with other people for living their dreams......
when if we were living our dreams,
we probably wouldn’t have time to see them living theirs
or time to be envious
or even the desire.

Being happy in your particular life is a CURE to many, many problems.


Perhaps the time you spent looking at people’s Facebook stuff talking about their crafts could be spend making your own crafts if that’s what you really want to do.....
And honestly,
I speak from envious-experious.
That’s a spell that’s easily fallen under by those who are looking at someone else’s yoga mat.

I am learning to keep my eyes on mine,
even when it gets lonely
because I must be about the work of my life,
not about what you are doing that’s bothering me.

Extra hours go by.
Flow by.
Mindlessly adventuring in some virtual world where gun play is okay, but you still apologize to computer simulated people whose body parts are missing because you Blew Them Away with your shotgun when they popped out around a corner trying to kill you.
But in real-life you catch bugs in a plastic container and put them outside in the cold where they die......
should I have killed it myself?
Is that nicer?
Than letting it freeze to death?
Oh, these are the white rabbit questions that jump into ethical rabbit holes.
No, no rabbit, I’m not following you.
I’ll just tell them what you said.

Anyways, I’m starting the work week by exploring my character and my values and my vision.
I encourage you to either find out what those things are in your life
or to re-state to yourself what they are because you already know.

And do the thing you keep saying "I wish I could **blah**"
Diana Nyad would say, ‘FIND A WAY."
She’d also point out that achievements sometimes take a lifetime to arrive at.

And sometimes they require a weekend of on again, off again drawing like a swimmer works-out.

So, over the weekend, I created 26 beings.
And today I’m stringing together these words and images to celebrate that and to learn from it.

I value that Art is a wide and varied expanse
that will stretch out across my life.
Today is only one part of the building blocks that will create that expanse.

Same is true for you.
What will you build?


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