Magick is my word

so magick is what I’ll say.

A Poetess visited my blog.
:)
Nay, a performance poet!
I Like that with a capital Like.
I admire that about her.
She said things to me that I didn’t understand,
but was also scared by and intrigued by.

Things that referenced performing poetry that you wrote yourself in front of people.
Eeekkk!~
That scares me.
Some people would say I should do it for sure then
(probably even past or future versions of Me).
Maybe one day.
But for now,
I’ll just keep practicing it in my room,
all alone
performing for an imaginary audience
or even just God.

I’ve seen it work with me imagining a big bath tub outside
just because it was a beautiful vision that helped me escape the less than perfect surroundings I was bathing in at the time.

And now,
I have what is like a big bath tub outside.
I’ve been told that - Pretending is one of the fastest ways to get something into your life!
Pretending.
Yeah, I said pretending.
Sounds crazy.
I know.
But sometimes,
pretending is really just practicing,
with really subtle differences.

We should practice things we want to do,
so we know how to do them.
Why we ever think we should just know what to do,
I have no clue.
Must have been our mothers.

The local Poets have been unfriendly towards me.
Ha,
How silly that I should write that.
But,
I giggle,
it’s true
and nod at its poetic nature.

I don’t know if they are stuck up
or if I just think they’re stuck up which is what makes them seem stuck up.
?

I was the outsider.
I usually,
to always,
am.
And nothing has seemed to change that.
I also seem to be with a guy who is the outsider.
Go figure.

But now,
it’s all okay,
for I have learned to draw!
And to fill my life up with an army of beings behind me.
My paper and pencil/pen have become what creates connection in my life.
Sometimes it’s my computer.
:) hi.

Yeah, It’s disappointing when people don’t get you.
But not deadly.
IT AIN’T DEADLY.
We can live through rejection
even in just understanding
and appreciation
and validation
let alone real rejection of the heart!~
Ouch.
But survivable.
All survivable.
Even bullying is survivable.
I’ve seen many survivors.

So, the local poet group didn’t get me
or didn’t want to.
Not a big deal.
I’ll just continue on,
living and loving my dream the way it is now.
Which is part wondering,
always wondering,
getting curious-er
and curious-er....
What will happen then?
And feeling scared
And part Knowing.
And feeling a- sured.
All held together with a big ol’ bow called Art
because it turns out,
I’M FINALLY GOOD AT SOMETHING BESIDES SEX
and attracting men.
And now,
I take my refuge in that
and I close my eyes tight against it
so the next thought of how it’s not true can’t whisper doubt alive in my belly.
I hate it when that happens.

~magick~
Meliss

If you knew

Continuing from a previously undisclosed conversation:

So anyways,
IF you knew what was going on in my life,
IF it was Your life,
perhaps you would have been frozen in multiple layers of development
as I was.
Like a deer in headlights.
Always.
Frozen.
Scared.
And Unsure.
Forever battling that invisible dragon......
Yeah,
dragons have been showing up lately.

In my magickal world,
now I turn my head to the side
looking out the La-Boratory’s side window
and see deer in the woods.

I can’t tell you when the last time I saw deer in the woods was.

But I can tell you I just mentioned deer and they showed up.

I can tell you I talked about looking out the window in time to see an animal die happening to me twice.
And then it happened again!
:(

I can tell you the hubby and I talked about Kathy Griffin’s ex-boyfriend.
And then we saw him on a small blurb on The Big Bang Theory.
Sheldon saw him in a restaurant!

I can also tell you that we talked about Mookie keeping his butt down in the litter box.
And then he peed high.

I can also also tell you that we talked about how the bunny hadn’t pooped on the floor in so long.
And then it did!!

The hubby might say - Is this magick sh*t?

and I would say,
Yeah, it was.

MAN, I gotta be careful with what I say!!
Because it just might happen.

BTW,
same is true for you.

~magick~
Meliss

ps: I just saw my first snow of the season! Technically speaking, so minute it probably didn’t matter. (what a stoopid thing to say when I just told myself to watch what I’m saying, lol) BUT, I saw snow today...... and for me.....snow and magick go hand in hand.......

Nose Bumps

The progression of a newer expression of the thing we call nose in my art.

I drew 3 new beings all with nose bumps this past weekend.
Nose bumps showed up because I was trying to show age in a character.
(Later this week, I’ll show you what else I used.)

I really enjoy being able to draw something like that and use it to create expression.
Nose bumps can add depth and character to your ‘characters’,
to your drawing.

Something as simple as a supposed ‘flaw in the character’ adds interest,
shows imperfection,
which creates a connection.
For us, it shows us a version of humanity.

I say to you,
Keep on drawing.
Fit it in where-ever you can.

STEAL THAT TIME FOR YOUR DREAMS BACK!

I draw in an empty check register, I got years ago free from an old bank, while waiting for appointments with my Sage.
Getting well,
after a long-time of poisoning yourself,
is time consuming.

My Sage is getting more and more popular
and busy.
He is often late for appointments with me.
Most times,
it doesn’t bother me,
I just use that time to make my dream of drawing better come true.

We all have tiny places we can ‘steal’ time from.
When you’re waiting, that’s a great time to draw.
If you cook or bake,
keep a small sketch book in the kitchen that you draw in while waiting on food.

Cool thing about it:
You don’t have to finish anything in one sitting.
You don’t.
You only have to do what you can,
in small increments,
to arrive where you want.

If it took you a week, here and there,
doesn’t matter,
because in the end,
if you keep going,
you’ll end up with that drawing
OR, that WHOLE BOOK FULL of your drawings,
if that’s what you want.

You just gotta steal extra moments
and use them to draw.

Didn’t you always secretly want to be a bandit?
Here’s your chance.
Be a time bandit in your own life and always be on the look out for time you can steal and then transform into your dream come true.

Nose bumps are also proof of the development of a new characteristic
in my art
and in my drawing abilities arsenal
due to my time put into drawing.

Firstly,
Having a drawing abilities arsenal makes drawing much easier!

Here’s how:
the Harry Potter logic kicks in for me,
"I knew that I could do it,
well,
because I’d already done it."

Now that I can draw nose bumps
(can, in this instance, not only implies ability, but also implies permission),
I will.
Confidence in drawing
and in playing while drawing,
permission to include imperfections and really crazy, crazy angles
and still come out with a good sketch
and the knowledge that anything THAT Bad,
can be covered with a layer
and ‘fixed’.
aka, Freedom

Secondly,
the only, only way to get a drawing abilities arsenal is to DRAW.

Sorry.
But really, I’m not.
Drawing is delightful
and what I wish for you is
De-Light! De-Light!

I’ve been watching too much Fantasy Island.

~magick~
Meliss

Love is Love

So,
I was drawing last weekend.
I told you.
What I didn’t tell you about it yet is that when I was going back through them,
I saw something I didn’t have the intention on doing,
but there it was!
Not that I wouldn’t do it,
I just didn’t draw this on purpose.

I noticed I drew two couples that are gay!
:)
and fantastic.
I so adore them and they make me wish I had a gay male friend!
Insert some people laughing right now tv sitcom style.
But, I swear I was just almost mindlessly drawing and half paying to:
my hubby or the cats or to the tv, as we watched the first season of Fantasy Island dvd.

It was kinda Zen,
just allowing the pen to move and not over thinking anything
because Mixed Media provides a confidence that
ANYTHING CAN BE RECOVERED
and made into Art we can find beauty in.
And in my world man’ish-women and woman’ish-men are embraced and allowed.

So, I do remember brief thoughts when I was drawing this figure,
and my intention was to draw a girl.
I vaguely realized,
A different looking girl,
sure,
But female just the same.
Whatever,
I just drew
and allowed whoever wanted to come through to come through.

And later, looking at it,
I say, "That’s a man baby!" (In my best Austin Powers impersonation).
Smiling.

As I looked at the scene
and contemplated the look in his eyes,
I started to realize.
That’s not a girl.
It’s a guy.
A guy that’s in love with the other guy next to him.
That much is evident.
I know that look.

And even though the other looks like he’s being a douche and not paying attention,
that’s not exactly what’s going on.
He’s just wearing a bit more of a mask than the other guy.
For reasons that he understands.
That they both understand
and accept
as part of their relationship.

Do you want fries
or a baked potato
with your steak?

Is it weird that I should know all this about two figures I drew?
It doesn’t feel weird.
It feels normal that I should know that information.

I recently watched the film Bridegroom.
If you love Love,
you should see that film.
You should also see it if you like cute bois.
;)

We can all Love people and still not want to know a DAMN Thing about their sex life.
;)  .
I just know I appreciate their Love they put into our world.
It isn't different unless you think it is.

So,
dedicated to all those,
to whom this speaks.

I say, Do I think they’re gay?
As if someone asked me.
And I respond,
~I think they’re in love.~

But I can tell you,
the picture continues for me,
and I see that they’re holding hands,
where others can’t see it,
just so others feel at peace.

Wait,
let me get this right.

They hide an expression of Love,
in order that others feel okay?

I see respectful.
but I also see sadness that it's considered respectful for partners to not hold hands if they want to because other people would be so bothered by it.

Glad it wouldn't bother me to see them hold hands.
Or carry a propane tank together.
Which is almost the same as holding hands,
only with gas.
ba-dum-ba goes the drum.

Personally,
I love pretty bois in love!
I think they’re wonderful.

Even the moon loves them,
and the moon is NEVER wrong.

~magick~
Meliss